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Last Call For Football

scotchnaut

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, ,

It certainly was a day, wasn’t it? The highs, the lows, the dreary middles, the naps-this day had everything!

To The Game!

Falcons/Niners:

-I like these made-up narratives like Battle of the Dual Threat Backs! Ok fine, they are the best players on the field and they trained together but they aren’t in direct contact, sheesh!

-Btw, Bijan needs 178 yards to get to 1,000 yards in just six games. No one has done that since Faulk back at the beginning of the millenium.

-With both Warner and Bosa out (why is San Fran always battling more than their fair share of injuries?) Bijan should have a fairly easy go of it. He looks like he’s starting to feel his grits.

-Purdy’s still has recovered from toeitis so Mac gets his fifth start of the season. Gotta give credit to Shanny Jr, he always creates an environment where QB’s can succeed.

I’m tired of typing so that’s it.

 

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Doktor Zymm

So my taxi driver said there was an ICE raid on the O’Hare rideshare lot a couple days ago. That would explain why the prices for Uber/Lyft are almost double what they usually be around 1 am on a weeknight. Labor market economics at work

1
Unsurprised

.

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Unsurprised

.

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WCS

STORNG TAEK!!!11!!1!

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Bogdanski

?!

0
WCS

Florida shitcanned Billy Napier, too.

They’re going to hire Hugh Freeze next, aren’t they?

EDIT: Not going to new post, just adding this here. It’s pretty apropo.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wp8UlgvCVlI

Last edited 6 months ago by WCS
0
Bogdanski

Please make it Fickell next!

1
Gumbygirl

Drake London, you piece of shit. I’m going to lose to Hippo tomorrow.

2
Redshirt

Uh oh…broken Penix.

1
King Hippo

#BentCarrot

1
Redshirt

A McCaffery TD run would be very helpful, please.

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Redshirt

Thank you, GAMBLOR! Blessings to you!

1
Redshirt

Another Monday Night Doubleheader? Did Eli have a Spelling Bee or something?

3
Wakezilla

Cris Collinsworth: “Nobody could keep LaDainian out of the endzone”

NFL playoffs: Bet

8
Horatio Cornblower

In case anyone asks, I have pictures showing my brother and I deep in the woods of NW CT and SW MA pretty much all day today, and there is no proof whatsoever that I was, at any point, anywhere near The Louvre.

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Doktor Zymm

I didn’t see you there because I also was nowhere near the Louvre

6
Redshirt

FBI Investigating why I’m now driving a Maserati (Artistic Interpretation):

I was buying pornography! – YouTube

3
Bogdanski

“Ce n’est pas un voleur d’art”

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Doktor Zymm

Happy Diwali tomorrow all you khaali pili!

2
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QirCMADtks8

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SonOfSpam

Is it ok in this thread to admit I can’t deal with curry, or should I save that for an offseason Yeah Right post?

3
Wakezilla

Jays up 4 and their bullpen is so bad, it doesn’t feel like the lead is safe

0
King Hippo

Penix came up short

3
Wakezilla

“But have you seen his hips?”

Cris Collinsworth

3
Unsurprised

“You get used to it.”
— D. Favre

3
WCS

This Yinzer slept all day; apparently, staying up all night at work leaves one fatigued the following day. Who knew?

I hear the Donks WOO had some kind of rally to make Giants fans quite ill. The Jest still are very much the Jest, Mike McDaniel is done in the morning, Other Harbaugh needs new khakis, and the Clots are legit. Anything else?

5
Redshirt

Fields and Tua may no longer be starting next week.

3
King Hippo

Fields almost 100% surely not. Cuban MILF-Hunter Z in Miami would be the TITS.

2
Wakezilla

It’s going to be Ewers, as he is officially no. 2 on the depth chart.

Problem is, Miami can’t cut or trade Tua until 2027. I’d prefer they treat Tua as a bridge QB, and have Miami use their top 5 pick on an OLine or a defender, not a QB

1
Doktor Zymm

The Raidurs were embarrassing, more so than usual

3
Redshirt

I think that was mostly the Chiefs using them as a Rebound Date. Mostly.

3
Jimbo

Dakota Jesus is ass.

3
SonOfSpam

RAMMMMIT owns London.

Or the Jags kinda blow, whatevs

Last edited 6 months ago by SonOfSpam
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Horatio Cornblower

My brother and I stopped at a “sports bar” on the way home from hiking. We got to see the last 3 minutes of the Giants and Broncos and holy fucking shit, do either of those teams have a functioning brain cell between them?

Also when the Giants lost we had the bar to ourselves within 90 seconds.

5
Unsurprised

“Catch and Run.” “Catch and Run.”

You mean a passing game, you fucking shitstain?

0
Redshirt

“Catch and Run”. Did someone have an on-air stroke and please say it was Collinsworth?

