That’s right, we don’t even have any EPL fun this weekend. Since Newly Disappointing Everton are out of the FA Cup (i.e., now a “Mickey Mouse” cup, in footy parlance), I could be arsed about that (check ESPN+ in case you get uber-bored, though).
Might as well recap recent events, though. City of Men keep stacking maybe not-so-overwhelming results – but RESULTS all the same. Whereas King’s Afrikan Water Pistols got somewhat fortunate mid-week to get a point away to Brentford. That is…not how you put a Title race to bed, Handsome Mikel.
For Zooropa-watch purposes, it is quite likely that Top 8 will suffice (one division or the other). Prem is very much on course for 5 Shempiens bids, and a non-Top 8 cup winner is extremely unlikely. Cherries, Trashbirds, and the like should hopefully be able to box out any late charge by Geordie Arabia. But we’ll have to wait and see.
On the hardwood, my Wolven Sort took the biggest conference-fixture beating in school history on Monday (at Louisville), now need to get right at home to Da U (today) and the Holes (next). I am still too much of a jinx to watch, but will be nervous all the same.
Also midweek, Hippo got sufficient evidence that he is, in fact, too stupid to read Thomas Pynchon (Hippo is now 0-for-2). I need to make sure my reading list can keep me sane until sweet FITBAW returns.
I don’t think the Danish goalie’s groin is attached on both sides anymore.
Mmmm fall of the bone groin – A Reid.
The only chance Denmark had to win was if goalie Mads Sogaard got hot and stood on his head. He’s just not capable of that. He’s in the Sens org and has been for 5 years. He doesn’t have a shutout yet and has never had a save % over 88 so I know what I’m talking about.*
*for once
USA! USA! USA! USA!
Hey, MURICKANs, that’s quite enough slapdickery for now. Just finish these Diet Vikings, please.
They are not doing so. Quite sloppy defense really.
I wonder if Jack Eichel is related to the Alec Eiffel fellow that the Pixies sang about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWXHlAUe-Sw
Horatio’s Mixed Feelings Report: “Brady Tkachuk has scored for the U.S., that son of a bitch.”
There are no mixed feelings here. I’m rooting for Denmark, and fuck Brady Tkachuk.
Pittsburgh, PA
22,000 ft, DCA to DTW
Headin’ in to Los An-Guh-Leez
Carryin’ a couple of keys
Smart move, that will make it much easier to get into your apartment.
Hey, there I am! You see me, right? I’m wearing a shirt.
A yinzer wearing a shirt? So sad to hear about a death in your family. Glad you were able to show off The Scorpions concert tee though.
Quiet Riot shirt
Most un-Canadian thing I’ve heard today came courtesy of speedskating bronze winner Laurent Dubreuil- “I’ve thought for a while now that I’m just too good to not be an Olympic medalist.”
/he’s not wrong but we just don’t say those kinds of things out loud
Courtesy of the CBC, I heard this for the first time today. The video for this is a fantastic example of when the quality of the song is not matched by the production budget.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9cqd3IoyEQ
Going to Saturday night mass. Anyone need anything? Extra wafers? The blood of Christ? Lemme know.
Shake that one guy’s hand and tell him I said what’s up. He’ll know.
I mean during the “shake your neighbor’s hand” part of the mass, not like randomly, that’d be weird.
Wow, a Tkachuk being a huge piece of shit and taking a cheap shot?
Didn’t see that coming!
/quietly cashes in on Kalshi for have, indeed, seen that coming.
The Danish jerseys are pretty sweet.
The Swiss unis are even sweeter!
/yes, this is a joke about chocolate
And their flag is a big plus.
I can’t boo this joke loud enough.
/groans so loud the 7th Seal checks itself for cracks
Sweden’s are even Sweder
The spandauer jerseys are where it’s at!
/I’d like to thank Ole & Steen for this joke
so true
What the hell is “prebiotic cola”?
I feel like I’m in an AI simulation, like it’s showing me ads for hallucinatory products that don’t actually exist.
