Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Got my wife’s cold. Great start to the week. Is 8PM too early to go to bed?
Asking for me.
And work is just crazy as I have a big release this week, so need to be around and all productive like. Boooo
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Yesterday we went to an Italian deli/restaurant in Burbank and a chatty guy in front of us was giving us very enthusiastic recommendations for everything they served and when we got to the end of line the cashier handed us a plate of three cannolis that the guy bought for us. Super nice thing to do. I wish all people were that nice and would just randomly buy me things, the world would be a better place.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
“Successful Retired White Guy Isn’t Given Enough Free Things. Is America About To Collapse?”
-A Fox News Exclusive
scotchnaut
/the younger boy’s girliefriend is still trying to get a handle on how we do things here
Me: “Try this, let me know what you think.”
Girlie: “Woof! So much ginger!”
Me: “Huh, ok.”
Girlie: “But I Really Like Ginger!”
Me: “But it was too much?”
Girlie: “Uh..umm. yes. BUT I REALLY LIKE THE SOUP.”
Me: “I’m just looking for your honest opinion, that’s it. If you don’t like it at all just tell me. Everyone has their preferences, it’s fine.”*
*not verbatim
/I get the notion that she doesn’t want to ruffle feathers because in her house criticism of the adults-in any form whatsoever-is frowned upon.
scotchnaut
I am enjoying the feud between myself and Don, and I look forward to discussing it further with him the next time I go to Puerto Rico and he takes us to some ramshackle little road side restaurant that somehow has the best roast pork on the island.
Horatio Cornblower
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update: I have checked in and am now in the Jurors’ Lounge.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update #2: After 4 loops through, the woman running the jurors’ lounge asked if anyone still wanted to hear the instructional film anymore. Literally no one wanted to, so she mercifully has left it on pause. No actual movement on if anyone in this room is being called into a courtroom.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update #3: the first jury pools have been called. I am not in them. Back to my book.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Update #4: they have now called another jury pool. I am also not in that one. There are probably only like 40 or so or us left in the jurors’ lounge.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
Final update: the expected third jury pool is not needed, therefore the rest of us are dismissed. We are helpfully advised that we are not obligated to return to work as jury duty is 9-5, and that this fulfills our civic obligation for the next two years. I am now going to get some chicken for lunch.
This has been BFC Reporting live from Jury Duty!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Predictions are fun!
1) The Dems will take the House easily, and the Senate will be 51-49 one way or another. NOW LET’S WATCH HOW WRONG THIS IS!
b) Trump dies from a stroke this summer. There will be much rejoicing. (This cannot be 50% wrong)
pi) The next ICE killing will be of an ICE guy. Maybe even friendly fire! But it will be blamed on a Honduran or possibly a Sri Lankan.
69) Timothy ChallahBread will win Best Actor for playing ping pong and no one will be happy about it. Meanwhile, Michael B. Jordan plays kickass twins named Smoke and Stack and everyone shrugs. I’m already really pissed about this.
potato) Dammit, this could have been its own column. Maybe next year.
SonOfSpam
Happy new Friday everyone.
Youngest right and littlest right are flying in tomorrow as is favorite neice and her husband.
We have no plan but there will be massive together time and there will be so much love.
Woo!
We’re gonna have a best dish competition on Saturday.
One of life’s best lessons is humility.
They’re about to find out.
FUCK YES!
yeah right
Ciao tutti
2Pack
Give that dog a medal or a treat.
Jimbo
Ugh, I have to write my self review today. Way more lightweight than at Meta, and only once a year, but still, bleh
Doktor Zymm
Seems pretty easy to me.
Volcano Lair Management: Exceeds Expectations
Minion Employment Efficiency: Exceeds Expectations
World Domination Planning: Exceeds Expectations
Control of Puppet Governments and Their Leaders: Met Expectations*
*Got to leave some room for improvement for next year
LemonJello
Love the Women’s Olympic hockey medal presentation. Swiss are all smiles getting their bronze medals, the Canadians are “oh great this piece of shit” getting their silvers.
Horatio Cornblower
Olympic hockey has just been off the charts insane the last two days.
