A Bears Fan Goes to the Redacted v Packers Game and You Wouldn’t Believe What Happens Next!

I have been writing this up for a while now. This report has been written, deleted, and started from scratch daily. It is easy to get caught up in our cynical nature about what the NFL has done to us. They have lied to us about player safety. They have been inconsistent with the messages they have sent out with whom they punish and for what offense. And because of the whole paid patriotism they have made me cringe and despise the way they parade our veterans using them as marketing props while not doing anything for their plight.

Throughout the playoff game, there were mentions of groups of vets every quarter, a vet sang the National Anthem, they had the color guard out there, they had a flyover. Why, so they can get a chant of “USA” going? To make us think the NFL cares about our armed forces, or because the demographics who lap that shit up are more likely to spend $100 every year on a new jersey or $150 on a custom jersey to mock another team. This empty pageantry physically made me feel sick. And it is hard to write something that isn’t somewhat tainted by cynicism because of it. Below is the story I wanted to tell. It isn’t too exciting and had I been a better writer I proabbly could have hid my bias more, but enjoy.

P.S. Sorry not sorry for the title

Let me Start off by saying NFL games are fun. You can hang out with complete strangers, down a couple of beers and everyone is your friend. Playoffs, however, they are an entirely different beast.

Imagine you are standing at a concert your favorite band. Now every concert has “that guy” in attendance. The one who wears the shirt of the band he is seeing. I am not talking about the ones who are just enjoying the moment. No, I am talking about the ones who will violently defend their position Star Wars > Star Trek, Marvel < DC, Beatles > Rolling Stones < Beach Boys. Imagine going to a concert where everyone around you is “that guy” and that is what the Redacted / Packers game was.

Starting around 12:30 would have been earlier, but Maryland isn’t exactly known for having the best drivers. There was a car accident where a car was nearly crumpled forcing 495 into one lane. Sorry, I meant the Beltway, I sound so much like a DC Insider now! Other excellent Maryland driver moments.

1. Two cars making a U-turn in one way traffic to try and go to an exit they had already passed.
2. A car stranded in the middle of a ditch near an exit. No, not a small one. This car was sitting in the midst of this enormous hole in the ground. The kind in which you have to ask yourself what made this idiot think he could drive there?.
3. Typical day to day drivers people changing over four lanes in a single bound, etc.

We eventually get to the parking lot and start our little brunch tailgate session. Music hopping all over the place people playing “Hail to the Redacted” literally every other song. No, I am using correctly here it would be song A, “Hail to the Redacted”, Song B, “Hail to the Redacted”, etc. This goes on until the gates start to open.

From 1-2, The #Upforwhatever Party Tent opened up with “Happy hour prices” which means $6 beers. Here I ran into a Redacted fan I can only think was a bit mentally slow. He spent an hour walking around the bar talking at people. There was no actual attempt to have a conversation just speaking in statements.

1. “Man it cold there.” (The bar had the Vikings/Seahawks game on)
2. “That’s what they call the frozen tundra… that’s the frozen tundra right there.”
3. “It’s a good day for football; football will be played today!”

A couple of drinks in and we get the Redacted fan quote of the day.

“They want to change the name because they think is derogatory, but rap music is derogatory, and you don’t see people asking for all rap music to be banned.”

I hear this statement and feel “Hey asshole I am trying to cheer for your team, but you are not helping this situation.”

2:00 pm

Women of Washington pre-game party opens up. My girlfriend is a member, and I stand in line with her while she wonders if they will let her in because she is wearing her Packers gear.

“Oh, you and a guest? Well you do seem to be wearing the wrong colors for today,” says the woman checking names in a playful tone. I point out to her that the Women of Washington Redacted fans are handing out green wristbands to their pre game party.

This is not a bad deal. It is free to sign up, and the women and their guests get two free drinks, and there is an all you can eat BBQ buffet and complimentary nonalcoholic beverages.  You get to fill up on free food and drinks for a while saving yourself from spending $6 for hot dogs, $10 for a fountain drink, $12 for a kalua and hot chocolate, or 8-14 for beer. You also get to hang out and watch folks make a fool of themselves while interacting with the cheerleaders. One creep stood two feet away from them filming them while they danced to a song the DJ played. I also got to shake hands with Otis Wonsley. He is a nice guy from Meridian Ms, who played for Alcorn. (BTW, you have not lived until you have watched an Alcorn St vs. Jackson St football game). I’ll save you the Google he was a fullback with 151 career rushing yards in the NFL. But he laid a good block on a run during the Super Bowl, so everyone was kissing his ring.

