David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 9: Rabies Gets An Unfair Rep!

The Maestro - March 3, 2022March 2, 2022

Good morning, patient. That's quite the nasty bite you've got on your finger. Looks like a canine tooth... Oh, I see. Yes, that's fine, I won't mention your fetishes to the rest of the internet... nobody needs to know what your side pieces have been doing to you. That said,

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 8: Hooked On Phonics? Fork Your Tongue!

The Maestro - February 24, 2022February 24, 2022

Good morning. You sure have had a lot of visits with me this past while. Is the NFL covering your co-pay or something? At any rate, time to look at your chart... you're saying that you've been at a loss for words since football season ended? I suppose, in some

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 7: Is Fecal-Based Birth Control Right for You?

The Maestro - February 17, 2022February 15, 2022

Good morning. I've heard claims of lots of happy Rams fans out there this week, but curiously, I haven't seen any yet thus far. Seems odd to me - in years past, I couldn't tell you how many women I've had to turn away from my doors this week due

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 6: The Healing Power of Death

The Maestro - February 10, 2022February 10, 2022

Good morning. We're four days from the Super Bowl! We're also five days away from my favorite day on the calendar: the day the bodies start piling up in my office again. The, uh, alive ones, that is. Yes. Alive. Let's go with that. I don't deal with the dead

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 5: Malaria and Syphilis – No Longer a Sophie’s Choice!

The Maestro - February 3, 2022February 2, 2022

Good morning. You're back again? Talk about bad luck. What is it this time? A burning sensation, you say? Front side, or back? Oh, yeah. I had that one too. I think a certain Chargers cornerback from a while ago had it a few times as well - though due to

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 4: Cestoda and You – Man’s Real Best Friend!

The Maestro - January 27, 2022January 26, 2022

Good morning, patient. Please forgive me if I'm a bit unfocused today... I'm rather hungover. Yes, I know the Divisional Round was four days ago. I see your charts are saying you're complaining of nausea and headaches... are you a Bills fan, by any chance? I see. Yes, I'd be sick

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 2: How Yoga Is Rotting Your Brain

The Maestro - January 13, 2022January 13, 2022

Good morning! Thank you for stopping by for your weekly checkup with me. I trust you've paid up front already? Good. I've got a lot of work to do to finish eating this bottle of Vicodin today, so why don't you grab a few for yourself and sit down with

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 1: How to Become Immortal Through Using Mercury

The Maestro - January 6, 2022January 10, 2022

Hi, everybody! I’m Dr. David J. Chao. You may know me from Twitter as ProFootballDoc, where I give insight on potential player injuries as I watch game action in real time. You may also potentially know me for my scandal-filled years as the team doctor for the San Diego Chargers,

An Old Friend Comes Home

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

INTERIOR - SOFI STADIUM LOCKER ROOM, LOS ANGELES, CA - SUNDAY AFTERNOON [LOCKER ROOM DOOR FLIES OPEN] DR. DAVID CHAO: [Visibly stumbling] HI [hic] EVERYSSBODYSSS! [The locker room is empty and offers no response] DR. DAVID CHAO: Oh, a little [hic] alonesh time for the [hic] Doctor and hsssh patient! [Pulls out flask and

Puzzle: Boom Goes the Dynamite

Puzzles

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 12, 2015August 12, 2015

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY Jason Pierre-Paul lies asleep in a hospital bed. A nurse gently shakes him awake. NURSE: [softly] Mr. Pierre-Paul...Mr. Pierre-Paul... JASON PIERRE-PAUL: [moans] ...where...? NURSE: You're in the hospital, Mr. Pierre-Paul. You had an accident. Do you remember? JPP: [looks down]...missing... NURSE: [soothingly] It's all right. JPP: ...paramedics...stole... NURSE: No, no, your agent took it