When I was growing up there was a long period of time when both of my parents worked. Yes, this was the era of the stay home housewife so it was a little unusual. I commend my mom for serving a hot dinner every night of the week, including work nights but we did our share of frozen dinners, casseroles that involved opening a bunch of cans and throwing shit together into a baking dish and hamburger helper type things. Ma had a quickie that involved a box of the orange mac & cheese (yes, Kraft has been making this shit for fucking eons now) cooked and then mixed with some ground beef and maybe a side of a canned vegetable. We also had a loaf of white bread and a plate of butter to round out the edges. I was the youngest of four boys born in successive years and I may have mentioned that we were basically fucking livestock during our high school years. Big boys.

Ma also served homemade sweet tea for dinner every night and the entire family, except me since I was a little pain in the ass, drank it. I drank milk because I was just so fucking special. My older brothers hated me then. One thing our family did was to sit down together, the entire group, and have dinner together. Every night. Ma did her Sunday dinners of something elaborate but during the week short cut dinners were the norm. Ever have “beanie-weenie casserole?” That’s a can of pork and beans with some chopped up hot dogs, covered with “parmesan” (ha!) cheese from the big green cardboard can. Yep Kraft again. Throw this in the oven for about a half hour and serve. Ma was the casserole queen! There were hot dogs wrapped in Pillsbury crescent rolls with a slice of “KRAFT” american cheese food in the middle and baked until done. These motherfuckers are actually still pretty damn tasty but I just don’t do them anymore. On and on. Not easy feeding 6 after working all day.

One of the frozen food items that I really liked back then was frozen chicken cordon bleu. My mother and I were both big fans. It looked something like this:

Who doesn’t like a chicken breast wrapped in batter with a hot center of ham and melty Swiss cheese? Melty may not be the correct word, this shit was molten goddamn lava if you bit into it too soon. I was thinking about this dish when I hadn’t figured out what to make for dinner and I said “Fuck it! I can make this myself.” It really wasn’t that much of a challenge, apart from pounding flat the goddamn fucking chicken breast. That is a COLOSSAL pain in the ass. I flatten chicken breast when I make Chicken Parmesan – recipe to come eventually – and it’s always just a fucking mess. It’s like creating your very own little e-coli factory what with chicken bits flying around and shit. Apart from that it was fairly simple and most importantly it was goddamn delicious.

Yay me!

Chicken Cordon Bleu:

1 boneless skinless chicken breast per person – maybe one extra for the cook

1 slice of deli ham per person. I used black forest ham for the salt content.

2 slices of Swiss cheese per person.

2 eggs, scrambled with a splash of milk thrown in.

1 cup of panko bread crumbs.

Grated parmesan cheese (optional)

Salt and freshly ground black pepper.

1 pat of butter for each person.

Guess we better get to the chicken flattening thing. I use my wooden cutting board covered with a sheet of plastic wrap. Put the chicken breast (one at a time of course) on the wrap, cover with another layer of plastic wrap. Now here is where you have to be resourceful. Get a big ass heavy pan, I used my heavy as fuck cast iron skillet, and just pound the bejesus out of that chicken. It takes several good whacks to flatten. I dislike doing this so much that I asked my butcher if they could do it for me. The short answer was “No.” They had the meat mallet with the spikes on it and that would just turn the chicken into ground chicken. You can try using the side of the meat mallet, the flat part and this can work too.

Once you’ve flattened the chicken, season both sides with salt and pepper. Take your two slices of swiss cheese and place in the center of the pounded chicken. Now add the slice of ham. Using a sheet of plastic wrap, roll the entire thing up as tight as you can. Let the stuffed chicken rest in the refrigerator for an hour or so so that it mournfully accepts it’s new shape.

Remove from refrigerator and let come to room temperature.

Heat oven to 350.

Quick informational aside! Cordon Bleu actually means “blue ribbon” in French. It’s a typical French award given to the very best chefs, kind of equivalent to our modern day “Michelin Star.” Despite the fancy pants name this is not a French dish. It’s actually Swiss in origin. The Swiss prepare theirs by using schnitzel, typically veal or pork and then filling with ham and cheese before the battering and then they deep fry it. Earliest known mention of this dish was in the 1940’s.

Back to the recipe!

Unwrap the chicken. Next we’re going to bread these by dipping in the egg mixture followed by dipping into the panko breadcrumbs. The optional parmesan cheese can be added to the breadcrumbs and mixed together. Use a toothpick at each end to seal in the cheese. Place on a greased baking sheet and bake in the 350 oven for 45 minutes rotating the dish 180 degrees about half way through the cooking time. After 45 minutes put a pat of butter on the top of each piece of Cordon Bleu and cook for a couple of minutes until butter melts. Let rest for 5 minutes and serve.

