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Death of All Hope Saturday Night Thread

King Hippo

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Dear sweet heavenly Jeebus, all the results went against me today.  I even told Litre to bet the house on Saints at the half…and forgot to follow my own advice.  So, I am tilted in addition to the rage.

Six MOAR months until we get so much as pre-season exhibitions.  How is one to survive this??

You may hate college hoopsball less than Hippo does at present.  If so, I’d recommend Kansas away to West By God Virginia (8:00, ESPN).  It’s only Rock Chalk -5, which is mad respek for the mojo King of Track Suits has against fuckweasel Bill Self.

But really, I’d just recommend a nap that turns into “13 hours of (non)beauty rest.”  Repeat until it’s August again.

Have I mentioned previously?  I very much doubt there will be a 2022 baseball season.  As much as I hate the evil of Ginger Hammer and NFL ownership…they don’t hold a candle to the MLB “leadership” cabal.  They want to break what is already the weakest union in sportsball, and don’t care about the massive downside risk.

Here’s The Athletic’s viewer guide for the Olympics, not that I will watch that garbage:

With the time difference, each day’s live competition in China begins in prime time Eastern and runs overnight into mid-morning the following day. This is the final installment, covering events happening Saturday and Sunday in Beijing (Friday night through Sunday morning in the U.S.), including the closing ceremony.

All dates and times below are converted to Eastern time, 13 hours behind Beijing time. NBC’s main-channel curated prime-time show begins at 8 p.m. ET Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. On Friday, it will feature live freestyle skiing with the men’s halfpipe final, plus tape-delayed coverage of figure skating with the pairs short program and bobsled with the first and second runs of the two-woman event. On Saturday, it will showcase live bobsled with the final runs in the two-woman event as well as tape-delayed coverage of the pairs free skate in figure skating. On Sunday, it will air tape-delayed coverage of the closing ceremony. All events can be streamed on Peacock or at NBCOlympics.com.

Top U.S. events

Alpine skiing

What: Mixed team parallel event

When: Friday, 9-10:25 p.m. (1/8 finals, quarterfinals, semifinals); Friday, 10:28 p.m. (finals)

TV: USA and streaming

A frustrating Olympics for Mikaela Shiffrin sees her get one more shot at a medal in the mixed team parallel slalom competition. Shiffrin, who has two individual golds and a silver from the past two Winter Olympics, had three “did not finishes” and no medals in her five individual events.

Figure skating

What: Pairs free skate

When: Saturday, 6 a.m.

TV: USA and streaming

In the final event on the figure skating program, the U.S. pairs have a shot to medal. Alexa Knierim and Brandon Frazier sit in sixth place, with fellow American duo Ashley Cain-Gribble and Timothy LeDuc right behind them in seventh. They’re both just over eight points off of medal position after the short program.

Freestyle skiing

What: Men’s halfpipe final

When: Friday, 8:30 p.m.

TV: USA and streaming

Freestyle skiing wraps up with the men’s halfpipe final, featuring four Americans — Alex Ferreira, David Wise, Birk Irving and Aaron Blunck — in the field of 12. Athletes get three runs with the best score counting. Wise is the only person to ever win Olympic gold in the men’s freeski halfpipe, taking the crown in the event’s debut in 2014 and again in 2018. Ferreira took silver in Pyeongchang.

Bobsled

What: Two-woman, heats 3-4

When: Saturday, 7 and 8:30 a.m.

TV: USA (heat 3, delayed, 8:55 a.m.; heats 3 and 4, delayed, 12:45 p.m.) and streaming

Elana Meyers Taylor and Sylvia Hoffman sit in third after two runs, with fellow American duo Kaillie Humphries and Kaysha Love two spots behind that. Meyers Taylor has two silvers and a bronze in the event. Humphries won gold in 2010 and 2014 and bronze in 2018 while competing for Canada. The total time from the four heats determines the medals.

Other medal events

Bobsled

What: Four-man, heats 1-4

When: Friday, 8:30 and 10:05 p.m. (heats 1 and 2); Saturday, 8:30 and 10:20 p.m. (heats 3 and 4)

TV: NBC (heats 1-2, delayed, Friday, 11:35 p.m.; heats 3-4, live) and streaming

Cross-country skiing

What: Men’s 50km mass start freel women’s 30km mass start free

When: Saturday, 1 a.m. (men’s); Sunday, 1:30 a.m. (women’s)

TV: USA and streaming

Men’s curling

What: Gold-medal game (Great Britain vs. Sweden)

When: Saturday, 1:50 a.m.