Horatio Cornblower
Apparently “Italian Ice” is a euphemism for “cocaine”.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Horatio Cornblower
USA: “We can’t investigate the government; the system will fall apart!”
UK: “Well now, we just arrested The King’s brother.”
https://www.cnn.com/2026/02/19/uk/andrew-mountbatten-windsor-arrest-what-we-know-intl
Redshirt
They arrested him on his birthday, lolololol!
Gumbygirl
Couple of beers, couple of bourbons. Had an argument with the wife, then she came back to sit. I was telling her about you guys and the meetup in Vegas.
“You should go, I’ll go and play the slots.”
Wanted to know my name on this board, I refused to tell her. Wanna know why?
Cause she’s the nosiest person I know. I need some modicum of privacy.
jjfozz
“Trying to stay awake long enough for the youngest skull fracture boy to bring back wings from the takeout place.”
-excerpt from my recent autobiography My Struggle*
*not gonna lie, the profits from the German translation alone has made me one of the ten richest Canadians of all time
scotchnaut
I’ve been in Chicago all week avoiding the buckets of water dumping down on California. Going to a steakhouse for dinner tonight, so very high probability of a martini to start. Haven’t been to a steakhouse in ages, there is a 100% chance of leftovers!
Doktor Zymm
I made terrific fish tacos with blue corn tortillas and curtido – that’s what the recipe said – last night for a lovely woman with à Serena Williams ass last night and then paid thousands less than I expected for my car repairs today.
I feel like a hundred dollars. At a five dollar party. The world can shove it, enjoy the good days.
Sexy Friday to top it off. Fuck Tool so much.
BC Dick
Had lamb for dinner. Not to be sheepish about it, it was really fucking good.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Ewe have to be fucking kidding me
herodotus450
I am full of meat!
Doktor Zymm
I would easily bet all three digits of my checking account and all two digits of my savings account that this really happened.
Redshirt
This was outstanding, DM! I found a funny that is tangentally related to this ( if you squint) Hope it posts, odds are not always in my favor
Gumbygirl
#GuessTheTop!
King Hippo
Lynard Skinhead
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Velveeta Aboveground
scotchnaut
Dinosaur Jrs.
scotchnaut
The Cult, for which there is no Cure
Gumbygirl
Squirrel Jam
scotchnaut
Squirrel Butt Sippers
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
They Might Be Retards
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
They Might Be Giant Assholes
Frankie Goes To Dollywood
Vomeo ‘Roid
SonOfSpam
Grifter Do
scotchnaut
Brains Affliction.
scotchnaut
Blood, Sweat & Viral Load
Doktor Zymm
Is it too late to add this to tomorrow’s thread
Brocky
I fished here yesterday and these reef fish made me look like an asshole. Probably to be expected since the off-Hawaii ocean is not a calm freshwater lake.
blaxabbath
Found a funny:
Taylor Sheridan pulling a slot machine arm
“Ok, we got… Kurt Russell… as a… Fire Chief in… Paducah, Kentucky”
Paramount Exec: Sure whatever, here’s $40,000,000.
All of our parents: Prairie of Flames is the best show on TV
rockingdog
Have you ever tried to order a pizza on DoorDash while you’re completely coked-up and also getting a blowjob from a $900/hour hooker?
Me neither but I’ll bet it’s harder than it sounds.
Brick Meathook
If you’re coked up you definitely won’t be harder.
Jimbo
Sharkbait
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
NOTE banner image from here
Nothing scheduled-anything going on?
Lol, TCM is showing “Gaslight” tonight against Trump’s blithering.
1) That’s VERY funny
2) That movie was frustrating. Like, screaming at the screen at the dumb person in a horror movie. But then, women were to be seen and not heard back then I guess.
“Back then?”
-US Men’s Hockey team
Man, fuck those guys (except the 4 Minnesotans who skipped tonight’s bullshit).
Damnit Rikki. There are better ways to stop the vacuuming
https://www.cnbctv18.com/technology/security-flaw-allows-man-to-accidentally-gain-control-of-nearly-7000-robot-vacuums-ws-l-19856941.htm/amp
But are they as fun?
