Anyone else come to the title’s realization, and get pre-depressed?  Just me, then.  And Everton hasn’t even lost (again) yet.

We start early with Gooners and Barcodes (7:30, NBCSN).  One hopes Handsome Mikel takes out some frustrations in this one, as the visitors cosplay as murderous shieks.  FUN TIMES!

You’re going to want to run errands during the 10:00 window, but for the deranged – your options are Norwich/Wolves (NBCSN), Shite/Saints (USA, also please someone nuke this fixture from orbit), and Palace/Villa (Peacock).   BLECH.

Spotlight Dance is Brighton (again, featured) hosting Leeds (12:30, NBC).  They both need this one pretty desperately, as Trashbirds look to arrest their inevitable slump, whilst Leeds need to get out of relegation danger.  Could be worth a channel flip, at least.

Everything on Sunday is streaming, including Ragnick’s debut with Men Untied, against the monster that is Tuchel’s Chelski (11:30).  Bleeds over a bit into RedZone, which is a terrible thing.

Of course, lots of JV action:

Theeeee Ohio State (-7) at Michigan (Noon, Fox)

Ah yes, the mega hype game that will be 24-zip tOSU after one quarter.  Harbs the Lesser will make lots of constipation faces, though.

Wake Forest (-4.5) at Boston College (Noon, ESPN2)

Wake Forest is in the title match with a win.  I will care greatly about this if State doesn’t disappoint me Friday night (SPOILER ALERT – they always do).  JV Massholes are already bowl-eligible, so I doubt they’ll care much.  But you never know.

Florida State (+3) at Florida (Noon, ESPN)

One of these horrifyingly bad teams will still end up in a bowl game.  I don’t recall the last time they ever played with .500 on the line.  Strange days, indeed.

UT-San Antonio (-10) at North Texas (2:00, ESPN+)

Beep Beep! for our recovering imaginary pal VLTR (who is welcome to borrow my Plus login if he needs it), whose crew tries to finish 12-0.  That’s damned hard to do at the D-1A level.  We likes our Texan pal so much, he even gets the banner pic!

Alabama (-20.5) at Auburn (3:30, CBS)

Look, War Damn Eagle isn’t much this season.  But a 3-score dog at home, to a very vulnerable Roll Damn Tide – with hatred-fueled pride on the line?  Heck, I wouldn’t be shocked with an outright upset.

Oregon State (+7) at Oregon (3:30, ESPN)

I am quite annoyed this game isn’t at night (maybe a 9:00 EST kickoff?), and that it isn’t in Corvallis.  Eugene is a dump, by the way.  Expect Niiiiiiiiccccceeee Beaver to hang around, at least.  Civil War is 100% my favoUrite Derby name.

Paedo State (-2) at Michigan State (3:30, ABC)

Fun game, but with fuckall on the line.  We will see who shows up.  Please be Sparty.

Wisconsin (-7) at Minnesota (4:00, Fox)

Paul Bunyan’s axe!  Would be fun if the winners got to rampage/pillage with it.  Some switch flipped for Bucky Badger after that horrid 2nd half against Notre Dame.  They could win the right to be ass blasted by tOSU next week!  WHAT MOTIVATION!!

Enjoy these, because the night slate underwhelms (to put it nicely).