TV: USA (delayed, 4:15 a.m.; re-air at 1:45 p.m.) and streaming

Women’s curling

What: Bronze-medal game (Switzerland vs. Sweden); gold-medal game (Japan vs. Great Britain)

When: Saturday, 7:05 a.m. (bronze); Saturday, 8:05 p.m. (gold)

TV: USA (bronze, delayed, Saturday, 5 p.m.), CNBC (gold, live) and streaming

Men’s hockey

What: Bronze-medal game (Slovakia vs. Sweden); gold-medal game (Finland vs. ROC)

When: Saturday, 8:10 a.m. (bronze); Saturday, 11:10 p.m. (gold)

TV: CNBC (bronze), USA (gold) and streaming

Speedskating

What: Men’s mass start semis and finals; women’s mass start semis and finals

When: Saturday, 2 a.m. (men’s semis); Saturday, 2:45 a.m. (women’s semis); Saturday, 3:30 a.m. (men’s final); Saturday, 4 a.m. (women’s final)

TV: USA (delayed, noon) and streaming

Closing ceremony

When: Sunday, 7 a.m.

TV: Streaming only to watch live; NBC will show tape-delayed coverage at 8 p.m.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damnit, I fell asleep instead of watching the third period. Stupid lazy Rikki!

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WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

THIS RUSSIAN TEAM, I CALL THEM CATHOLIC PARENTS, BECAUSE THEY’VE WAITED TOO LONG TO PULL OUT AND IT’S ABOUT TO COST THEM DEARLY.

3
Dunstan

Just watched The Last Duel, and man is that a baffling film. I can’t understand what the fucking point was supposed to be. I can’t say more without spoilers.

1
SonOfSpam

Saw about half of it the other night; had forgotten that until I saw your post.

And I would watch Jodie Comer read War and Peace.

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Horatio Cornblower

The point is that there are two sides to every story, and neither of them is the woman’s.

Surprised Scorsese didn’t direct it.

2
Dunstan

Yes, but I’m not sure that the wife’s story differed appreciatively except in the sense that “medieval France did not have very enlightened attitudes towards women.” Which I really didn’t need a 2.5 hour film to tell me.

(And yes, that’s not to say that 21st century America does great either, but I’m not sure this gives us any real insight into that.)

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Horatio Cornblower

Welp, there goes Kiev.

1
Redshirt

I’ve laughed more in two minutes of Benny Hill than I have in all today’s comedies I’ve seen in the past two years.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Me too!

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WCS

DERP DERP DERP HERPY DERP (INSERT STAR WARS JOKE HERE) DERP DERP HERP (LAUGHT TRACK)

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EMMY WINNER

4
Dunstan

BAZINGA!

3
WCS

(LAUGH TRACK)

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Horatio Cornblower

Jesus, I thought Diggins was dead for a minute.

0
Redshirt

We shouldn’t worry too much about the score in the Finland-ROC game. If there is anything we’ve learned after this Sunday, if a game is not matching the narrative, the referees will be glad to step in and help out.

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ballsofsteelandfury

In about 15 minutes, a channel called Antenna will begin airing Benny Hill reruns.

You have been given appropriate notice.

1
Redshirt

(quickly checks channels)

Damn it! This is somehow Ukraine’s fault. Someone should invade them and teach them a lesson.

1
Redshirt

Uh, Admins? I think Russia’s bots are attacking the Clubhouse!

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ballsofsteelandfury

I saw it on my digital antenna.

1
Brick Meathook

What channel number is that? Hi

0
ballsofsteelandfury

5.2

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WCS

/Eastern Europe’s butthole puckers

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Horatio Cornblower

THAT GOAL I CALL IT SIMO HAYHA, BECAUSE A FINNISH SNIPER HAS FRUSTRATED AN OVERPOWERING RUSSIAN FORCE!!!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Ukrainian assholes are clenching!

0
yeah right

Oh there clenched already.

1
Redshirt

If I’m a Ukrainian in a position of power, I’m pulling a Ted Cruz, putting on a fake beard and getting my дупа to Cancun while I still can.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Spanish figure skating pair just came out in leotards and did a routine to “Maniac”.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Kings of Leon win with a goal in the last minute!

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Horatio Cornblower

US currently fighting for silver is women’s 30K XC-skiing, which is insanely hard stuff to do.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Are you watching it delayed?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sort of. He started thinking about baseball after he tuned in.

