Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

Still somehow in the LDB challenge, as of writing this Monday afternoon, even thought I was out being, like, social, and going to various places. I’m trying not to get my hopes up as this is the hard time to get through. But should be okay for Monday 9yesterday), as I’m not doing much and it’s Tuesday that worries me, I need to be outs and abouts and don’t have luck that way.

Also, it was both my kids birthday on Saturday. They are not twins, just born 3 years apart on the same day.  As the youngest is now 20, it really strange to me to have kids no longer in their teens.  Hell, I think that I’m still in my teens sometimes, so when the fuck did I get old enough to have kids the same as me?  But as both kids are doing well and seem to be functioning adults, I’m a very proud parent.  

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Youngest Fozz: “I’m glad Mahomes got hurt!”
Me: “No, don’t ever be glad when a person gets hurt. Even if you don’t like him.”
Youngest Fozz: “Would you say that if Travis Kelce got hurt? You hate him.”
jjfozz

WCS

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The fog is so thick this morning in Los Angeles that it was like waking up to see everything covered in snow. It’s like Christmas. The Chiefs have been eliminated from the playoffs, and it is a wondrous, wondrous thing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly


But it’s not all sunshine and roses in the Deadly household this morning, unfortunately…
https://www.reddit.com/r/technology/comments/1pmtdm7/robot_vacuum_roomba_maker_files_for_bankruptcy/?utm_source=embedv2&utm_medium=post_embed&utm_content=post_title&embed_host_url=https://doorfliesopen.com/2025/12/15/instant-hippo-thoughts-week-15-2025-season/
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly


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Holy shit, I just found out why Rivers came back! Retired players get NFL sponsered health insurance for themselves, one other adult, and all qualifying children for 5 years after retirement. He just reset the clock on the NFL coverage for more pregnancies and most of the existing kids
Doktor Zymm

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I do not like the tush push
I do not like it all
I do not like in the winter
I do not like it in the fall
I think it is lame and also hate the name
When a team decides to use it
The game goes right to shit
I do not like the tush push
jjfozz

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‘Man oh man. The Patriots are dismantling the Bills as my newborn son naps beside me in front of the Christmas tree. It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon and I have nowhere else to be today other than right here with my boy and with my team.
I may well be the most insufferable man east of the Mississippi River today.’
The Maestro

BeefReeferLives

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I tried to pull another “worst to first” like last year but it didn’t happen. I will say that the “worst” part of the journey comes easily to me.
scotchnaut

Now, now…

2Pack

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Finally done working, settled in with the (Most White Guy Ever) evening hot chocolate and puffy slippers.

HOW THE FUCK WE DOIN’ B….

/falls asleep face first into the hot chocolate
//drowns
///when they ask how I died an embarrassed Mrs. Horatio will say “Oh, uh, um, he was jerking off with a belt around his neck” rather than tell the truth.
Horatio Cornblower

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This Cult Bowl is so bad, I think I am pulling for titty cancer?
King Hippo

Gumbygirl is watching the Cure Bowl on her evening walk
Mr. Ayo

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The hardest part of this Tua saga is how many times they will have to “break the news” to him between now and Sunday.

Who was that Memento “handler” guy? Teddy??
King Hippo

It’ll be fine on Monday, when they tell him he played and did awesome.
Horatio Cornblower

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Nacua accepting the Jimmy the Greek Player of the Year award at halftime.
Gatoraids

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Idea for the next DFOCon

Doktor Zymm

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Just experienced a first: caller saying he has homicidal — not suicidal — thoughts, but thankfully was self-aware and calm enough to call the local mental crisis hotline for help. The crisis line transferred him to me to get police and EMTs started.
I’m a not a crisis negotiator, but, again, thankfully, the crisis line operator is, and stayed on with me to keep the caller calm and focused. Responders just arrived, and no one is hurt.

Whew.
WCS

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Surveys have shown that most men still can’t find it.

2Pack

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I haven’t seen two offenses this anemic since the the Fourth Royal Cavalry Brigade ran out of beef rations against the vegetarian tribesmen of East Upper Punjab
herodotus450

Jimbo

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Its amazing what happens when you work hard, stay together, and knock your opponent’s franchise QB out of the game by discombobulating their brains.
Redshirt

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so who is giving malik willis the matt flynn contract
fleshwound_NPG

HI IM MARK DAVIS
SonOfSpam

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So apparently Andrew Tate, all-around scumbag, had a boxing match with a gay Netflix actor last night.

