LA Football Report – Post Thanksgiving Farts edition

Here we are, once again, to see where we are on the LA football landscape. Everything seems to be coming up Millhouse for good ole LA as we have three teams in first place and the other just landed the biggest fish in the NCAA coaching pond.

There is a lot happening, even if most of the city doesn’t care.  Let’s get started…

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Here is our handy dandy attendance table:

As you can see, the pro teams are getting closer to the records of the college teams while still lagging woefully behind on total attendance. I’ve added an average attendance number to make it easier to do comparisons as well as the teams’ overall win percentage.

One thing to note is that I don’t believe for a second the “official” attendance numbers the NFL puts out. Those are, of course, calculated based on seats sold, not actual people through the turnstiles. Did you see some of the crowd shots at the Chargers-Browns game?

LOVE IT!!

Our good friends at Empty Seats Galore (@EmptySeatsPics on Twitter) are the source of those pics and they have a lot more from not just the Chargers but other games.  If you are on the Twitter, I highly suggest a follow.

They noted, ironically enough, that as the Chargers’ record keeps improving, the attendance keeps dropping. It just goes to show you that in LA we prefer our greed disguised and glamourized as opposed to brazen and in the open. Dean, you’re just not an LA kind of guy…

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USC

The Trojans wrapped up a successful regular season by winning the Pac 12 conference after sweeping the Pac 12 South.  The win over Stanford was the first for a South team over the North in the long long history of the Pac 12 Championship Game.  Up next is a Cotton Bowl date against THE Ohio State Buckeyes in what, as used to be tradition, would/should have been a killer Rose Bowl.

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UCLA

UCLA fired Head Coach Jim Mora and, within a week which is lighting fast for UCLA, hired Chip Kelly as the new coach.  The “competition” for Kelly’s services was basically between Florida and UCLA and Chip chose the anonymity of life in Westwood/LA where people see celebrities at the local Ralphs and DGAF instead of Gainsville where there is fuckall to do besides overanalyze every play from last year’s bowl game and complain about the program.

Tough decision…

The big question will be how quickly Chip can produce results.  I doubt Rosen comes back and he really shouldn’t.  He should cash in that sweet sweet New York money.  Can you imagine the USC QB with the Jets and the UCLA QB with the Giants?  It’ll be like LA for the last three years except people will actually give a shit!

The Bruins will play in the Cactus Bowl in the Diamondbacks’ stadium in Phoenix on Boxing Day.  All I can say is that at least there is a pool in that stadium!  Anyone want to watch the game in that STD bouillabaise?

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RAMMIT

Rammit is in first place in the NFC West after beating a hapless Cardinals side on Sunday.  Despite Hippo’s protestations, I still refuse to believe that they are any good.  They also still have a game left against the Seahawks and it’s in Seattle.  Ask Philly how well that went.  I predict they lose the division to Seattle and settle for a Wild Card spot.  And I only say that because the rest of the NFC is RANK.  Seriously, have you looked at the standings? Carolina and Atlanta are the only competition for Wild Card spots and they both have a TON more playoff experience than RAMMIT which doesn’t bode well for them down the stretch.

Then again, the Falcons really know how to blow things, so maybe RAMMIT will get in the playoffs…

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Shitty Clippers

The Shitty Clippers are tied for first place in the AFC West with the Kansas City Chiefs and the Oakland Raiders thanks to the Chiefs’ spectacular collapse into shittyness and the injury to Derek Carr that has slowed him down tremendously. Those two things don’t happen and the Chargers are mired in third, possibly fourth.  It greatly helps that Denver has no QB and doesn’t plan on getting one any time soon.

The Shitty Clippers’ playoff hopes reside in the continuous decline of the Chiefs (did Roger Goodell threaten to buy up all of the BBQ sauce in KC? What has gotten into Andy Reid’s head?) and the putridness of the rest of the AFC.  Baltimore is coming on so there’s one Wild Card and Jacksonville needs to catch a shitty team on an even week to vault them into the second Wild Card spot. Lucky for them, Wild Card Weekend is technically an odd week.  I say the Clips miss the playoffs altogether with the Raiders’ upcoming home game in Carson giving them the division.

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So, while it’s nice to have teams in first place, the season is not close to being over and there is a lot of football to be played.  Sure, the pro teams can surprise me and end up in first place in their respective divisions and go far in the playoffs.  I can also meet Ivanka Trump, sweep her off her feet, and become Ambassador to Mexico.

I think only Hippo is willing to bet on that.  See you next time…