Last year’s runner-up Inter Milan is about to be bounced from the Shempions League by something called Bodø/Glimt.
/puts hand to earpiece
I’m being told Bodø/Glimt is is Norwegian club whose supporters bring huge yellow toothbrushes to home matches.
I’ve arrived here in lovely* Menifee, CA. My noise measurement will be done at noon tomorrow, so I’ve got 23 hours left to kill. The hotel was kind enough to let me check in 2.5 hours early, so that’s definitely a plus.
*that’s not actually sarcasm; there’s snow on the mountains here so the view is actually quite nice
Dude, you are a gnat’s eyelash from Temecula. Go wine it up!
NAWT something I would want to be made public.
https://x.com/sdutKevinAcee/status/2026338728101425598?s=20
Ass herpes?
FWIW I never told anybody about that time you caught chlamydia from that goat.
I appreciate your discretion. That goat has a family.
Caught from, gave to. Potato tomato!
The original tweet is great, but this reply is actually thoughtful in an extremely unexpected way. Using Xcancel because fuck Elon and embedding
https://xcancel.com/ambrose_pike/status/2026145997911441662#m
Trump: “Tonight the entire world will tune in to watch me!”
700 AM WLW: “We’ll switch to you once the basketball game is over. The Bearcats have put together some wins and are close to being on the bubble!”
If ever there were a time for God to grant me the power to hate something so much it explodes.
If such a thing were possible I am quite sure I’d have blown my chance a dozen times over before I was even ten years old.
Bravo
Thanks bud! Speaking of no Cure, I just realized I have been out and about all day wearing two different socks. I’m afraid I’ve got the Alzheimers. Or is it the Wisenheimers?
Gunner “Prince Laserface?” Rivers is going to NC State like his old man! I was sure he was going to Auburn.
More bitches in the Wolfpack?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTAud5O7Qqk&list=RDCTAud5O7Qqk&start_radio=1&pp=ygUVbW9kZXN0IG1vdXNlIGZsb2F0IG9uoAcB0gcJCaIKAYcqIYzv
Thanks BoLaMS, no 8pm is not too early for bed. I hit the rack between 8 and 10 depending on what’s going on but truth be told I like 8. 0400 wake up becomes very doable.
any one else super confused last night why there were no Olympics’ highlights on?
No?
Just me?
I was looking for the results for the Mixed Bag 15K Banana Pipe Biathlon w/ Ranch Dressing.
I’d watch the fuck out of that.
-me and Andy Reid
Just missing them…
Just like the Americans in the biathlon.
Hey-O!
I have a big release this week
– R Kraft boarding his flight to Florida
– P North boarding his flight to Burbank
-D. Trump, doubling up on his Depends each morning
-[REDACTED]
Bears repeating: El Cuñao is NOT ramshackle. It’s folkloric. But yeah, the only bottle service you’ll get is a Medalla smashed on your head for dissing the décor. By another patron, staff would never do that. Those folks are ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.
For reference
I’ll take 2 of those and 2 Caribs. Put them in a bucket full of ice and I’ll turn the thermostat up to 80 and put some Buffett on
“A wearable buffet? I’ll take three!” – Coach Reid, holding up a fistful of cash
One of the best beers I ever had was an ice cold Medalla after a day sliding down waterfalls and then snorkeling on the beach. Is it a good beer in general? Not particularly. Did that individual beer cut through all the sweat and salt water with icy cold goodness like it was its job? Oh Lawd Yes.
Those are the best beers.
The empanadas the beer went with didn’t hurt any.
(the SoCal contingent can just step outside to experience 80 today sourry)
It’s too hot, waaaaaaaaaa!
When we were there there was a cat that seemed to be waiting on tables, or at least preparing to bus them.
Which, I must emphasize, is awesome.
Those places are always the best. Food is authentic, plentiful and delicious. Company is the salt of the earth.
/ while habitually finding a seat in the corner by the door with your back against the wall.
Whether described as ‘ramshackle’ or ‘folkloric’ if you happen to be in Puerto Rico you need to go to El Cunao.
The meal for the three of us, including several beers, was something like $75 with tip and I don’t think I was hungry again until breakfast the next day. And it was delicious.