“Hey, I”m not sick anymore. That’s great cause that sucked.”
My body: “Hey, try this sore throat and cough since you didn’t get that last time.”
What the fuck? Am I 80?
I love how announcers are talking about the U.S. waltzing to the gold medal game and meanwhile the actual team is down 2-1 because they just gave up a goal on a puck that was struck from beyond the blue line.
I’m as MURICKAN as it gets, have done more to serve this country than the douchebags running it, and I still want Canada to win.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6kq7vAGuTs
When Icing The Puck goes wrong.
Black siding along the rink is certainly a hilarious choice.
Marky Mark’s pregame speech to Denmark was right on the mark apparently.
FAHKIN’ RIGHT IT FACKIN’ DID NO ONE DENIES THIS
That was a remarkably bad goal.
I don’t know if ya guys are CATHALAC but ya gotta know that CHRAHIST should be in yah HAHT!
SAY HELLO TO YOUR MOTHER FOR ME
I have to go to the store, but I’m trapped under the cat. Again! Still! Maintenant!
I mean, I too have blown off a lot of things I was supposed to be doing because of pussy.
I’ve blown off a lot of things because of pussy that never even came my way
[looks around nervously] “I too have blown a lot of pussy.”
J.D. Vance, thinking he nailed it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LasrD6SZkZk
MURICKA vs. Diet Vikings from Benmark currently tied 1-1.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7iNT9HBWeQ
While I’d love to see Denmark upset the US here, the sad fact is we’d probably invade Greenland about 3 minutes after the final whistle if that were to happen.
Oh God.
“Mr. President, if you can put down that 14 year old and empty your diaper, you can give the go ahead.”
Today will NOT be Eileen Gu schadenfreude day.
Nailed that jump.
She’s the real deal.
So my Eileen Who? is no good now.
Do you think anybody will ever buy the rights to the name “Provasic” (from The Fugitive) and use it for a real drug? It’s a much better name than a lot of ones they’re using these days.
I didn’t have a clue as to what Wegovy was for. I initially thought it was a trading platform or an alternative to Amazon, the ads are so frickin’ obtuse.
Because I’m not very interesting, yinz will have to put up with various bitching and moaning about callers’ parking issues.
Afternoon just isn’t as interesting as overnight.
Just tell them “I never really cared for GOB” and hang up.
For a second I thought that was Nancy Pelosi referring to an investment she made where she didn’t have inside information.
Racing in Australia has its risks. RIP Mustang and Roo.
https://twitter.com/IntercontGTC/status/2022752478794502491
The funeral will be held in Hundred Acre Wood, to be officiated by Pooh.
Oh, bother.
I can’t think of anything to do this weekend. Loser shit.
I’ve asked the Dr. Mrs. and she’s provided a helpful list of chores for you to handle.
Much like The Vasa, Swedish medal hopes have been raised. Incredible effort by the 3rd and 4th skiers have them in position for the bronze at a minimum, and threatening for the silver.
Apparently 50 Cent is down the street from me right now, in our basically haunted and all-but abandoned mall, filming something.
I have no urge to go check this out.
In defense of 50 Cent…
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=In8NfbOf7Iw
One of the funniest things ever.
Joy FOAR Litre:
League One Mansfield Town pulled off a giant-killing in Saturday’s FA Cup fourth round with a 2-1 win over top flight strugglers Burnley.
A late goal from Louis Reed completed Mansfield’s comeback from a goal down at Turf Moor to increase the pressure on Burnley boss Scott Parker.
The Premier League side took a 21st-minute lead through Josh Laurent but Mansfield – who are 13th in League One, English football’s third tier, and coached by Nigel Clough, son of the late Brian Clough – levelled after the break through Rhys Oates.
Fuck Scott Parker with a rusty screwdriver.
The Swedish XC-skier first crashed, (the snow conditions are terrible), and broke her binding and had to ski/run on one ski until she could get to a technician and get another ski.
