This week will be the only impeachment submissions day we enjoy. Some of you may not care for it but, let’s be honest here, Quotables isn’t about the submission captions, it’s about the commentist participation. That said, thanks for letting me give it the ol’ college try here.
Anyways, at the time you read this (Tuesday) I will be traveling to Santa Fe, New Mexico for a few days. It’s….a place I have never before been. But don’t worry, I have a late flight on Thursday that includes a sweet layover (because there are no Vegas to Santa Fe direct flights) that’ll give me time to judge your submission and assemble Friday’s results post. And so, with that out of the way, I give you your Week 4 Quotables submissions!
[…] 2019 Quotables – Week 4 (Submissions) – October 1, 2019 […]
I said I ain’t no holla back girrrrrl
Make it 55% dirtier
–V. Burfict
No, YOUR city is worse than Mar-a-Lago!
“See, Dobbs? I told you I could throw a football over those mountains.”
Forget the Molotov cocktail, burn all of Duval County to the fucking ground
That’s worth 1.67X the “other” kind of catch, right?
First basketball and now volleyball? These tight ends are getting out of hand.
THIS GUY, I CALL HIM THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST BECAUSE HE’S GOING TO HAUNT ME WHILE I WATCH KHALIL MACK WREAK HAVOC ON THE LEAGUE AFTER I TRADED THAT ONE AWAY FOR NOTHING BUT A BUCKET OF BEER AT HOOTERS
“Stop, stop, it’s the Browns! They’ll choke on their own!”
Even Tarik Cohen thinks this is inappropriate
“That’s my tenth suspension, my next one is free!”
“Can’t let some no-name upstart on the Patriots steal my ‘Most CTE’s Administered’ crown!”
—VB
“Man, if I could juggle things half as well as that, maybe my staff would stop changing my title to ‘Professional Daughter Husband.'” – Jared Kushner
“ICE could really learn a lot from these guys.” – Your racist Grandpa
“You said there would be fucking CARROT CAKE!!!”
Reminder that Santa Fe is like 6,500 feet above sea level and in the cold that air sucks if you’re not used to it.
Also, there’s nothing worth doing in SF.
Still better than Phoenix, where it’s not worth living.
Buncha hippy artist chicks. And rich old lady chicks.
They may be smelly, but…
I will look into this…
“GET. YOUR. FLU. SHOT. Right here, in the meaty portion of the thigh.”
Kinda looks like the high up back part of the thigh, but ok whatever you say doc
“What’s the term, in bird law, for killing one of your own?”
“Did we get more points? Be a lot cooler if we did. Alright alright alright.”
OBJ: my good friend, could you possibly assist me with a chiropractic adjustment?
Humphrey: why certainly old chap, what do you require?
OBJ: my vertebrae need a good crack, I’ll lie down, and you apply pressure from the front
Humphrey: like so?
OBJ: exactly. Jolly good show old boy!
Coach Marrone says that this red-neck inbred hick is still the starter. yay
-Dobbs
Minshew is shown watching the rushes from his latest movie, “A Secret Love: Teammates Cumming Together.”
But is it a catch?
Dick Stockton: “Kelce with the ‘hot potato’ back to McCoy for a big gain!”
Mark Schlereth: “I thought a ‘hot potato’ was where you take a shit on an Irish girl.”
Dick Stockton: “No, you’re thinking of a ‘Dublin Dumplin’ and I haven’t done that since 1956.”
Mark Schlereth: “Oh right…damn, the Irish are good sports!”
Dick Stockton: “Speaking of good sports, don’t forget to watch 60 Minutes tonight.”
Haven’t seen a Colt get helmet like that since the last Mr. Hands video.
“That’s my Raiders.”
-Rikki
/Tries to shoot self in head, hits own foot.
Maybe if just go like this all this fog will go away…. ewwww…I got it on my hand..
(Yaketty Sax is heard in the background.)
Historically it was Detroit getting the bailouts just before impending disaster
Something tells me Missouri Chiefs fbs we’re more concerned about yeh Detroit auto bailout, which was only half the size of the farmer handout (still growing).
https://bangordailynews.com/2019/09/30/opinion/contributors/trumps-farm-bailout-has-cost-taxpayers-more-than-double-the-auto-bailout/
Glad to see Ray Lewis is still playing for the Ravens.
The Presidents supporters just came watching a white man duck, allowing a Mexican to take out a black man.
“Life is so much harder for us Millenials. All I heard about my dad growing up was, Easy Ed.”
-C. McCaffrey
No, no, no, you help pull when spotting a sit up, not push
-ref
Trent Green uncontrollably wets himself
It is a day ending in y, after all.
When you see that .38 Special is playing the State Fair this year…
I don’t know if any of these should be changed.
Yes, their content and character are . . .
/puts sunglasses on
. . . Unimpeachable
YEEAAAAHHH!