4:00 pm

Making our way to the seats; not bad we had some club level seats we got for a damn steal considering standing room only was $150. This is naturally funny considering the stadium has had thousands of seats tarped off. Both Club level decks above the scoreboards on either end zone are covered in black with huge Fanduel advertisements. You know the same Fanduel site that is in a strategic alliance with Dan Snyder, oh and the same Fanduel site the Redacted’s own Pierre Garcon filed a class action lawsuit against on behalf of every NFL player for using their names and likeness in for promotion and profit.

We make it to our seats in time for the announcement of the code of conduct for fans. I sit and ponder how many other people find it ironic that at the “Redskins” game I am asked to refrain from yelling any profane or derogatory comments with the threat of being kicked out.

I honestly cannot tell if the Redacted fans are yelling “USA” or “You Like That.” The game itself was pretty exciting. Packers are sucking for the first quarter, and Kirk Cousins is looking competent. About this time, I notice two things about being at an NFL game.

1. These “die hard” Redacted fans love to sing “Hail to the Redacted” not the actual song but those words. However most of the fans don’t know the lyrics and instead the stadium sounds like John Candy trying to sing “Born in the USA.”
   
2. I prefer listening to whoever was announcing the game over sitting next to “fans.” All announcers suck to people who understand football they sound condescending and talk to us like we have no idea what is going on in the game, however, the average fan and the average person going to a football game are the people who need the announcers to spell out everything for them. I wish I had Joe Buck explaining to the fans why Deshaun Jackson didn’t score a touchdown (the ball didn’t cross the end-zone). I had to listen to drunk idiots yelling at the refs inferring they were in cahoots with the Packers on obvious calls.

Towards the end of the Second Quarter, the Packers challenged a pretty obvious call, and the fans were wondering why they even bothered to do that. The Redacted had just marched down the field and had the Packers defense on their heels, so calling a challenge was the Packers calling a time out, but to going through the review process gave the defense more time to catch their breath collect themselves than simply calling a time out.

I want to reiterate I am trying to find a reason for me, a Bears fan, to cheer for the Redacted. This task should be easy, I intensely dislike the Packers, and ye the fans here will come up short here much like they will in the second half.

The turning point came after the halftime when the Redacted got into the end zone for the last time. Three assholes decided this was the best time to get into my girlfriends face. My girlfriend was not annoying she spent most of the game just cheering for Green Bay when they did something good. Not rubbing it into anyone’s face and yet these cowards waited until she was alone while I went to get some refreshments to yell at her.

Screw you, for scaring her and worse of all screw you for making this Bears fan cheer for the Packers. The best part of the night for me was watching all these “die hard” fans give up on their team. The Redacted were playing a hell of a game and the fan base just up left. The Redacted went and started driving the ball down the field, and the fans were gone. There was no one cheering except for the Packers fans, and it was apparent that it took the wind out of the Redacted players. This team deserves a better owner and deserves a better fan base.

It was at this point I started rooting for the Redacted. I wanted them to score a touchdown just to rub it into all those “die hard” fans who left with five mins left in the game. After the game the PA wanted to thank “the best fans in the NFL.” I found this odd because all the Redacted fans had already left so were they thanking the Green Bay fans for staying?

We ended the night spending the next hour trying to get out of the parking lot. The masochist fans we were watching the game with turned on the local sports newscasters. What I learned from them was they were drinking just as much kool-aid as anyone. They think they will be able to resign both Garcon and Jackson and that Kirk Cousins will stay because he knows he belongs here. Som rational fans called in saying the Defense needed better conditioning because they were just steam-rolled midway through the 2nd quarter.

I hope they trade RGIII, and then the Houston Not Cowboys drive a dump truck full cash to Kirk Cousins doorstep either forcing the Redskins to use the Franchise tag and pay him $20 million for a year or be left without a QB. After this, season Cousins would be an idiot not to see what the free agency market would bring him.