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Horatio Cornblower

It’s on NBC, and come to think of it doesn’t say ‘live’, so probably

I suspect Diggins will take the silver, because unless a bear attacks her the woman in 3rd won’t catch her, and unless a bear attacks the woman in first, Diggins isn’t catching her.

You know what would make XC ski races more exciting?

Bears.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or beers.

1
SonOfSpam

Staying up late to watch XC skiing DOES seem tough. Hang in there!

2
Redshirt

I’m rewatching “Con Air” and after further review, I’m noticing several flaws by the guards.

1.) A fire suddenly appears (which should raise red flags right there!), and they don’t have someone guard the prisoners they are unshackling. True, a fire in a plane is serious business but so is leaving at least one felon prisoner unguarded.

2.) They open the middle gate but don’t relock it. My job’s security doors sound an alarm if it detects a briefcase going behind someone or if a door isn’t held open for longer than three seconds. My job has better security than that prison transport. True at that point, the guards back there will probably be killed, but you still have the plane.

3.) The pilots open the cockpit door to check it out the disturbance. What we’re they planning to do that the half a dozen guards aren’t capable of doing? Under Siege 3: This Time’s the Cook is a Pilot?! Like 2, at that point all the guards back there will probably be killed, but they still don’t control the plane. There is a chance the guards may have keys to the cockpit (not sure why they would need it, unless both the pilot and co-pilot both had the fish for dinner), but if the prisoners are trying to open the door, the pilots can easily go into a nose dive or a rapid ascent to discombobulate them.

4.) How do the pilots and the control tower not have a Duress Code. My old job had a Duress Code and it was a freaking warehouse that held cardboard boxes and packaging material. This plane has a bunch of felons from a Maximum Security Prison with nothing to lose and they haven’t thought of a scenario of a plane of highly dangerous felons capturing the plane? (Actually in the movie they didn’t, which should mean John Cusack’s character would be fired by the time the end credits have reached the Second Unit.) Someone like in Star Trek: “Condition Green. All’s well.” Those words sound good, but what it really means is “We’ve been taken hostage. Don’t trust anything anyone says down here.”

On the other hand:
Cyrus the Virus’s only hope for his master plan succeeding was for the pilots to open the cockpit door after unlocking the gun. Even if he does open the door, he doesn’t have the combination to the lockbox holding the gun. Before he got the gun, the guards had his two prisoners secured and was most likely about to rush Cyrus. Without the gun, those guards are tasering Cyrus’s ass, and there is a decent chance the head guard may “accidently” throw him out the back of the plane for killing at least one of his men.

tl;dr I miss sports. I really, really do.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t understand why you’re not watching hockey.

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Horatio Cornblower

Because figuring out how Russia is allowed to compete is even more complicated than figuring out all the plot holes in a Nicholas Cage movie.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, that’s easy!

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Because the Dr. Mrs. wants to watch the skating gala.

Oh, you meant him. Yeah, I don’t know why either.

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Redshirt

Because USA is further down on YouTubeTV’s Channel Guide. This will most likely be part of Article VII in Putin’s Declaration of War.

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SonOfSpam

You have invested for more consideration into the Con Air plot than the Con Air writers ever did.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

the pilots can easily go into a nose dive or a rapid ascent to discombobulate them.

Wouldn’t the pilots also have the option of fucking with the air pressure in the main cabin, and just starving everyone of oxygen until they chill the fuck out? I thought I remember that from a Stephen King story.

1
Redshirt

Maybe, but nothing says “Stop it” like falling towards the back of the plane like a cartoon character as the plane rapidly approaches its ceiling in a matter of seconds at a degree higher than 45.

1
BugEyedBoo

Your action movie situation is pretty fucking dire if you’re reduced to watching Con Air. Go hunt up Under Siege 1 & 2. Die Hard with a Vengeance. Or even Live Free or Die Hard.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS, UH, GUY TIMOTHY LEDUC I CALL HIM A QUANTUM COMPUTING WEBSERVER GETTING PINGED BECAUSE HE IDENTIFIES AS NON-BINARY.

Last edited 4 years ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
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BugEyedBoo

I asked my wife about that. “He’s non-binary? Not much doubt he’s a guy with that beard and all.” “Shut up,” she explained.

3
WCS

Hey, @Hippo

What’s the Vegas line on Putin launching his invasion of Ukraine if the ROC loses this game?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Ukraine breathes a sigh of relief.

