October Sabado Smorgasboard

All varietals of footed ball, represent.

We kick off bright and early, with our intrepid Robins Hood hosting Chelski (7:30, USA).  Is the big fat Greek about ready to fire his SECOND permanent manager of the season?  Remember, they qualified for Zooropa last season, so this turmoil is of their own, dipshit making.  As the Mad Season song goes Our pain is self-chosennnnnn.

Speaking of self-chosen pain – Everton away to City of Men (10:00, Peacock).  Hey, at least Jack Grealish gets the week off!  USA is showing Trashbirds/Geordie Arabia instead.  YMMV.

Tasty London Derby in the Spotlight, as Mighty Whitey welcome the King’s Afrikan Water Pistols (12:30, NBC).  Come for the 2nd screen viewing, stay for Clubhouse barb-tossing!  Folk seem to think maybe it is finally Arsenal’s year.  If so, they need to win matches like this.

Your JV NFL slate, now fully James Franklin-free!

LSU (+2.5) at Vanderbilt (Noon, ABC)

Oh my cats, y’all.  The Bayou Reacts Reasonably, an underdog to FUCKING VANDY???

Washington (+6.5) at Michigan (Noon, Fox)

You might say this is just Hippo’s slavish devotion to the BOW DOWN!! banner pic, and you might be right.  But SO IS HIPPO.  Just LOOK and behold their glory!

Steerfuckers South (-5.5) at South Cakalaky (12:45, SECN)

Oh man, is this EVAR a trap game.  Boomer Sooner rushed John Mateer back, and Texas still pushed their shit in.  Now, they pretty much how to double down, as opposed to letting his throwing thumb owie (which seems kinda important for a quartered back) heal properly for the meat of their schedule.  Schedule gets really rough after this week, and they can’t afford a slip up.

Bonfire Cult (-7.5) at Pirate Kansas (3:30, ESPN)

Bobby Petrino didn’t get the win last week, but they were much MOAR competitive.  Trap game for Bonfire Cult?  A defense-first team is always going to be somewhat vulnerable to getting jumped on the road.

Johnny Reb (+7.5) at Georgia (3:30, ABC)

Shoes optional, y’all!  Is Koach Kiffin’s Korner coming back?  Is Daniel Tosh even still alive?

Guns Up!! (-7.5) at Arizona State (4:00, Fox)

Stern test for Tech, and they won’t be able to throw much with their backup QB.  But their lethal front seven should be enough to carry the day, and ASU has QB health questions, too.  BET THE UNDER.