Whither, Raiders?

EXT. EQUESTRIAN CLUB – DAYTIME 

A trio of well-dressed gentlemen sit around a patio table. Two of them – XAVIER and WINCHESTER – casually watch as several riders and horses engage in show jumping exercises, while the third – HENDRICK – is engaged in a telephone conversation, during which he says little and primarily listens. After a short while, he flips the phone closed and hands it to a valet, who has discreetly appeared and vanishes just as innocuously.

H: Well, gentlemen, the votes are in. Thirty to two, in favor.

X: [sighs, shakes his head] To think that they would expel a man from the yacht club simply for being Armenian. I won’t stand for it! Those provincial imbeciles are…

H: Oh, no, no, I must apologize for my lack of clarity. The Tevrizian matter has been tabled until after the regatta. I’m referring to the situation regarding our beloved Raiders and their domestic…troubles.

W: Ah. So then Kroenke has won the day?

H: Indeed he has. The Rams will be headed to Los Angeles.

X: Such a shame for the denizens of St. Louis.

H: So true. I’m sure we’ll be hearing their lamentations for months, or at least until some enterprising yokel in a matador costume waves a scarlet flag vigorously enough to make them think baseball season is starting. Their misery will be profound, no doubt. I’ve already been informed by my commodities broker to invest heavily in malted beverage futures.

W: But of course that is sage investment advice at any time!

H: [chortles, raises his glass] Quite so!

W: [takes a sip of his martini, raises eyebrows] Mmm! [glances at Xavier] Castrol?

X: Quaker State. In tribute to young Master Carr’s devoutness.

W: So whither Raiders?

H: That remains to be seen. The instant that ginger-headed slab of incompetence made the announcement, city leaders in Oakland were already starting to talk about revisiting the potential for a new stadium at the existing Coliseum site.

X: So Master Davis actually *gained* leverage from having his move to Los Angeles denied?

H: Well, at the moment he hasn’t actually been denied. Spanos has a full year to decide – and come to an agreement on terms for – whether he’ll accede to share the Inglewood site with Kroenke. If he declines, the option becomes Mark’s. The household staff at the Spanos villa is quite loose-lipped, however – rumors have emerged that it’s likely that the Chargers will join the Rams in Inglewood.

W: [scoffs] The household staff? You’ll really take the word of some scullery maid over that of, say, Jason Cole?

H: Lupita has a great deal of credibility on these matters. I’ve trusted her ever since she predicted Tom Coughlin’s resignation.

X: So back to the question of leverage.

H: Ah yes. If the Chargers choose to move, Mark will have emerged from the process with an extra hundred million dollars to help develop a stadium plan. And if the Chargers decline to move, then Davis will have the potential option of moving to Los Angeles, which will give him incredible leverage over the city of Oakland. I don’t believe playing second fiddle to Kroenke is what Mark would like to do, but it does give him an “out” as they say in poker parlance.

X: And the potential to move to other cities?

H: There’s San Antonio, which is apparently making sincere overtures to bring the team to Texas. While that introduces a host of complications – namely a hefty relocation fee and overcoming the opposition of Jerry Jones over what he feels would be an encroachment of his own market – it’s certainly a possibility. Similarly, Portland has been mentioned.

W: And what of local options? I’ve heard that Concord Naval Weapons Station has been decommissioned and is available for development.

X: Concord would be nice. It’s just a short jaunt from my property on Dutton Island.

H: It would. It’s well-served by both freeway and transit, and it makes the facility more accessible to the unwashed masses of Stockton, Tracy, and Sacramento. But young Master Davis has stated that he preferred a potential site in Dublin.

X: Ah, I’ve heard the tax breaks that Ireland are offering for businesses are quite enticing, and they *would* be able to maintain the temperament of their current fan base.

W: Ha! For a moment there I thought you said “temperance”.

X: Ha ha ha!  Temperance and the Irish!  [doubles over with laughter] Oh, ho ho ho!

H: I apologize, I seem to be a master of deception today – I was actually referring to Dublin, California. It’s our local equivalent of Paris, Texas. Concord and Dublin are both potential options that would keep the Raiders in the Bay Area. And there’s the prospect of sharing Levi Stadium with the 49ers, though I think very few people who see that as a realistic or desirable option.

X: Well, your prediction of the Raiders fortunes this season were spot on, what do you foresee?

H: Ah, prognostication! I’m willing to wager that the Raiders will remain in Oakland. As much of a pittance as the hundred million seems to be, it opens the door for an outside investor to bridge the remaining funding gap. I think what we’ll see is Mark Davis entering an arrangement – with Larry Ellison, perhaps – and finding the money needed for a new stadium at the existing Coliseum site. The city of Oakland will make a few concessions, and in five years the historians will dismiss this as a minor footnote.

W: One can only hope.

A waiter appears with a fresh set of martinis. The three men take glasses, and raise them.

H: Gentlemen. To the silver and black!

X: May they leave, and never come back!  Wait, no, I…

[fin]