Request Line: Cats and Dogs

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

The PRODUCER and an ANIMAL TRAINER are standing outside the recording booth.

PRODUCER: Are you sure they’re going to be able to get along?

ANIMAL TRAINER: Oh, yeah, yeah. That whole thing about them hating each other is an old wives tale.

PRODUCER: That is literally not true.

ANIMAL TRAINER: [smiles sheepishly] Okay, you got me, but it’s really just certain pairs of dogs and certain cats.  Other ones get along fine.  These two have been in the league together for years; they are both professionals.

PRODUCER: Well could you at least get him to stop shoving his asshole in my face?

ANIMAL TRAINER: That just means he likes you!

PRODUCER: Well, here goes nothing. [punches talkback button] You guys all set in there?

JAY CUTLER inspects the bottle of water they have set in front of him, disdainfully sets it aside.

CUTLER: Hey have you guys got a bathroom?

PRODUCER: Sure, it’s…

CUTLER: [holds out glass] Maybe fetch me some water from one of the toilets? I’d prefer that to this [glances disdainfully at the bottle].

PRODUCER: Maybe after the first commercial break, we’re about to go to air.  You ready?

CUTLER: I was born ready.

PRODUCER: Great. How about you?

SWAGGER THE DOG: Bark!

PRODUCER: Okay, sounds good.  Live in three…two…one…

CUTLER: Hi folks, and welcome to another edition of Request Line.  I’m your host Jay Cutler and with me all the way from the collapsing infrastructure and burning rivers of Cleveland is Swagger the Dog.

SWAGGER: Bark!

PRODUCER: Thanks so much for joining us, guys.  First off – the draft.  You guys got any inside dish for our listeners?

CUTLER: Well, apparently Andy Reid was desperately trying to get Brett Veach to trade up until they explained to him that Baker Mayfield isn’t an actual baker.

SWAGGER: Bark!

CUTLER: I know, right?

PRODUCER: And how about your own teams?

CUTLER: [shrugs]

SWAGGER: [whimpers]

PRODUCER: Swagger, you weren’t happy with Cleveland’s picks?

SWAGGER: Bark!

CUTLER: Yeah, Saquon would have been a better pick at 1.  Then take one of the quarterbacks that is left at 4.

SWAGGER: [CENSORED]

PRODUCER: [covers eyes]

CUTLER: Yeah, I don’t understand why they didn’t take Chubb either.

PRODUCER: Oh god I’m glad there’s no camera for this.

CUTLER: Anyhow, let’s get to the music.  Today’s topic is “cats and dogs”. We’re talking songs about canines and felines.  Bands named after these animals work too.  Swagger, you want to get us started?

SWAGGER: Bark!

CUTLER: Nice.  And let’s DOUBLE SHOT that up.  Give us a call, folks, let us know what you want to hear.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7ho7yf1YWY

Editor’s Note: Feel free to include images of your own furry friends in the comments, if you wish.