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No, not that it’s coming back. Maybe it is. Depends on a LOT, and I didn’t even watch Champions II. Buuuut, there is a new “Pro League” aka “an AI company gave them money for a 24-team tourney, maybe it can spin to a full season on not-Discovery because Zaslov and the bullshittery that is modern television.” So that’s something.
The way it works: 6 4-bot groups (so 24 total). The 6 winners and 2 wild-cards compete in the final knockout tournament to determine a champion. There are rumors of relegation being in this, which I imagine would be some sort of Face-Off related fights since the Destruct-a-Thon Las Vegas show is still a thing. Here are the groups, and my thoughts and brief analysis:
Group A: Manta, Skorpios, Valkyrie, Terrortops
Manta, an eggbeater spinner, is definitely the group favorite and a favorite to win the whole thing thanks to its performance at Robogames in 2023 and 24, where it won the tournament both times. Terrortops has shown promise and could be an interesting fight, especially in a control battle against Skorpios. Skorpios looks to do well as one of the big spinner killers, which will help against Valkyrie, but have struggled with verts and drums.
Group B: Claw Viper, MadCatter, Tombstone, Magnitude
Now this one is interesting. Claw Viper’s speed will certainly help it in its fights, especially against Tombstone. Tombstone… has wheel guards now? Isn’t that, like, anathema to how Ray has operated for the last 20 years? Call that a big deal. I don’t think that’s the big thing with Tombstone as much as Newton’s Third Law. I don’t know gearing and how a torque/acceleration-first setup would work and if it would take away from the power. The last time MadCatter and Tombstone squared off Tombstone won, but that was years ago. Magnitude I don’t know a ton about, but the eggbeater has done well at Robogames and may be the popular pick.
Group C: Cobalt, Copperhead, The Twins, Jackpot
Now this one seems wide open. Three of these bots you know, but notably with Copperhead, it’s an all-new team, complete with a 9 year old on the sticks. The new team are NHRL vets finally taking it to the 250-lb. division, so no, it’s not neophytes. I have to do the research of their NHRL bots, but the point is, the robot is legit. The questions would be whether they’ve changed things in fabrication, but that seems like they know what they’re doing. Cobalt has been one of my favs, but the question is always about whether the disc can actually reach because of how high up on the wedge it is. Jackpot remains solid and could be in the mix. The Twins are a 2 in 1 vertical spinner team with some pretty fucking good lineage—it’s Seems Reasonable’s entry for the league, forgoing both Tantrum and Blip.
Group D: Death Roll, End Game, Malice, Golden Fury
End Game has to be the odds-on favorite in the group. Golden Fury has plenty of eyes on it, as the team from India applied for World Championship V but didn’t make the cut, and the bot has evolved from there with tournaments in India and Russia. But End Game has been the gold standard post-Bite Force, with one Giant Nut and two Golden Bolts to its name.
Group E: Bloodsport, HUGE, Minotaur, HyperShock
It’s the Group of Death! Fuck if I know who’ll win it. You’ve got HUGE against two verts (one of whom will almost certainly attempt a better version of their Battle Rakes, although I’m pretty sure Alex Bales is still the driver even if Vertigo is not in the tournament), but it has to fight its weakness, a powerful overhead horizonal. I’ll say HUGE or Minotaur are the two favorites, as Minotaur is one of the two best bots without a major BattleBots title (Giant Nut or Golden Bolt, and we’ll get to the other shortly). I would be unsurprised if one of the wild cards come out of this group.
Group F: Orbitron, Ribbot, Witch Doctor, Switchback
Orbitron has the AI driving hype, but Chomp’s lidar meant it was a bit late. For now, I’d hazard it’s not there yet. I believe it’ll come down to Witch Doctor and Ribbot, and the eternal bridesmaids Witch Doctor are my favorite in the group.
Picks: Group Winners: Manta, Magnitude, Jackpot, End Game, HUGE, Witch Doctor. Wild Cards: Minotaur, either Death Roll or Copperhead.
No idea how they’ll seed, so I’ll get to that later. It should be aired on Youtube at some point, so the Beat may be yet reborn!
Will I watch Champions II? Yeah, I guess. The car accident took my mechanical destruction appetite for some time, so I guess I should do that. And get back on my Taskmaster binging. But after human sports!
Play-In Basketball, for the right to get pantsed in the next round:
The Orlando Magic Song vs. Joel Embiid’s voodoo-based deaths (ORL vs. PHI, East 7 seed game. Winner gets the Celtics, loser hosts the Hornets.) (7:30… YOU’RE PUTTING THIS SHIT ON PRIME? JESUS FUCK, NBA.)
Steph’s corpse tries for one? last run vs. “Who cares, it’s the Clippers” (GS vs. LAC, West 9-10 game. Winner heads to Phoenix in the 8th seed play-in, loser goes home.) (10:00… still on Prime, those fucks.)
Mostly meaningless hockey until next week or so
BEER SABER FOR ALL! (DAL vs. BUF, 7:30, TNT) (This game means nothing for both teams, DAL has clinched Central-2, BUF has clinched Atlantic-1/2-seed)
Normal-ass baseball, that isn’t the Yankees on Prime because that doesn’t deserve press. Also because their offense is currently somewhere around Season H Nocturnes level. (13th/14 in runs per game, but we lead the West at 7-5!)
Team I mock vs. Team everyone hates (NYM vs. LAD, 10:10, FS1)
CONCACAF Cup: Now with U.S. Soccer heads getting jobs in Saudi Arabia!
LA Galaxy vs. Toluca (9:00, FS2)
TWEAKER SPECIAL! Seattle vs. Tigres (11:30, FS2)
Hope everyone got their taxes in! I’m not happy about it, and I’m sure you’re not either.
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