2
Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I’m too damn lazy to make a “catch and release” joke here so I’ll just say fuck ICE instead

4
Redshirt

Halftime Update at my Current Bets for Tonight’s Game:

Crap Crap Mega Crap! – YouTube

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scotchnaut

I don’t care much about baseball but I’d like a Boob Jays win here because Game 7’s are always awesome.

1
herodotus450

Dwayne and Gordo after game 7 of a seven game series: “Hey wait, it’s over?”
/This joke is a reference to the time Canada and the USSR had to give one game of their seven game Communist hockey series to the state as a tax, and thus ended up playing 8 games

0
Col. Duke LaCross

HENDERSON!

2
Mr. Ayo

This whole place has turned on me!

1
Horatio Cornblower

I still hate the Jays.

1
Mr. Ayo

God Bless!

1
Gumbygirl

I’m with ya, baybee. Go M’s!

1
Wakezilla

Didn’t the Falcons just play on Thursday? I swear I saw them play recently.

0
SonOfSpam

You’re probably thinking of the Bengals, who have also led in but not won a Super Bowl.

6
Redshirt

At least we didn’t give up a 28-3 lead! 13-6, 16-13 and 20-13, and yes, I didn’t have to look them up, but not 28-3!.

5
scotchnaut

“Do I dare eat a peach a second bag of popcorn before bed?

-T.S. Eliot, The Love Song of…that long poem, some words amended

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Yes
/what kinda Popcorn?

1
scotchnaut

The popping kind with butter and salt included.

/I’m not a stickler for details

1
yeah right

Never

Eat a second peach before bed.

– Gregg Allman

Last edited 6 months ago by yeah right
1
SonOfSpam

His idea of a three-way was Cher and Cher-alike.

2
Mr. Ayo

Ban double plays, IMO

0
Unsurprised

With ChatGPT soon to have sexbots, I am torn. On one hand, I want everyone associated with these LLMs to burn in Hell forever before we burn on a scorched Earth forever, but anyone stupid and vile enough to use a sexbot is also stupid enough that they will inevitably die because of said sexbots and soon.

2
Redshirt

On the other hand, those who would have sex with a sexbot would be less likely to go outside and breed. The gene pool may clear itself up after all!

2
Unsurprised

I’m not that stupid and I’ll never breed. The world is a fuck.

0
blaxabbath

I like how the only true consumer item we invest in is dopamine rush.

1
Wakezilla

It’s awfully nice of the SNF game to have absolutely nothing happen until now, when I’m getting to turn on the game

3
King Hippo

It really has been a shitshow. But so was Donks/VEP until…it went plaid.

0
Wakezilla

The LOLphins lived up to their name today.

2
King Hippo

McDaniel can’t make it to the Monday film study, even. RIGHT???

2
Wakezilla

Ross likes him and Grier allegedly is blackmailing Ross.

I’d be happy with Weaver getting shit canned

1
Doktor Zymm

It’s gotta be before the trade deadline so they can firesale the team effectively methinks

0
Unsurprised

From my brother

My friend’s memorial this afternoon – he died as he lived, football on 3 big screens and topless bartenders.

4
scotchnaut

“No matter how hungover they were, Ricky, Dave and Fred always poured those drinks completely shirtless. God love their dedication.”

4
Redshirt

“Once we unlocked his computer, we saw what we expected, gigabytes of pictures of tits and asses. Yeah, he really did enjoy his study of birds and donkeys.”

4
Unsurprised

It’s possible. The photo did not include any bartenders.

1
yeah right

And now I’ll be watching baseball.

Let’s go Blue Jays.

1
Mr. Ayo

You’re breaking my heart

5
scotchnaut

“There is no evidence whatsoever that Mr. Ayo has a heart.”

-rudimentary AI search engine

3
yeah right

It’s the recency effect.

I was in Toronto more recently than Seattle.

That’s all.

And I loved Toronto.

0
Unsurprised

I have no ‘yeah right!’

Last edited 6 months ago by Unsurprised
0
Wakezilla

Go BJs!

1
Unsurprised

And Toronto, too

1
Redshirt

To be fair, after the nonsense we saw in Giants/Broncos, what game can match that this week?

0
King Hippo

I mean, they’s such an inspiration FOAR teh Leafs

0
rockingdog

Found a funny:

HER: once you’re in the family, there’s no getting out. Capisce?

ME: *whispering to my boyfriend* what kind of Olive Garden is this?

9
Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!!!

0
jjfozz

This week my oldest son’s girlfriend will be staying with us for 5 days.

I have three animals and own one dog.

This young lady is either going to enjoy herself or running screaming from the house.

Either way, she’ll be scarred forever.

7
yeah right

She’ll remember it forever.

Touching family moment.

1
Unsurprised

There’ll probably be more than one touching moment.

2
King Hippo

Make lots of “finger bang” references. I’m sure Mrs. Fozz will be amused.

