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"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

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It’s Monday Night! Let’s Do This Thing!

yeah right

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Welcome folks! It is I, resident Food Dude and your humble narrator yeah right. Our regular host Scotchy was unable to attend this evening. Simple matter of being quite busy with “holiday stuff.” Oh yeah, does anyone know the best way to clean up pancreatic fluid? Just curious.

Anyway.

How have the holidays been treating all of you? Good? It’s been great here. Lots of family and some legit kickass food.

I won’t talk about the weather (it was 77 degrees yesterday, really, parts of the valley hit the mid 80’s) because that would be cruel and I know we’ve got some cold ass motherfuckers out there. Stay warm. Come inside and have a tasty beverage.

That banner image was my Christmas present from Eldest Right. Think she knows the old man well? Hit the nail on both heads.

To the game!

Tonight we’ve got the Chargers visiting the hapless Humps in Indy. Chargers are -3.5 favorites and the O/U is 44.5. I like the Chargers in this one although we all know the previous narrative which dictates that this is exactly the type of game the Chargers would lose in the past. Standard dick-steppery I believe is the term.

Here’s a fun fact! The Chargers are BY FAR the NFL team I’ve seen play the most live. It’s true. Back in the day when I lived in San Diego, the Chargers were so fucking shitty that you could walk up to the ticket office day of game and choose your seats in whatever section you wanted and pay face value. We would go just for the fuck of it. Of course now since they followed my ass up to LA they’re still the closest team to me, Fuckers.

Gather round the old TV folks. Time for a round of drinks and some commenting. Tell us about your day. Tell us about the holidays.

Just go ahead and tell us.

Take it away folks.

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Doktor Zymm

You know how smell is the sense most associated with memory? Well, pouring this gin has just given me some very pleasant college flashbacks! The drink I made sucks though, too bad I don’t have any tonic or fresh lime

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Horatio Cornblower

Oh, since I’ve been out drinking since early this evening and only just got back, (I’m off through Wednesday), this might be a point of interest to certain members of the commentariat who were in Baltimore back in July.

I thought that the Premier league started next week. I’m watching ESPN before heading out and I see that Arsenal is down 1-0. I have not put a certain flag out since the break for the YAY SLAVERY WORLD CUP break. I retrieve the flag and put it up. Arsenal proceeds to score three goals and win 3-1.

Now, did Arsenal win because I obtained that flag through nefarious means and have had it flying for every game except the one they lost? Am I the reason Arsenal is in first place and having an insanely good season? Or is it all just a coincidence and Arsenal is doing this because of their talent and tactics?

Look, this isn’t for me to say, except that it’s totally me and that flag.

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Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

I continue to regret missing the Ballitchmore gathering

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Horatio Cornblower

So many rats!

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Doktor Zymm

The rats there carry Hanta virus!

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Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

What a great photo of a random street scene in Baltimore!

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Doktor Zymm

I think we need more data. You should come to the KC DFOcon and steal and fly ANOTHER flag

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Doktor Zymm

*Looks at “off through Wednesday” and appreciates being funemployed even more*

Seriously considering moving most of my stuff back to Chicago and leading a semi-homeless lifestyle to avoid working for as long as possible

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Horatio Cornblower

My brother is dating a woman who’s children are friends with a very good, (also large), D-1 football player. He just entered the portal and is at their house, watching football and getting tons of texts from coaches trying to get him to come to their program.

I’ve offered him $40 and a 4-pack of beer, (to be downgraded to a 3-pack if he doesn’t answer quickly), to join the Fightin’ Horatios.

This recruiting stuff is tough!

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Doktor Zymm

But what if he prefers liquor? You should include an option

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Horatio Cornblower

I am willing to negotiate, but he has to meet me halfway. Or at all.

He’d be out of his fucking mind to go to UConn; he has far better options.

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Doktor Zymm

Kids that age tend to make poor decisions, so you have a chance!

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Doktor Zymm

Still pissed teleportation or at least affordable high speed flying cars haven’t been invented yet

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2Pack

The Jettsons called the video phone spot on 50 years ago. So where TF are our flying cars? Industry? We’re waiting…

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Doktor Zymm

They keep wasting their time with self-driving cars. Flying >>> Self-driving. Yet another area where Elon Musk has failed!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE THINGS FLYING CARS I CALL THEM “FETCH” BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

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Doktor Zymm

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2Pack

Polished off the leftover lasagne today also. Some say it’s better after the reheat. Can’t argue with that.

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Brick Meathook

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Doktor Zymm

Neither Deep Throat?

