Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

Business is brisk at The Salvation Army store on Sundays. It wasn’t always this way, hell it wasn’t even open on Sunday before I offered to put in the time. You see, the shop is a nondescript building that faces another nondescript building and they’re separated by an over-sized walkway. The only other business of note open on the sabbath is a bottle store. I happened to grab some vodka before the football games and noticed the large amount of people loading up. Many of them were a certain kind of people. My kind of people.

I suggested to the world-weary and harried spinster that ran things that I could, perhaps, maybe run a Sunday shift. Hell, I could do it on my own-all she had to do was open up for me. Well, it didn’t take long for her, maybe just three weeks, to decide that missing the beginning of Coronation Street wasn’t worth the hassle. So I got the keys just as I had planned. Of course I was the only one working as well. And sales increased overall by 15% because, as I suspected, a part of the demographic that buys alcohol early on Sunday morning also happens to shop at a used goods store. Sometimes a plan is just that easy to put into action and, you know, execute.

A guy by the name of Brad started stopping by and I’d pour him a coffee and we’d chat away. The cashiers desk was elevated so that I could survey the entire store quite easily all while ‘flapping gums’ as they say. Brad’s clothes were worn but not raggedy so I guessed he’d only recently ran into a rough patch. He eventually made it known that he was working in a wrecking yard and busted up his leg in an accident. Some nasty hospital fees (no insurance of course) and a later infection that sent him right back into care for two weeks put an end to him having an address.

“You know what I miss most about having a place?”, he asked one day. “Huh, no idea”. “It’s being able to sit back today with a cold beer and just relax and watch football.” Of course his team was the Browns-it couldn’t have been any other. The gears started doing their calculations…

The following week I closed the store one hour early so that we could catch the 4 o’clock games. There was a dark dive bar that I knew, the sort of place where everyone is a serious drinker and everyone minds their own business or they’re out the door real fast. Brad drank down that first glass from the pitcher in two gulps. Yeah, as I thought, he liked his beer and didn’t get to drink much these days. I offered to buy him a burger or something but he wanted that alcohol to sit on his empty stomach for awhile. He entertained me with stories of Peyton Hillis, Dennis Northcutt (Dennis Northcutt?) and ‘that son of a bitch’ Butch Davis.

By seven it was time to go because he was sloppy and all over the place. I could feel a few eyes looking in our direction and that’s all it took. I insisted that he grab a spot on a park bench and sober up a little before heading to the hostel where he was staying. He was amenable. Things happened fast. I stuffed a rag in his mouth when his head lolled back, punched him hard in the stomach to knock the wind out of him and then I knew he was mine.

Heading back to the car I was worried about all the spatter on my clothes should someone happen by but it was a sleepy Sunday night and there was only  dogwalker at a safe, unidentifiable distance. Business is still brisk at the store, might stick around a bit longer. Oh, almost forgot-Goodnight, Brad.

TO THE GAME!

Cowboys/Saints:

Dallas wins 20-10 as OC Kellen Moore continues to weave his magic spells over DAK!, Amari and Zeke.

Have at it gringos!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Would someone be kind enough to look up the result of the Australia-Wales rugby game and let me know whether it is worth watching? Final margin within ten points is a yes. Please do not tell me the actual score or who won!

Thanks.

Mr. Ayo

That would be a yes.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thanks!

Sharkbait

I haven’t watched nearly enough of this tournament as I want to

Fronkenshteen

If Hippo thoughts was in the old Night Owl Edition of the NY Daily News, I’d stay at the bar until it came out.

Porky Prime
Doktor Zymm

Good book I read while on vacation: Jerome K. Jerome’s Three Men in a Boat (To Say Nothing of the Dog)

Unsurprised

Good hustle all around.

Sharkbait

I’ve switched to food porn on YouTube. Now I want fried chicken

Gratliff

I see there was a pick at the end. Was this ufford meme the pick? If so, lol.
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Mr. Ayo

That was an incompletion. But lol.

Porky Prime

Surprisingly entertaining day of football all around. Almost makes one ignore the emotionally crippling onslaught of life’s misery. Plus, Amazon sent me my Hydrox cookies.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Always did like them better than Oreos. Didn’t know they still made them.
AMAZON HERE I COME!!!!!!

ALXMAC
Unsurprised

Fuck the Cowboys.

Doktor Zymm

Done and done!

ALXMAC
Doktor Zymm

Game ended early, so they’re just gonna play commercials till the local news comes on, correct?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Not on my TV.
I’m gonna play Family Feud.

Doktor Zymm

“Name a football team everybody hates”

Gratliff

Cowboys currently winless against NFL teams. You hate to see it.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Why the fuck does Aaron Rodgers take his State Farm agent wherever he goes? Is he that accident prone?

Spur

Fuck you Teddy. You didnt do shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe he needs some Metamucil?

Spur

Fuck this. I hope a Brees’s thumb falls off. Fuck you too Kellen, Dak needed designed runs.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought you were a Houston fan.