4
Redshirt

Just remember -shirt Family Rule #1: In case the relationship doesn’t work, the family reserves the right to retain the boyfriend/girlfriend and expel the blood relative.

3
Unsurprised

Thank God those animals are only half-italian.

1
herodotus450

At any point during the game, one team should be able to declare a true “Quarter back Duel” where the qbs from each team run at each other at full speed, and the first one to get a concussion loses his team 7 points.

Same for pitchers in base ball, but they get to throw a ball at each other.

3
King Hippo

Dance-offs. The answer is ALWAYS MOAR dance-offs.

2
herodotus450

Do you want ALL the white players to disappear!?

3
Doktor Zymm

Don’t worry, they can count on the Russian judge

1
scotchnaut

We’ll always have Vanilla Ice…

[“Dooo doo doo da doo do it” plays quietly in the background]

0
jjfozz

Two skiing-related comments from Cris. I wish he would start skiing more and do a Sonny Bono

4
Gumbygirl

He’s desperately trying to sell himself for the Winter Olympics gig. Christ, I hope they don’t use him

1
jjfozz

Actor Ben Schwartz is a walking pile of boiling dog feces

1
King Hippo

I’ve no idea who that is but will take your word for it. For I am also over 50.

1
Unsurprised

The dipshit from these fireball commercials

0
blaxabbath

Old dude calls, rambles about having a fullback in there to chip Micah Parsons — the OBVIOUS SOLUTION — then pauses and announces, “Goooo Sun Devils.”

He’s definitely got a mail-in ballot to fill out this evening.

2
Unsurprised

Well, it’s not like he’s going to do all the unpacking from New Hampshire.

0
blaxabbath

This caller is complaining that it was 88 degrees at the game but Kyler Murray was bundled up in clothes like he was trying to hide.

Yes — I’m sure he’s both glad the shutdown is on AND insists Chuck Schumer must be stop causing so much pain.

1
scotchnaut

This caller was complaining that it was 88 degrees

Blax and WCS’s sexuality aside, I’m having difficulty differentiating their comments lately

3
Doktor Zymm

I think this tv is showing espn 46 or something, these are some mighty odd sports it’s showing. Some sort of coffin fighting and now greased up tarp hockey

0
scotchnaut

Indy News Update: The Colts are foal real!

4
Doktor Zymm

That’s so dumb it’s good

1
scotchnaut

Your equine-centric sense of humor is divine.

1
herodotus450

I’ve had an-hoof of it, myself.

1
Doktor Zymm

With the Jaguras looking like manure, they’re a fetlock to win the division

0
jjfozz

Every time I see a diamond commercial I remember going to buy my wife’s engagement ring. It was a big day and forever in my memory, because I could have bought a fucking jet ski with that money.

5
Gumbygirl

I never had one. Never wanted one.

4
Doktor Zymm

Unless it’s investment grade there’s no point, just feeding a monopoly with a questionable human rights record

1
jjfozz

I made sure it wasn’t a blood diamond, however it was a liver diamond.

4
scotchnaut

I was lucky enough to have a wife that wanted a hand-crafted ring rather than some expensive thing. Cost me all of $400

1
Fronkenshteen

[narrator] With the sting of the jet ski disappointment still fresh, JJFozz would make his second attempt at a carefree life patrolling his native seas; obtaining his captain’s license to navigate large container-bearing shipping vessels through the Port of Baltimore. Who could have possibly imagined Fozz’s civic pride, his love of quality bourbon, and the siren song of the sea could have dovetailed so horribly that fateful night?
comment image

Last edited 6 months ago by Fronkenshteen
6
jjfozz

I bow to you.

And I just might be looking into a new career.

1
Doktor Zymm

HE WAS IN THE CLUBHOUSE THE WHOLE NIGHT

3
Col. Duke LaCross

What about Frank Sobotka? I’m not seeing his name in here anywhere?

0
Horatio Cornblower

This is too long for the banner, and goddammit does that ever break my heart.

2
Doktor Zymm

This Canadian gnocchi sure is mediocre

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I did yard work today and pulled a Sideshow Bob:

comment image

On the bright side, the rake hit me on the chin, not anywhere else.

On the not-so-bright side, I now have an uncanny resemblance to Jay Leno.

6
Redshirt

I almost did that in the garage. Jumping over a pile of boxes. If I didn’t have a free hand and good reflexes, I would’ve been thwacked to next Tuesday.

3
blaxabbath

Guys on the Cardinals Talk! Arizona Cardinals Post Game Show are pointing out that Jacoby Brisset outplayed Jordan Love (okay….) so it’s time for XboxJr to roll-up his controller chord and hit the road.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I saw that coming a mile away.

0
blaxabbath

That’s because you can see the field beyond your lineman.

4
jjfozz

40 points down in ff league. got pennix and bijan starting. so if they hook up for 7 touchdowns, i could win

0
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