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2Pack

Forgot disco

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m currently in the doghouse with the Dr. Mrs. because I *insisted* on driving home from San Francisco today instead of waiting until tomorrow, when there is snow forecast for the Grapevine and rain for everywhere else.

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Doktor Zymm

Clearly you shouldn’t have driven home, but come visit me in Fremont instead!

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Horatio Cornblower

Buy her a(nother) Roomba.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Actually, proposing the purchase of a replacement vacuum as a Christmas present for her also got me in the doghouse.

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Doktor Zymm

At least the doghouse has a nice clean floor!

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Brocky

Another post from: funny looking dogs that aren’t mine

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Anyone else have shitty Xmas music stuck in their heads?

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King Hippo

Really hate how bad Jim Irsay is making us “pill friendly” folks look

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Doktor Zymm

Only an idiot would attribute Irsay’s assholeness to pills

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Brocky

Your words to WCS’s ears

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Brick Meathook

I TOO ENJOY PILLS, YEA VERILY. AMEN.

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Doktor Zymm

This Cabernet is delicious, both by itself and with this french onion soup. Dinner, it’s much better than both these teams!

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King Hippo

I’d say the same for my dinner, and it was just microwaved leftovers.

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Doktor Zymm

Yeah, it is NAWT a high bar

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The Maestro

“Oh shit. Looks like Samuel caught it. Again. Oh well. It still felt fucking great to throw that shit. Tell me that wasn’t one of the prettiest passes you ever saw. You know what? Not only am I gonna throw it long the next time we hit the field. I’m gonna throw it even longer. Harder. You see that kid in wheelchair sitting in the end zone bleachers? I’m gonna nail him right between the fucking eyes with a Big Dick Nick fastball. Why? Because I can.”

Last edited 3 years ago by The Maestro
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Doktor Zymm

He’s got a ring, he can play for himself all he wants and teams will still hire him

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Brocky

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Brocky

I totally didn’t think of a certain commentator after seeing this gif

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Doktor Zymm

Calling out QBs for throwing suicide balls is possibly the most sensible thing I’ve heard from this announcing team

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Doktor Zymm

Maybe tell his teammates that a helmet bump is not the appropriate way to interact with a teammate that just got ejected and partially concussed for an egregious helmet-to-helmet hit

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Redshirt

Attempted Murder, Defense, 15 yard penalty, First Down!

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Mr. Ayo

THIS DERWIN JAMES, I CALL HIM A KAMIKAZE PILOT BECAUSE HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF AND HIS OPPONENT ON THAT STRIKE

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Doktor Zymm

Apparently towards the end of the war the list of kamikaze volunteers was so long that guys started signing up so they could use their status to pick up ladies, knowing they would never have to actually go

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Redshirt

Ah, a Reverse Die-And-Get-72-Virgins Gambit. Nice.

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Mr. Ayo

Just dudes being dudes

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Doktor Zymm

How many brain cells need to die before it’s impossible to get another concussion? I think that’s the Dolphin’s strategy with Tua

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Redshirt

(calls Disney+ about Made For Stream Movie involving High School QB who dies and comes back as a zombie)

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Brocky

Not my dog, just a funny image

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Doktor Zymm

Fun fact, the breed evolved that way so the wind will carry the dog to new areas and expand its breeding territory

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Brocky

My aunt has a Maltese. It has the distinction of being the only dog my shih tzu has met that it was bigger than.

It barked at my dog and made it run away. My dog is a wuss

Last edited 3 years ago by Brocky
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Fronkenshteen

Van Der Gruuf Generator

I’ll see myself out.

Last edited 3 years ago by Fronkenshteen
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Doktor Zymm

Anyone know what the record is for most turnovers in a weekend? We’re gonna break it this weekend, either through football turnovers, or through Andy Reid competing in an empanada eating contest

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SonOfSpam

“I’ve eaten 73 in one weekend.”

-A. Reid

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Mr. Ayo

Pickerception Bugaloo: The Pickering

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Everyone gets an interception

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Mr. Ayo

The Pickerceptions will continue until moral improves

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Lol. Love that quote.
Off to google most pickerceptions in a game

Update:
It’s 8 by one QB back in 1950

Last edited 3 years ago by BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup
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Mr. Ayo

Damn, Peterman had a real shot at that one.

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Doktor Zymm

The only way that knife set could be better would be to include a battle ax, you know, for chopping herbs and such

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Brocky

Just keep that stuff away from Justin’s lungs

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SonOfSpam

Oh yeah, does anyone know the best way to clean up pancreatic fluid? Just curious.

Just use the diaper (assuming the victim is a baby and why wouldn’t it be since they’re not likely to put up much of defense)

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Better than cleaning up meconium

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litre_cola

Some things you can’t unsee bro.

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