Good morning, fellow inmates of the imaginary asylum!

We come back from a week off for the Prem, and there’s ONE match.  And it’s Burnley/Watford (1p, Peacock).  BLECH.

But lo, we have a shit ton of FA Cup ties.  The patented magic started last night, with Boro taking out Men Untied, after 9 rounds of pennos at Old Trafford.  Will Wakey Arrive to React Reasonably?  Cristiano Ronaldo has just broken this team.  Ragnick has made no impact over Disappointed Dad OGS.  I napped through the first 105′, but he missed a first half pen and lazily squandered a decent chance late in Extra Time.

West Ham at Kiddeminster (7:30, ESPN+)

I don’t feel quite brave enough to wager it, but I do sense an upset in the making.

Plymouth Argyle at Chelsea (7:30, ESPN+)

I have no idea why the visitors are named after old man socks.  But I do know that Thomas Tuchel is angry, and I wouldn’t want to be facing said wrath.

Brentford at Everton (10:00, ESPN+)

Handsome Frank Lampard’s debut for Everton, both his deadline day additions Cup-tied and only reasonable striker DCL is out injured.  WELCOME TO EVERTON, friend-o!

Fulham at Man City (10:00, ESPN+)

Do you believe in miracles?  Where is 1980 Al Michaels when you need him??

Luton Town at Cambridge (12:30, ESPN+)

This sounds like a university quiz bowl showdown, not a footy contest with a Sweet Sixteen berth at stake.  But it’s the only match of the window.

Brighton at Spurs (15:00, ESPN+)

Last fixture of the Saturday slate, and there could/should be goals in this.  Especially if Spurs rest Hugo Lloris.  Up the Trashbirds!

Talk amongst yourselves, somehow I will find sommet to pratter on about for the nighttime thread.