The technician also fell while bringing her a replacement ski.
-huge intake of breath-
THIS SWEDISH XC-SKIING TEAM EFFORT I CALL IT THE VASA BECAUSE IT’S GONE TITS UP BEFORE EVEN GETTING OUT OF THE HARBOR!!!
I read about that very recently.
Haha, yard sale!
https://bsky.app/profile/cjzero.bsky.social/post/3metn25laus2l
Haha, owned!
https://bsky.app/profile/cjzero.bsky.social/post/3metnnhiuqc2l
Loved one of the comments below the crash “The way my Norwegian father stood up and cheered when that happened was diabolical”
THIS SWEDISH LADY I CALL HER LANE MEYER…
Because she’s better off dead? Or because she finished second, as a lady does?
I’m surprised that sponsors haven’t hastily edited Ilia Malinin out of their advertisements after yesterday’s unmitigated disaster.
Jesus Christ yet another streaming service in Canada to watch the 6 nations. I really need to look into one of them dodgy IPTV services. Too many services to pay for.
For the record, I railed at this when everyone was excited about “cord cutting.” Cable TV was one of those few areas where shit just needed to be left well alone. IT WAS FINE, damn it.
Still on the cable here. I need my public broadcaster. I’ve watched plenty of PBS and I think BC’s Knowledge Network has it beat.
And yeah, that cloud’s giving me back sass again
oh, I kept mine too. Just ended up having to buy other shit that I hate using (because I prefer to channel flip aggressively).
Also a member of the old guy cable club. And now Spectrum is including many of the streaming services. The best plan, as usual, was to do nothing.
“Yeah but you can’t expect those women to do it for free.” – Robert Kraft
“Sure you can! Just find an immigrant you can threaten with using your connections to get her green card revoked!” – Steve Tisch
The Barkley Marathon started today. Absolutely insane stuff. You can follow in the internet, but for obvious reasons it’s not televised. Three hours in and one participant has already dropped out.
I thought like Charles Barkley marathon where you eat mozzarella sticks and drink pina coladas for 44 1/3 hours.
Fuck your nonsense. Get me to Chili’s.
Jalapeno poppers are good there
Maybe you should get some from Arby’s today.
I had the re-wedding last night. I just ordered A&W. they have breakfast and regular burgers at the same time.
I get A&W about twice a year and it’s the same every time.
Me: “I love their onion rings!”
Also Me: “JFC! Did they deep fry these things in salt?”
Molten sodium? I hope not.
That one might have a higher fatality rate.
Happy endings.
There is an event in Raleigh, where idjits run from the bell tower (NC State campus landmark) to the downtown Krispy Kreme.
One then consumes an ENTIRE DOZEN glazed donuts, then runs BACK.
/Hippo has seen pictures of the mounds of vomit, and some things one can never unsee
I have heard of this run, and the mounds of vomit.
Never been inclined to give that one a try.
yeah, even I don’t hate myself enough for THAT
Finland vs, Italy, artist’s depiction:
Not that Italy is anything but Finland looks really good. Was surprised the way they handled the Swedes.
Because sliding on a sheet of ice at 60mph with one’s feet forward, why not do it going 75mph on a smaller sled, and head first!
The Dolphins medical team is on standby in the event someone wipes out, causing a back injury.
Mansfield Town on the precipice of knocking out White Lives Matter!
A 3 day weekend with no Decilitre sports. Huzzah! Will have to keep the boy busy though.
“Son, it’s time you started the long path towards becoming a sommelier. Step one, fetch Daddy a bottle of wine.”
The speedskating sprint is 500m. The Biathlon ‘sprint’ is 10 kilometers.
Just enough to get you riled up to shoot somethin!
The Mr. Ayo ‘sprint’ is 5m to the freezer
Happy hallmark profit day to you all. I’ve had enough relationship time to appreciate being single but I always made sure to put in the effort on this day, regardless of the absurdity. It doesn’t matter. Men who do it right, keep her, those who don’t, don’t.
