Random Thoughts with BFC, Volume 9

Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your Host, Doug Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between Doug Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the ninth edition of a potentially recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC!  Now also (occasionally but not today) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open attempt at an advice column.

• Good evening. Or morning. Or afternoon. Who knows with how dark it gets early now.
• As you may have heard, this little corner of the internet we call DFO/home has now clocked more than 1 million comments. Conservatively, 10% of those have to be old Moose gifs. I’m apparently responsible for roughly 2.4% of them, so that estimate may actually be low. Check out the comments in internet dad’s milestone post for a little sappiness, as it always nice to have a reminder that the people here really are great.
• Speaking of the wonders of the internet, I have deleted the twitter app off of my phone. I haven’t been able to bring myself to nuke my account straight out because, well, honestly it’s the best way to get quick customer service responses from United, FedEx, et al. At least I know I’m being a hypocritical little bitch about it.
• The reason I’m sharing it with you all, though, is because this post previously included a shitload of tweets I’d enjoyed. Now instead of getting viral TikToks on a 1 week delay on Twitter, I’m getting viral tweets and viral TikToks on a 2-5 day delay on instagram.  Where’s that goddamn meteor? Or those oft discussed nukes?

• Ah, that takes me back.
• I can still find some fun stuff on the internet without giving Space Karen my clicks. Did you see the names for Ohio’s new snow plows? My favorite is Ctrl-Salt-Delete.  No word on your mom, since she’s usually the one getting plowed.
• Here’s a question/request for advice: How do you go about finding a new barber/person to cut your hair? I went to the person that used to (successfully) cut my hair and it was a disaster.  Did some light google searching, reviews are all over the place, found a guy who did a solid job, and he’s already left that place. So what next?

• With the NFL season approaching its measty/yeasty conclusion, I know you all have one question on your mind, and no, I did not make the fantasy football playoffs.  Oh, not that one?
• Ok….How’s Geno Smith doing? Going into last night’s game, 1% odds of winning MVP? That’s approximately 1000X higher than I would have projected at the beginning of the season. Almost a lock to be a Pro Bowler?  Not gonna lie, I need to figure out when I’ll be in close enough proximity to NatashaLater’s house to deliver him his ill gotten booze.
• Or do I? This week’s match up against Santa Clara was the first time this season that I watched Geno with my own eyes, and I can’t say I was impressed. Sure, he threw a nice TD late but for most of the game his throws were behind his receivers and his reads were….not good. Mr. Ayo helpfully pointed out that before the thrilla in Sea-chilla, Geno had 8 INTs “BUT, according to PFF he has thrown 22 turnover worthy passes this year. It’s been all smokes and mirrors. He’s exactly what everyone expected, just with more luck.” What do you all think? Geno Smith, legit starting NFL QB or Geno Smith, Fraudy McFrauderson?
• Not to steal Rev’s bit, but if you’re looking for a Christmas movie to watch and want to leave Die Hard for WCS’s liveblog, I recommend Office Christmas Party. We watched it a few years ago with very low expectations, and it actually had us laughing out loud and saying “OH SHIT.” THAT’s what makes a good Christmas movie.  Looking at you, Rudolph and Frosty, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

• We decided last minute to take a little trip for Christmas, just Lady BFC and me, and let me tell you–I don’t care how great your parents/siblings/aunts/extended family are and how much you love them, being able to SKIP the “whose parents are we visiting this year” debate and traveling just the two of you is a goddamn blessing.
• Remember, holiday travel means it’s amateur hour at the airports. Don’t be a dumbass and walk through the mags with your phone in your pocket. You’re an embarrassment to your family if you do that.
• And so in that vein, let’s close out our brain droppings this week with another fill in the blank:  “Going home for Christmas always makes me wistful for ____________.”