David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 7: Is Fecal-Based Birth Control Right for You?

The Maestro - February 17, 2022February 15, 2022

Good morning. I've heard claims of lots of happy Rams fans out there this week, but curiously, I haven't seen any yet thus far. Seems odd to me - in years past, I couldn't tell you how many women I've had to turn away from my doors this week due

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 6: The Healing Power of Death

The Maestro - February 10, 2022February 10, 2022

Good morning. We're four days from the Super Bowl! We're also five days away from my favorite day on the calendar: the day the bodies start piling up in my office again. The, uh, alive ones, that is. Yes. Alive. Let's go with that. I don't deal with the dead

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 5: Malaria and Syphilis – No Longer a Sophie’s Choice!

The Maestro - February 3, 2022February 2, 2022

Good morning. You're back again? Talk about bad luck. What is it this time? A burning sensation, you say? Front side, or back? Oh, yeah. I had that one too. I think a certain Chargers cornerback from a while ago had it a few times as well - though due to

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 4: Cestoda and You – Man’s Real Best Friend!

The Maestro - January 27, 2022January 26, 2022

Good morning, patient. Please forgive me if I'm a bit unfocused today... I'm rather hungover. Yes, I know the Divisional Round was four days ago. I see your charts are saying you're complaining of nausea and headaches... are you a Bills fan, by any chance? I see. Yes, I'd be sick

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 2: How Yoga Is Rotting Your Brain

The Maestro - January 13, 2022January 13, 2022

Good morning! Thank you for stopping by for your weekly checkup with me. I trust you've paid up front already? Good. I've got a lot of work to do to finish eating this bottle of Vicodin today, so why don't you grab a few for yourself and sit down with

David Chao’s Hollywood Upstairs Medical College Info Pamphlet 1: How to Become Immortal Through Using Mercury

The Maestro - January 6, 2022January 10, 2022

Hi, everybody! I’m Dr. David J. Chao. You may know me from Twitter as ProFootballDoc, where I give insight on potential player injuries as I watch game action in real time. You may also potentially know me for my scandal-filled years as the team doctor for the San Diego Chargers,

An Old Friend Comes Home

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers - September 25, 2020September 25, 2020

INTERIOR - SOFI STADIUM LOCKER ROOM, LOS ANGELES, CA - SUNDAY AFTERNOON [LOCKER ROOM DOOR FLIES OPEN] DR. DAVID CHAO: [Visibly stumbling] HI [hic] EVERYSSBODYSSS! [The locker room is empty and offers no response] DR. DAVID CHAO: Oh, a little [hic] alonesh time for the [hic] Doctor and hsssh patient! [Pulls out flask and

Puzzle: Boom Goes the Dynamite

Puzzles

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly - August 12, 2015August 12, 2015

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY Jason Pierre-Paul lies asleep in a hospital bed. A nurse gently shakes him awake. NURSE: [softly] Mr. Pierre-Paul...Mr. Pierre-Paul... JASON PIERRE-PAUL: [moans] ...where...? NURSE: You're in the hospital, Mr. Pierre-Paul. You had an accident. Do you remember? JPP: [looks down]...missing... NURSE: [soothingly] It's all right. JPP: ...paramedics...stole... NURSE: No, no, your agent took it