Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 7, 2022 Season

Things happened yesterday.  Let's discuss some of them! Remember how competent Matty Ice was last week?  Well, fucking forget it.  Don T's Suddenly Quite Perky Tits harrassed the fuck out of him, with two back-breaking first turnovers digging a hole the Humps would never climb out of.  Pretty much all of the

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 6, 2022 Season

Holy bananacakes, even if you expect the unexpected...Sunday was quite the surprise.  And mostly in a good/fun way, for once! At 1-4 and staring into the abyss, most of us were wondering "how low can it go" for the Yinzers.  Turns out, the trip to Buffalo was rock bottom, and they

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 5, 2022 Season

So, what did everyone think?  Seems like the day really peaked early (apparently Q-aaron had a bitchy little fit in the locker room, even), then quickly ran out of steam.  Or maybe my hellscape nightmares are just beating me down.  Who fucking knows? That said, nobody remains winless (seems early for

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 3, 2022 Season

The first two weeks of an NFL season always seem kind of random to me (even if 2022 has taken that to a way higher level), but Week 3 has always been nut-cutting time.  The 0-2 can get off the mat, the "Week 1 winners that go 1-2" (ahem, cough...Commies)

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 2, 2022 Season

One might have imagined a reversion to normalcy, after a chaotic-as-fuck Week One.  One would be wrong.  Better type this shit up before my brain melts. As y'all know, the transitive property doesn't work with football.  Otherwise, as Dok noted, Detroit was on pace to become the NFL's best squadron.  They

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 1, 2022 Season

Holy mother of fuck, do I ever love football.  Even if this most glorious 9/11 opening slate broke my brain.  Which it most certainly did.  You say YOUR brain is still functional, and useable for billable work?  FUCKING LIAR. January was quite the roller coaster for Cincinnati.  But even coming in

Instant Hippo Thoughts – 2021 Season Finale

Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace. A great game to end an incredible playoffs, ruined on the final Los Angeles drive.  Let 'em play for 58 minutes, then give Enos his silverware for building his fancy Southern California stadium.  Just eat all the fucking shit. Phantom defensive holding, followed by an even

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Setting the Owl, 2021 Season

Yes, at long lost, the AFC and NFC have set their champions.  4 seed against 4 seed.  Deliver us from emptiness, oh Great Sportsball Entropy. The oft-repeated, and seemingly quite logical refrain - surely Championship Sunday would be a reversion to the mean, after all the balls-to-the-wall excellence of the Divisional

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Sabado el Divisional Round

Holy shit, what do you say about The Game That Had Everything?  OK, Homer - maybe not Morganna the Kissing Bandit or the return of Jim Brown.  But hot damn, Tits/WKRP was some proper footy. Margins were very thin.  Yes, el Tractorcito played, and played pretty well.  But...deffo not 100%.  Speed