/ gets invaded anyway

1
litre_cola

Same as Shaktjar winning the lge.

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SonOfSpam

Same as if they lose.

1
Redshirt

Wouldn’t be the weakest “casus belli” in the history of warfare.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

GOLD MEDAL HOCKEY!

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SonOfSpam

Rooting against Russia? Sure.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Remember Slava Voynov, who won two Cups with the Kings and then got kicked out of the league for some sketchy shit having to do with his wife?

He’s on this ROC team.

Last edited 4 years ago by ballsofsteelandfury
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SonOfSpam

That figures. He seemed to be a real piece of дерьмо

2
litre_cola

Deci asleep. Deep in the wine, and now weed. Paranoia is that he will wake. Give me some tune recs

3
WCS

Cannibal Corpse

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litre_cola

So early 90s me.

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BugEyedBoo

Pink Floyd, “Echoes”. Go get your headphones and zone right out.

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SonOfSpam

Cat’s in the Cradle, since your parenting is on point.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=du4JbfK5okA

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. I’m exhausted.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Has the dunk competition always been this boring?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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SonOfSpam

Agree with you. Ain’t no Vince Carter walking through that door.

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yeah right

As we’re eating and drinking and making merriment I had to stop in my tracks.

I had just met my daughter’s new boyfriend and cooked dinner for him and the first thing I cooked was fried chicken.

Did I mention that I had no idea who she was bringing?

…

You can probably guess the rest of the story.

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SonOfSpam

Did he at least enjoy your watermelon martinis?

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ballsofsteelandfury

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m not laughing at you I’m laughing…no, no, I am in fact laughing at you.

Pointing, too.

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yeah right

/ puts on “I earned that” cap.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Guess which DFO favourite just won gold?

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Horatio Cornblower

Gumbygirl?

Can we tell anyone?

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litre_cola

Only her fave

3
yeah right

We had a wonderful time. Food was perfect and I got a Sous vide for Christmas! Fuck off!
I’m gonna sous vide the shit out of stuff for Sunday Gravy!

Premiering tomorrow.

/ drinks

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I used my sous vide stick tonight! Cooked some sirloin for the burritos.

4
ArmedandHammered

Been a good day, wife is on business trip, Indian buffet was rocking, reading alot, boy stayed sober, and i ate an entire box of thin mints AND one of Samoas. Oh yeah, and the edibles are helping. I should be able to be more active on the site soon.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Excellent!

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Horatio Cornblower

Great news A&H.

1
yeah right

Anyway, a couple of days ago I sent the kiddo a text just to confirm she’s going to make. She says yes but “Can I bring a +1?”

Of course, I reply since I love hosting and hadn’t had a chance in a couple of years.

She replies “Awesome. What are you cooking?”

I told her that I’m making oven fried chicken as seen on last season’s Sunday Gravy. I know she’ll dig it because it’s fucking delicious and it’s right up hef alley. At no time did I ask who the “+1” was. She’s got a couple of really close female friends and she hasn’t dated in a few years being a single mom and buddy as fuck with her job and all.

She arrives with her new boyfriend.

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ArmedandHammered

Was told by my son that my daughter and her boyfriend are looking at places and I have yet to meet the guy! I hope he was great company.

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yeah right

He was. Truly.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Do you approve?

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yeah right

Absolutely he was super nice. Incredibly bright and funny, just a terrific guy. Big thumbs up.

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Is this Mass Start like Daytona where we’re just waiting for The Big One?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

We did get about three wipeouts, so the Daytona comparison was good, though no Big One.

0
Horatio Cornblower

That was the biggest let down I’ve ever had watching sports. They should let them pass from the start. I want chaos!

1
Brick Meathook

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ArmedandHammered

The planes that revenged Pearl Harbor by sending Yamamoto to Hell.

1
BugEyedBoo

Nothing cooler than the P-38.

0
yeah right

Ok. So today I finally got a chance to have Christmas with youngest right and littlest right. The little one is in school now so positive cases are the norm. I told my daughter a week ago that I’ll cook dinner if she can drive up from San Diego.

Hang on, I need another drink.

5
yeah right

Holy shit, people. As much as I love to cook it sure is nice when somebody else does the dishes.

I’m gonna chill with a glass of wine for a minute then I’ve got a real story to talk about tonight.

/ tilts the head back and finishes the cup.

Last edited 4 years ago by yeah right
3
Mr. Ayo

Austria loses!

But wins Gold on a tie break!

