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The Depths of Insanity Saturday

King Hippo

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, , ,

Oh, have you not been playing Football Manager 2020 with the intensity and the involuntary spasming of a prime crickhead?  PLEBIANS.

I am as terrible at this as I am GAMBLOR.  PLEASE SEND OPIATES.

Anyway, the Central European paradise that is unquestionably Belarus still rules our sportsball desert world.  You get a triple header today, headlines by my new and improved can’t lose talisman Neman Grdono (away to Shakhtar Soligork) at 8:30 EST.  Behold, and look into the mightiest chasms of death.

Next week will somehow be…even less unhinged from reality?  CAN’T WAIT!

Oh, and discuss amongst yourselves as to the fate of sport this fall.  Because FORGET SUMMER.  It ain’t happening.  College football?  Presidents have to weigh the balance of ded chill’uns (ok, young adults) and the Ice Age enveloping their athletic departments.  Shit, who wants to bet how many UNIVERSITIES AS A WHOLE go up against the wall?

Also, my cat has been missing over a week, and I hate everything and everyone in the entire goddamned world.

Enjoy your day.

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Unsurprised

I’m in love

h

ttps://giant.gfycat.com/DirectRealAssassinbug.mp4

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Unsurprised

h

ttps://giant.gfycat.com/WarpedThankfulGoral.mp4

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Unsurprised

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ballsofsteelandfury

You’re welcome

1
Unsurprised

Veep is so fucking good.

2
litre_cola

Cheeto in charge says THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE should start on time. Soooo, it isn’t going to happen. No sports til 2021 I reckon, except Belarus, beautiful, beautiful Belarus.

4
Mr. Ayo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_Jo7aOw1ls

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Anything can be a handle, if your grip is strong enough.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Related:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BgiE6iR6GWU

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Also, I’ve discovered TikTok and the new trend of significant others surprising each other naked. Good times!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

share.

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ballsofsteelandfury

https://vm.tiktok.com/tPvh1e/

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was hoping the in-laws were out there.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Some are pretty funny. The reaction is sometimes not what they expect…

2
litre_cola

Dude in that one knew what was up.

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Unsurprised

Great. I just saw another video like that and her friend’s reaction was funny.

1
scotchnaut

[pulls down pants] “Tell me more about others surprising others. That’s my fetish!”

-Edward Said

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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I had to go to the colonies to find this gif.

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ballsofsteelandfury

California 7 Elevens are wonderful. Not only are they open 24 hours so you can avoid people. Not only do they stock beer and wine. Not only can you buy milk and certain staples.

I have now found toilet paper at 2 different stores.

God Bless you, 7 Eleven! God Bless you every store!

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yeah right

I could easily survive just by walking next door to mine.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Apparently Netflix is picking up all the Studio Ghibli movies. Yes, I will be watching them all, including Ponyo. Huh? What? Fuck you!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[Balls searches] “Studio Ghibli rule 34 pornhub”

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ballsofsteelandfury

Indeed. Here are my findings:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN IIIIIIIIIIT!!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A lot of them have that weird Japanese censor pixelation that doesn’t hide…… err so I’ve heard.

1
Senor Weaselo

Apprently it just in Japan, as Senorita Weaselo was disappointed. And then got the box set.

2
Gratliff

Gonna go ahead and assume this is Disney’s fault, but weird that they’d announce it worldwide and fall through like that. Someone fucked up.

1
herodotus450

Is Scientology just a plant/scma/false flag cult perpetuated by the Mormons to distract us from their own weirdness? Don’t beleive the reports of my suicide!

3
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WE CAN HAVE BOTH CULTS!!

1
litre_cola

From my living room I can see across a parking lot to a Mormon church. On Sundays when I go out to smoke a bowl with a glass of red before football, I feel I made the right move. Those people look miserable.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They seem that way, but man can they be smug and exclusive.

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BC Dick

They probably think you look miserable, too. Don’t trust the view from the other side of the teepee.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We know old church elders damn well like it; they have free pickings.

