Hard Ride To Nowhere Draft Day Special

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 28, 2016April 27, 2016

The scene: A used car lot in Key West, where Future Moose, Old School Zero and Marc Trestmans Windowless Van are perusing the inventory. OSZ: I dunno, guys...I'm not seeing anything really fuel-efficient here. Future Moose (checking out a 1977 Chevy van with a wizard painted on the side): This might

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 28)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 22, 2016April 21, 2016

The scene: The creepy basement where the Angry Girl Scout is holding Ballsofsteelandfury, Lord Revisisle, JJ Fozz and Rikki-Tikki-Deadly captive. She has just conjured a fearsome entity called Cookiethulhu, and it stands looming over her, wrapped in mystic smoke. JJ Fozz: Good...lord... Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (inhaling the smoke): He smells like...freshly-baked oatmeal cookies! Ballsofsteelandfury (also

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 27)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 15, 2016April 14, 2016

The scene: A two-lane highway in the desert. Doktor Zymm's car is pulled over to the side of the road in front of a police car. A big, granite-faced cop gets out of the police car and walks toward Doktor Zymm's car, getting out his ticket book. Cop: Do yew

Hard Ride To Nowhere Spring Break Special (Part 3)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 8, 2016April 7, 2016

The scene: Poolside at the motel in Key West, one week later. Old School Zero is in a recliner near the pool while Marc Trestmans Windowless Van floats in the pool on a giant inner tube. OSZ: I can't move. Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Dude, like, I can't feel my eyelids,

Hard Ride To Nowhere Spring Break Special (Part 2)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 1, 2016April 1, 2016

The scene: Spring Break in Key West, Florida! Old School Zero and Future Moose are checking out their motel room when the door flies open, and a large furry man lathered in suntan lotion and wearing a bright blue Speedo enters. Wolfman Rob: Hey, you must be my roomies!

Hard Ride To Nowhere Spring Break Special (Part 1)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - March 25, 2016March 24, 2016

The scene: Key West, Florida. Guys in swimsuits and gals in bikinis line the streets while Future Moose and Old School Zero drive down the road in OSZ's Prius. Marc Trestmans Windowless Van is asleep in the back seat. Future Moose: See? What'd I tell you? Key West is the place to

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 26)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - March 18, 2016March 17, 2016

The scene: The basement of the creepy house where the Angry Girl Scout dwells. JJ Fozz, Lord Revisile, Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and Ballsofsteelandfury are chained to the wall while the Angry Girl Scout busies herself by drawing a pentagram and a variety of arcane symbols on the floor. JJ Fozz: Look, kid... Angry

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 25)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - March 11, 2016March 11, 2016

The scene: The highway to Las Vegas. Doktor Zymm is driving and Moosemas Gorilla is taking up the backseat, Horatio on his shoulder. Otto's Brain is on the passenger side, strapped into a child's car seat. Otto's Brain: This is humiliating. Doktor Zymm: It ist zo you do not roll around

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 24)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - March 4, 2016March 3, 2016

The scene: The DFO clubhouse. Future Clone Debbie Harry holding the troll doll that used to be the present-day body of Moose, marches Doktor Zymm back out to the main room to find Low Commander of the Super Soldiers watching TV with the DFOers. Low Commander of the Super Soldiers:

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 23)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - February 26, 2016February 25, 2016

The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where Doktor Zymm is confronting Low Commander of the Super Soldiers about his mission from the future. Doktor Zymm: Zo, you have travelled back in time and you are looking for Mooze. Low Commander of the Super Soldiers: Well...yeah... He and the Empress had kind

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 22)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - February 19, 2016February 19, 2016

The scene: The In-N-Out convenience store near the DFO clubhouse. Horatio Cornblower is there, sitting on Moosemas Gorilla's shoulder as the ape stocks up on bananas. Horatio Cornblower: Okay, you have all the bananas. Can we get the beer now? Moosemas Gorilla: Ook! Ook-ook. Horatio Cornblower: Right! Can't forget

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 21)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - February 12, 2016February 11, 2016

The scene: The DFO clubhouse. It looks deserted, except for Darkest Timeline Zach Morris, still happily comatose and clad in a vintage John Travolta white disco suit, standing near the bar. Doktor Zymm (peaking out of her lab): Hello...? Vere ist everyone? Hmm... Doktor Zymm ducks back into her lab,