Totally cool and rational sport you got there.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

The rules make sense once I figured them out. It’s essentially the two best times win.

0
Mr. Ayo

It’s a team event! But half the team doesn’t matter!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Well, the loser half doesn’t. 🤣😂

1
Horatio Cornblower

Still don’t understand how the US lost bronze to Norway when all US skiers finished and only 3 Norwegians did.

0
scotchnaut

“Great Britain vs Japan in the women’s curling final epitomizes everything that is wrong with sports these days.”

-Fox News Sports reporter

0
ballsofsteelandfury

The fact that I can’t find that match anywhere on TV epitomises everything that is wrong with NBC.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Are these parallel ski races new? I’m digging this!

0
BugEyedBoo

Not as cool as that mass start speed skating.

2
Gumbygirl

That’s a total jailbreak! I love it.

1
Dunstan

Starting the evening with a cocktail (Corpse Reviver No. 2)

Later it will be some rose to go with grilled mackerel, green lentils, and a cucumber-tomato salad.

4
yeah right

Sounds delightful.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I made burritos and had a coke. It sounds pedestrian but it was wonderful.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Mexican Coke, I hope.

1
Brick Meathook

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yeah right

Is that a Super Chief?

Great photo.

0
Mr. Ayo

The Mummy actor is a figure skater now?!?

0
litre_cola

As mentioned on the bird app. My sons fave tune since a baby was about doing blow in Scotland.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At3xXBEy4n4

1
Horatio Cornblower

Polish skier just had his opponent ski off course in Alpine team racing, and still somehow managed not to do enough to have his team advance, which I guess explains all the screen doors on those submarines.

3
ballsofsteelandfury

I think I’m the only one here that has enjoyed the Olympics. The NBC TV coverage is shit, of course, but all the events have been great. I love the Winter Olympics!

2
scotchnaut

Gotta agree. I love almost any international competition, no matter the sport. I think we North Americans are way too insular as far as sporto events are concerned and how we assess them.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Not the only one. If it slides on ice I’ll watch it. Stayed up til 3:30 this morning watching the men’s 50K.

That said, free Tibet.

4
litre_cola

I’ll take it!

1
Gumbygirl

I love them too, but this is the first one in as long as I can remember (1964!) that I didn’t really watch the women’s singles figure skating. Fuck you, cheaters!

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wouldn’t say I haven’t enjoyed them…but it’s been extremely easy to forget they were happening.

0
Gumbygirl

Somebody make me empty my car and put the shit away, then drive me back to Riverside. I am gonna hurl my fat ass in the hot tub, believe me when I tell ya. I’m so sick of this, and I’m not actually moving my stuff in until tomorrow. FUCK!!!

2
scotchnaut

I’m in my mid-50’s and we’re in our* last house. I’ve told my wife that if, for any reason, she feels the need to move again I’ll be divorcing her. That’s how strongly I feel about this and it’s not a silly little threat. I’m done. I’ve worked too much/hard to get this house built and this is where I’m going to die.

*my, tbh

Last edited 4 years ago by scotchnaut
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SonOfSpam

I feel the same (about my house; I will hopefully not die in your house).

4
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s what the gypsy woman said!!

2
Horatio Cornblower

If you’re not a hobo you’re probably safe

3
litre_cola

Moving in a month and can’t wait. (The weekend prior I am in Toronto for futbol, this has been frowned upon)

2
rockingdog

Found a funny;

Her: Do you even know what a Clitoris is?

Me: Look I never played Pokémon but I’m willing to learn.

7
Horatio Cornblower

Men! Oh men! I have spent the day attending a huge UConn men’s basketball victory over Xavier, drinking beer, going to the best pizza place in Tolland County (Camille’s), drinking beer, getting the best ice cream (banana chocolate chip) from the best ice cream purveyor I am aware of (UConn Dairy Bar), drinking beer, and am now about to spend the rest of the evening playing video games, drinking beer, eating fried chicken, drinking beer, saying horrible things on the internet, and drinking beer.

All in all, it’s been a good day

9
rockingdog

That’s Rocking!

1
litre_cola

This is the dog who would know.

0
SonOfSpam

Sounds like you didn’t have to use your AK.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Yet

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait, you’re just going to fold it? Sheesh, and I thought *I* mucked a lot of hands.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Actually went out on suited AJ last night. I don’t think I ever saw AK.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Suited AJ, huh?

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Horatio Cornblower

Ended about as well for me.

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