The opponent being gay isn’t important here, but what is important here is that the gay Netflix actor kicked the shit out of Andrew Tate.

2025, I like your final acts.
Horatio Cornblower

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My 90 year old nun aunt just sent me my Christmas card- novenas for days! I can be as bad as I want, she’s gonna hook me up at the pearly gates. Time to go outside and get baked, in Jesus’ name, A fucking men!
Gumbygirl

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Minshew out.
McCarthy just got knocked to Tuesday.
Allen is walking to the sideline without a shoe.

QBs are falling left and right.
Redshirt

QAaaaaron thinking about Aiden this afternoon

BeefReeferLives

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Found a funny:

ROOMMATE: hey what the hell happened to my corn
THE INVENTOR OF CREAMED CORN: pretty cool right
rockingdog

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Couldn’t be just one guy, but a roomfull, like a clubhouse setting perhaps… this would be a concern.

2Pack

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Oh, right. Our defense sucks ass.
Redshirt

I didn’t realize Balls was on the Bengals D, but that makes a lot of sense
Doktor Zymm

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DOOR FLIES OPEN

/LemonJello sprints through the clubhouse with only a Jaguars bandana around his wing-wang

DDDUUUUUUUUuuuuuuVVVVVAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLlllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!

DOOR FLIES SHUT
LemonJello

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MARVIN: Ocho, the NFL isn’t going to let you get away with taking a swing at a fan for something that they said.

OCHO: What if the fan was uttering a curse that would make you drop every pass that was thrown your way. The NFL could let you do it then.

MARVIN: But they won’t.

OCHO: But they could.

MARVIN: But they won’t.

OCHO: But they could.

MARVIN: THE NFL WON’T LET A PLAYER COMMIT AN ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A FAN NO MATTER WHAT WORDS CAME OUT OF THEIR MOUTH IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT THE FAN WAS ACTUALLY SAYING AND FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST FOR THE LAST TIME MAGIC ISN’T REAL YOU SOUND LIKE ELI FUCKING MANCHILD WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Well crap, are we boarding yet or is watching the end of this still the most entertaining thing for me in the next few minutes
Doktor Zymm

Oh wait, instead of watching the Pats not fuck this up I can go look at more capybara pics!

Doktor Zymm

Doktor Zymm

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can’t wait til Drake Mayes future wife is stolen by a capoeira instructor
Gatoraids

I read that as Capybara instructor and thought that would be a great job.

litre_cola

Doktor Zymm

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Friday afternoon, we laid Pops LaCross to rest. He didn’t want a big funeral, but that didn’t stop about 80 of his friends and family from paying their final respects graveside. I don’t think I’m ever going to be okay again, he left a hole I don’t think we can fill, but those folks propped up Sis LaCross and I that day and we found some strength. Even the future Duchess LaCross flew in from Yonkers even though she’s going through her own cancer scare.

I haven’t been posting much lately, because I haven’t really been in a spot to bring the funny. It’s been a lonely, sad couple months watching him battle this thing to the end and doing what I can to help him. But I just want to thank y’all for keeping me entertained. Raise a glass in the old man’s honor. And for godsakes, get your buttholes checked as soon as you’re eligible.

Colon cancer is a motherfucker. Trust me, you don’t want to check out that way.
Col. Duke LaCross

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These shame chicken wings are saltier than Andy Rooney on a bad day.
scotchnaut

You know what I hate? Besides Bulgarians? Salty chicken wings. There’s just no reason to put salt on the damn things, especially if you go teriyaki to begin with.


Teriyaki is a solid choice, but in my opinion you’re better with a nice Parmesan, or a good garlic powder.


Now cocaine, that’s a topping no one really thinks of anymore, but back when I was corn holing Bianca Jagger in the Studio 54 basement a lot of us would use it. It had to be a dry rub, of course. If you melted the coke down for a wet sauce you’d get all these fumes and the next thing you knew the chef was OD’d face first in the egg wash and the whole batch was ruined. Then you had to go find another Mexican who was good with chicken, but fortunately those people are a dime a dozen, and they’ll put in an honest day’s work for those dimes, unlike this goddamn Bulgars.

I remember one time, I’m wandering the streets of Sofia whacked out of my mind on some heroin Mick had given me in exchange for leaving Bianca alone, (I wasn’t of course, we were still a hot item on the side but we figured what Mick didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him and besides we all knew about him and Bowie but none of that mattered that night at the foot of the Balkans), and I had no idea where my pants were other than not on my legs

Horatio Cornblower

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

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