Instant Hippo Thoughts/Mini-JV Preview – Afrikan-American Friday, #NuAIDS Season

King Hippo - November 27, 2020November 26, 2020

Hey howdy, y'all. Hope you are wallowing in your shame like a good Commentist should. Let's talk some FITBAW!! Sparta Prague completed Celtic's utter humiliation, bouncing them from the NIT Shempions League. Two late goals bloated the scoreline all the way to 4-1. Ouchy the fook ouch! Celtic are fuckweasels, plus

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 7, #NuAIDS Season

King Hippo - October 26, 2020October 25, 2020

Holy cats, did my squadrons all get smoked this weekend. NC State, pounded like a veal by U*NC (as expected, but still). Everton, 2-nil losers at fookin' lousy Saints, complete with a red card to star left back Lucas Digne. And last but not least, Kansas City waltzed into snowy Denver

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 6, #NuAIDS Season

King Hippo - October 19, 2020October 18, 2020

Hey howdy, y'all. Did you enjoy a fine Fall weekend, filled with FITBAW and as little movement as humanly possible? Sorry for the humble brag. [Closed captions for the Hard-of-Hippo provided by the Church of the Immaculate Deception, Reverend E. Mayhem presiding.] I hope you didn't need any real details on the

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 5, #NuAIDS Season

King Hippo - October 12, 2020October 12, 2020

Obviously, the leading thought is 2020 being 2020. Team full of assholes, league full of woman and/or child beaters...and the one likeable Non-Gendered Cowperson has his ankle go where ankles should not go. And stay there. It was awful, hopefully he is able to resume his career in 2021, and

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 4, #NuAIDS Season

King Hippo - October 5, 2020October 4, 2020

I preface this week's column by noting that any day that includes the Redshite losing 7-2 to freaking Villa?? Can't be a bad day. I was also coming off a nice 14 hours of Saturday night sleep. [Closed captioning for the hard-of-Hippo provided by the Church of the Immaculate Deception, Reverend E. Mayhem presiding.

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 3, #NuAIDS Season

King Hippo - September 28, 2020September 28, 2020

Week 2 was The One Where Everyone Died. Week 3 was The One Where Everyone Derped. [Closed captions for the hard-of-Hippo provided by the Church of the Immaculate Deception, Rev. E. Mayhem presiding] Did you ever wonder what that Most Evil Superb Owl [Falcons-P*triots] would be like, if only a series of ridiculous

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 2, #NuAIDS Season

King Hippo - September 21, 2020September 20, 2020

Hey there, imaginary frienderinos! Did you enjoy this weekend's offerings from the FITBAW gods and goddesses? I am perhaps a little MOAR doped up than usual (cracked a rib Friday night, chasing a half-ded bunny around the living room - THANKS AGAIN, Kruger). Man, what a thrilling Sunday it was to

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 1, #NuAIDS Season

King Hippo - September 14, 2020September 13, 2020

Hello, one and all. We have had one hellscape of a year, and as much as I can't say we deserve any better...we sure as shit needed the warmth and comfort of a legitimate NFL season. It was like the return of an old, dear friend. Andy Reid's Superb Owl seems like it

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Superb Owl (2019 Season)

Reflections

King Hippo - February 3, 2020February 2, 2020

Yes, Steve Atwater gets the banner pic. He fucking earned it. The Smiling Assassin was a childhood hero, and remains a damned fine human being. Another thing to celebrate in this damned fine season of FITBAW. Of course, there was the little matter of Sunday night's game. Fat Andy v. Baby

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Championship Sunday (2019 Season)

Reflections

King Hippo - January 20, 2020January 19, 2020

Oh, holiest of holy days. The last pure FITBAW day on the calendar (the Superb Owl is MOAR a sports-themed event than anything, plus only one game). I hope everyone reverently enjoyed and appreciated it. Tit Men and Chefs always felt like a great matchup, and Q1 certainly lived up to