0
yeah right

Grocery store fun today. Yes, I wore my mask and gloves. Produce section was well stocked. Potatoes, apples, oranges, bananas, mushrooms but no garlic. Meat section fully stocked. Dairy was spotty as fuck but I did find eggs! Got a bag of sugar but hell no still no yeast. Paper aisle was a desert island but I scored a bottle of anti bacterial hand soap.
All in all a fairly successful trip.

Poor girl at cashier was ready to cry, she looked so damn scared.

Another week down folks.
Stay strong and be well!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m sure we have it already, but the mask fetish stock is going to…… rise.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

When we get this behind us.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

My bad; a quick search reveals this is already a large segment.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was just reading about….. I assumed rednecks…. hassling people who are wearing masks, especially in rural areas. Sweet.

1
yeah right

Goddamn philistines.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“You spelled ‘Palestinians’ wrong.”

-Isrealis

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t have any surgical masks and haven’t even bothered to look because I’m sure they’re like paper products right now. I do have a Guy Fawkes mask though, so maybe I’ll give that a try.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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yeah right

My work handed out masks, gloves, wipes, Purell etc for us to use personally. Shit, they gave me an N95 mask. I drew a moustache on it so people would know it’s me.

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Unsurprised

These rednecks need to be killed.

1
BC Dick

And I was reading about assholes in masks getting in my goddamn kitchen and asking for it, in my opinion.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So one of the people here said liquor stores are essential, at least in part so hospitals would not have to deal with alcoholics going on withdrawals and police not having to deal with increased break-ins of such stores.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“I’ll take, ‘What is a swinger that will never be invited to my key party’ for $500, Alex.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, that’s a shame, because now his coccyx is HUGE.

2
scotchnaut

“Retweets this comment because, whatever”

-your Preesdent

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hands look big on….

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Hippo; now THIS fetish is distasteful.

3
Senor Weaselo

Kruger, no!

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King Hippo

seriously, dude. Thought we had a sighting yesterday. Walked around that neighbourhood until point of near-collapse.

BUT AT LEAST I PLAYED FOOTY MANAGER ALL NIGHT

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BC Dick

Sorry about the cat. There’s a song about that I think. Or a poem or some shit. It comes back, is the gist. Hope that happens with yours.

3
litre_cola

The cat came back the very next day.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Someone done lost their perspective.”

-Haskell Wexler

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Whaaaaaaat??”

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scotchnaut

“Not sure where you’re going with this. I just love kittens.” Russ Meyer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuQVH-Fcbm4

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Two in the bush…..”

2
scotchnaut

“One in the Obama?…”

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, the new one’s hands are too small.

1
scotchnaut

“Three in the Clinton?” This has nothing to do with you, Moose. These ex-presidents are on a roll.

1
scotchnaut

“Five in the Truman?”

1
scotchnaut

“Two into the head of the Kennedy?”

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“You got that right!”

-LBJ

1
scotchnaut

[passes the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act, etc] “Actually, I got that left!”

-LBJ

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

AHAHABABAHAHAHA

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck that lamp too.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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No, I’m good, I just don’t like that vase.

3
scotchnaut

“A Red Room without a little person? I have to give this a C-minus.”

-David Lynch

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, her vibrator is in the drawer.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

/willing to vibrate her

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good idea; if she’s that stressed out it is not working.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

When you’re “married” to Blake Shelton you gotta have some sort of release. No pun intended.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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1
Don T

a/k/a The Bill Cosby defense theory.

4
BC Dick

“I’m in young girls pants”

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herodotus450

They say there’s some chemical in women’s brains that makes them forget the pain of childbirth so they’ll have more than one kid; I posit that the same is true of alcohol and hangovers.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

HEY YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DRINK WHEN YOU’RE PREGNANT!!!!

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scotchnaut

HERODOTUS IS PREGNANT? I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I’VE TOLD HIM NOT TO HANG OUT AT FERTILITY CLINICS! HE. JUST. WON’T. LISTEN. BTW, WHY ARE WE YELLING?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

lmfao

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Relax; he just met Rex Grossman.

1
scotchnaut

AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT, STALKER?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s the only way he could get pregnant.

“Fuck it; I’m going deep.” is not just for throwing football passes.

1
scotchnaut

This Just In-

Moose is a sweet summer child.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No doubt about it; thought that was obvious.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Loving your new Avatar.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which of the three?