Some people add a sauce to the top but I don’t find that necessary. One reviewer said she used a can of cream of chicken soup mixed with some heavy cream. Jesus. It was probably Paula Dean. If you want a sauce just whip up a quick bechamel and maybe throw in some grated swiss cheese to enhance. We’ve covered bechamel before but it’s just a roux of equal parts flour and butter (1 tablespoon of each should work) melt and mix add in a cup or so of heavy cream or half and half stirring to combine. Bring to a simmer and add in some salt pepper and the swiss cheese.

Look! Cheese sauce!

I didn’t make cheese sauce. During the imagination stage of preparing this meal I was trying to think up a good side dish. Potatoes would be a little heavy. Maybe serve over rice? That should be OK. Then I realized this would probably be best served with noodles. But what kind? I wanted something with some decent depth of flavor since the cordon bleu, while freaking delicious, is fairly mild in taste. Then it came to me. Let’s fuck with two countries in the same meal!

Switching countries now, I had some left over ziti noodles in my cupboard from my Baked Ziti post a few weeks back and I needed to come up with something besides just serving them with some butter. Then I remembered a classic Italian preparation that would really tie this whole thing together!

The Italians have a recipe that is super minimalist, just  4 ingredients. You cook your pasta, retain a cup of pasta water, then melt some butter, toss in a teaspoon of FRESHLY GROUND BLACK PEPPER and toast for a couple of minutes, add in the cooked pasta, some of the pasta water and a cup of FRESHLY GRATED PARMESAN and combine.

Now class, does anyone know what this preparation is called?

Yes, you in the back, Doktor Zymm.

“That looks like Casio Y Pepe with ziti noodles. You know you’re supposed to use spaghetti noodles don’t you?”

I do realize this but I had leftover ziti noodles in the cupboard. It’s OK to use something you already have on hand to avoid spending too much at the grocery store, but you are exactly right. Casio y pepe is a Roman dish that means literally “cheese and pepper.” It’s used as a measuring stick for any good Italian chef. It’s simplicity is perfect. The keys here are the black pepper and the fresh grated cheese. The original recipe calls for pecorino romano cheese because, you know, fucking Rome but you can use several types of hard Italian cheese. The toasting of the pepper in the butter adds a whole new dimension of flavor. The pasta water helps melt the cheese and binds the cheese to the pasta. This shit is glorious and anyone can make it. It may take time to perfect it but it’s sooo worth it.

Casio Y Pepe:

6 ounces of pasta, ideally spaghetti or bucatini but hey I had leftover pasta.

3 tablespoons of butter, cubed and divided.

1 teaspoon of freshly ground black pepper.

3/4 cups of grated cheese. I used parmesano reggiano but the original calls for the romano variety.

1/4 cup of grated cheese to top the finished dish.

Cook your noodles to just al dente, about 2 minutes shy of the cooking directions, reserve a cup of the pasta water then drain the pasta. Do not rinse the pasta since we need some of the starch to help coat the noodles. Melt 2 tablespoons of the butter in a sauce pan, add in the pepper and toast for a minute or two. The toasting pepper smell is amazing and you will ask yourself why you haven’t done this before. Add in 1/2 cup of the pasta water and bring to a simmer, toss in your pasta and the remaining teaspoon of butter. Turn your heat down to low and add in the 3/4 cup of cheese. Using some tongs, stir and toss the pasta to coat, you can add in some more pasta water if the sauce tightens too much. Remove from heat and plate the pasta then add the remaining grated cheese over the top.

I placed the pasta on a plate, put the chicken cordon bleu next to it and served with a fresh spinach salad. The cool part about the pasta and the chicken is that when you cut into the chicken some of the molten cheese will leak out and you can mix it together with the pasta to piss off two entire cultures! Nice!

The main takeaways from this are to throw away that green box of grated asscheese and start using the real stuff. Then while you’re at it throw away that can of ground pepper that resembles floor sweepings and buy yourself a pepper grinder and fill it with whole peppercorns. There is no comparison when you start using the real thing and the only way you can get close to a good version of the pasta is by using the real deal.

There you go! Two delicious menu items from two entirely different cuisines. It’s OK to mix a few things up once in awhile. Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to try to find a butcher that will flatten the chicken for me, because honestly that fucking sucks.

Thanks as always for reading.

Bon Appetit and shit!