Horatio Cornblower

You’re going to be in bad shape after the Green Bay game.

Mr. Ayo

Dallas fans react reasonably

King Hippo

y’all please read my turrible column in the morn. Good night and good luck.

Sharkbait

With pleasure. Love Hippothoughts.

Mr. Ayo

Highlight of the week. Love giving my Hippo decoder ring a workout.

Doktor Zymm

While this is a fine way to end a Sunday, still blows that tomorrow is Monday

theeWeeBabySeamus

All ya gotta do is call in sick and eat taquitos while watching Jerry Springer.

Or so I’ve heard.

Sharkbait

Fact.

Gratliff

I can only go by the score because House Hunters has been on my TV since the start of the 4th quarter. Can I assume that was a miserable display of football?

Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t watch all of it, but what I did see was some decent defensive play by both teams.

Dallas’s decision to butter their offensive players hands in the first half seems, in hindsight, to have been a mistake.

Spur

Remember this bullshit Dallas. Get even. Get revenge!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yes, Dallas. Next time there’s a big hurricane in New Orleans, send all the refugees to El Paso. That’ll learn ’em!

Spur

Close the state line. Those Cajuns fucks can go to Arkansas

Doktor Zymm

Just stick em in a boat to downtown Houston

Game Time Decision

Tainter-ception

hippofant

DPI on the Saints so New Orleans will burn. Come on refs!

King Hippo

I also hoped for this. Or a roughing the passer.

ALXMAC
theeWeeBabySeamus

Kick the 70 yarder!!!!! It’s history!!!!!

Spur

suddenly all the Dallas haters appear. Bunch of cowards

Spur

Not litre or Grat

Gratliff

That’s not true. I’ve been here all along.

Doktor Zymm

Suddenly?

Horatio Cornblower

Man, you need to show up more often.

Porky Prime
Horatio Cornblower

Fuck it, go for the FG, what the hell.

Doktor Zymm

How many fantasy points for a 70 yarder?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Right?

King Hippo

seriously, 70 yards in a dome is better odds than Hail Mary or hook and many laterals

Horatio Cornblower

Agree. Unless you’re Rodgers or Brady and 60-40 to get a PI call you may as well let the kicker take a shot at the record book.

King Hippo

maybe they even line up offside or some dumb shit

Doktor Zymm

Touchdown Seahawks!

Viva La Tabula Raza

President Trump assures me that HE could kick a 70 yarder.

Spur

You call that NOW ?

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, that’s a terrible call.

Spur

am stressing out my dog

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Quit smearing peanut butter on your balls

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m glad you said it so I didn’t have to.
😀

King Hippo

choosy mutts choose Nutella!

King Hippo

oopsie doodle

Doktor Zymm

SACK SACK SACK INTERCEPT SACK GROUNDING!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Worst screen pass in evar? WORST SCREEN PASS IN EVAR!!!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. Walked almost eight miles today. Some slight chafing ensued. Still feel better than Trubisky probably does.

Game Time Decision

TD? Please let it stand

Doktor Zymm

ALL HAIL SCHROEDINGER, GOD OF WHAT IS CATCH

Horatio Cornblower

What is pass, in this case. Maybe a demi-god

Doktor Zymm

We don’t know what he’s God of until we observe it

Horatio Cornblower

BUT THE BOX WON’T OPEN!!!

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Let’s all go to Sean Payton’s house and raid his ‘fridge.

Mr. Ayo

Hippo has dibs on the pills.

Sharkbait

Catch.

Doktor Zymm

It’s been a little over a year since I was last in NOLA, but it was super fun. GO SAINTS

Horatio Cornblower

Can’t wait for the 92 yard FG attempt

Spur

Good Lord. Not Smith

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey Hippo…. ‘Member that night the Wolven Sort broke Teddy Bridgewater?
That poor guy got beat all to hell that night.

Sharkbait

Safety for the safety Gods?

Doktor Zymm

So, I’m going to be in Chicago third weekend of October. I would have to change from a morning flight, but if the Redacteds are still unfeated then (which seems likely) I totally want to go watch Niners@Snyders at my old Redacteds bar. Worth it?

Sharkbait

Absolutely.

herodotus450

Is this the fastest game in NFL history? Possibly under 3 hours.

litre_cola

Been fantastic

hippofant

Drew Brees looked like that little league dad who is trying his goddamned hardest to hold it all in in front of the kids.

Horatio Cornblower

Excellent analogy

Horatio Cornblower

And

Away

We

Go!

King Hippo

plus lost LT

plus plus 10-second runoff

Spur

Hope is a good thing – Andy

Horatio Cornblower

Oh look, here come The Sisters.

Spur

that made me giggle

Horatio Cornblower

Honestly stunned they didn’t just hit Jaylon for 15 yards for helmet-to-helmet on that one.

King Hippo

Really good defensive FITBAW!! here