Also flowers on a whim are a huge boon in my opinion. I still wouldn’t trade it for peace and quiet though
Flowers, chocolate, a card from the dollar store, also got up with the boy instead of her. Going to make Paella for dinner. Job done.
If she leaves me I am moving in with you which could be awkward at Easter and Thanksgiving.
You would go insane living with me so you better hope those are good chocolates.
“Peace and quiet” is Hippo’s Love Language
Mrs. Horatio got me a bunch of Kit Kats. I got her two bars of chocolate and some flowers.
And that’ll do it, as neither of us is big on VD. Or Valentine’s Day, for that matter.
That one time in Port O Prince, how were you to know?
Flowers, good wine, and I’m cooking up T-Bones tonight.
And like Dick said, “no reason” flowers are a really good investment.
New comic & article from Dave on the Pats. https://www.thedrawplay.com/
Once again, I find myself nodding in agreement pretty much the whole way through.
& that last sentence?
I think the Patriots take a giant step back next year. They’ll have a much tougher schedule, their O-line isn’t great and their WRs might be worse. I like Vrabel, but I do think that team took every advantage of the easiest schedule in NFL history, (that’s from Dave; I knew it was easy but didn’t know it was that easy), to take three steps forward when they probably only deserved one.
We shall see. The only thing I know for sure about next season is that Dallas won’t win the Super Bowl.
It’s a big difference that 1 vs 4 or whatever schedule. And playing broken teams in the afc playoffs. The rams were the second best team this year by a mile.
They are a well run organization so they will never be out of it for too long. Maye is a winner. Vrabel is a leader of men. And their division will always have 2 chumps and the bills. Who will only go as far as Allen takes them.
Glad the hawks smacked them this year but they’ll be back.
…
The top of Series A is matching up this weekend. Inter is playing Juve today and Napoli and Roma go at it tomorrow.
Made a Valentine’s breakfast for wifey, the boys and a girlfriend.* Strawberries, blueberries, watermelon slices, grapes, eggs to order, (girls are picky, go figure) bacon, scratch hash browns and French toast. And now I can barely move.
*wife was surprisingly easy-going about my girlfriend dropping by
Picky girls? Never heard of that…
Big in Japan, from what I’ve seen.
A representative for TLC lurks in the woods waiting to get you on a show. “Northern Ontario Throuples – Into the bushes”
If there was a way to squeeze the liquid out of the potatoes that didn’t involve washing kitchen towels I would make hash browns much more often.
Yeah, it’s really obnoxious. But also critical.
Absolutely required.
Yeah, that’s a pain. I let Mr. Ore-Ida do that for me. I’m guessing they have some sort of industrial salad spinner thing that gets the juice out without smooshing the spuds too much.
It does not appear as though the Italian men’s hockey team is going to provide their country with their own ‘Miracle on Ice’ this Olympics.
They’re getting pushed around too much out there. They need to beef up!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgKuKgpau2Y
Salford’s kits are phenomenal. Must have one.
Who needs soccer when you have a bunch of frozen ice sports that make no sense?
How DARE you, sir. To use the s-word!!! HERE!!!!???
What the fuck? 10 years of curating futbol here and it is all thrown out the window in one morning by BFC.
As opposed to ICE sports that make no sense, like attempting to deport Puerto Ricans and murdering people for legally carrying a firearm.
I agree about pynchon. I felt the same about Umberto Eco too. I read fiction to be entertained, not break synapses damnit!
WHam! (UK) struggling to put away Burton Albion
Canada lost to Great Britain in curling? Great Britain?
Daukest Dauy Iun Canadian Spourts Hiustoury?
It’s not like the Leafs missed the playoffs smgdh
Not as embarrassing as losing to Good Britain, but still a sad day for Canadians.
It’s a Scottish sport, so Great Britain being good at it, as opposed to literally any other Winter Olympic sport, (see Eagle, Eddie the), makes sense.