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scotchnaut

The middle one?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Right tittie…. RIGHT tittie.

0
Gratliff

Don’t see any better video of it yet, but here’s Delroy Lindo this morning threatening to steal a man’s soul with his eyes. Mistakes were made.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHWLfcKSBK0

2
Gratliff

That is a fucking look and a half
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theeWeeBabySeamus

If he had said it, what would have happened?

0
Gratliff

Apparently this is from a show I’ve never watched. Twitter got me again.

1
scotchnaut

Back and forth texting about COVID with my wife ended in this-

I DON’T INTENTIONALLY STALK WOMEN THAT WEAR RED BRAS! IT JUST WORKED OUT THAT WAY!

4
theeWeeBabySeamus

Gotta do what ya gotta do.

1
scotchnaut

There’s a young couple across the street from us. I was out on my deck facing their house doing a crossword when the woman went out to do some gardening. The guy happened to notice me through the living room window and stared at me for awhile. Made a point of coming out to the end of the driveway and crossing his arms. Our inside joke is that I’m a stalker.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Were binoculars or masturbation involved?

2
scotchnaut

I don’t know a thing about their sex life, perv.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Well I’ve got a spare camera and long zoom lens I can send you if you’re interested.
And how did I become the perv? You’re the stalker.

Ooooooh, that sounds like a good TV show idea.

Coming (lol) this fall it’s The Perv and The Stalker.

1
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, you need to step up your game, PAL.

1
scotchnaut

Well, you need to unlock the pod bay doors, HAL!

2
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Beat it with a malle.

1
scotchnaut

“I’m loving the ‘Beat It’ part.”

-Micheal Jackson and Kellen Winslow Jr

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This guy is going to put on a show for you next time.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Maybe he’ll be wearing the red bra next time?

4
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

As a mask to flatten the curve.

3
rockingdog

Found a funny:
“Just a little midnight snack”, I whisper, knowing full well I have no concept of what time it is, what day it is, or what the words ‘little snack’ even mean.

3
Horatio Cornblower

We had a cat disappear once for a little less than two weeks in the dead of winter. She’s outside right now in the fort I built for her.

Cats gonna do what cats gonna do.

3
rockingdog

Meow

2
litre_cola

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8:40 am seems like a good time to be drinking today.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. In my isolation process I was certain to bring all the booze to the upstairs mini-fridge. If I die Imma be drunk when I go.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d be high too if I could figure out how to grow weed decently.

2
BC Dick

Yep. Wake-up whisky is the order of the day.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Early this morning I woke up and had developed a cough and a sore throat. I haven’t had an appetite for days. No other symptoms and it might just be a cold. But to be careful I have isolated myself away from Mom or anyone else.

This shit sucks.

0
yeah right

Be well my brother. Self quarantine, rest, drink plenty of fluids and keep us posted.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

Thank you my friend. I’ll be ok. I feel fine otherwise. It’s just that mom is elderly and niece doesn’t wash her hands. Better for me to distance myself from them and not add to the risk just in case.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Good thing I got a couch, a ‘puter and a big ass teevee in the office though.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh, and the mini-fridge too. Time for a shot.

3
Don T

I hope your cat is doing well and returns soon. For distraction, “Money Heist”* on Netflix. I took a “Fuck work” day yesterday and binged in Season 3 and started the 4th. Uf. Lotta skinny shoulders, if ya get mah drift.

* It’s a non-translation of “La casa de papel”, ‘cause the first heist was at the Spanish Treasury (seasons 1 & 2). In 3 & 4, the caper is the gold in the Spanish… Mint.? And here’s Nairobi
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yeah right

May your cat come home safe and unpregnant.

6
Sharkbait

Oh man. I hope your cat is just on a week long adventure and will come home soon

6
litre_cola

Sure I will gamble on some Belarus futbol.

1
litre_cola

Could hear the toddler screaming. Edibles engage.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

Wait, which cat is missing?

2
litre_cola

I wonder if it struts now… jk, cats will come back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEtbfzMLVWU

0
scotchnaut

Here’s a wee bit o soccer for ya.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bg7whQ35sY

3
Sharkbait

Love these

1
rockingdog

LOL

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