Latest posts by Beastmode Ate My Baby (see all)
- Prisoners On The Pleasure Planet! Chapter Sixteen – May 25, 2018
- Prisoners On The Pleasure Planet! Chapter Fifteen – May 25, 2018
- Hard Ride To Nowhere: The End, No Really I Mean It This Time, Seriously, Guys, This Is It – May 18, 2018
The scene: The basement of the creepy house where the Angry Girl Scout dwells. JJ Fozz, Lord Revisile, Rikki-Tikki-Deadly and Ballsofsteelandfury are chained to the wall while the Angry Girl Scout busies herself by drawing a pentagram and a variety of arcane symbols on the floor.
JJ Fozz: Look, kid…
Angry Girl Scout: I’m not a kid.
JJ Fozz: Fine. Hey…creepy girl who looks like a kid…
Angry Girl Scout: You know, you really have a way of getting under my skin.
JJ Fozz: It’s that special way I have with people.
Angry Girl Scout: I can appreciate that, actually. Most people suck.
JJ Fozz: Tell me about it! They drive too slow in the left lane, they wander through the grocery store without a clue, they can’t make up their minds at the bar…you’re at a bar, dumbass, order alcohol!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Look, sometimes I want a beer, and sometimes I want something stronger.
JJ Fozz: A lemon drop martini might be stronger than a beer, but you still look like a dumbass holding one.
Lord Revisisle: Little girl…you should really let us go. We have friends…people who’ll miss us…
Angry Girl Scout: Like who?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Doktor Zymm?
JJ Fozz: She’d miss her prize collection of beakers more than us.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Marc Trestmans Windowless Van?
Lord Revisile: He’d have to come down out of his haze long enough to remember who we are.
Angry Girl Scout: HA!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: Excuse me?
Angry Girl Scout: You heard me! He’s not your friend! He’s not anyone’s friend!
Lord Revisisle: I think we hit a nerve.
Angry Girl Scout: You losers wanna know why I hate you so much?
Ballsofsteelandfury: Not if it’s going to make you more upset…
Angry Girl Scout (ignoring Ballsofsteelandfury): It was a long, long time ago…
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly: In a galaxy far away?
Angry Girl Scout (glaring): Don’t make me get the hot pincers.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly (gulping): Sorry. Please do go on.
Angry Girl Scout: As I was saying…it was a long, long time ago…
Cut to: A flashback of a very young Scotchnaut on the playground with young WCS and an infant Old Scool Zero. Scotchnaut and WCS are playing cards while OSZ makes mud pies.
Li’l Scotchnaut: This is boring.
Li’l WCS: You said it! I hate being a kid.
Baby OSZ (patting the mud): Gah!
Li’l Scotchnaut: We can’t drink, we can’t go to the movies we wanna go to…
Li’l WCS: The ones with boobs!
Li’l Scotchnaut: You know what we should do?
Baby OSZ (holding up a handful of mud): Wan’ pie?
Li’l Scotchnaut (ignoring OSZ): We should form a gang…like…like…
Li’l WCS: Like the Greasers?
Li’l Scotchnaut: No, I mean a tough gang. Like the Warriors.
Li’l WCS: Aw, I ain’t seen that one.
Li’l Scotchnaut: Well…me neither, but I saw the movie poster!
Baby OSZ (his face is all muddy now): Pie gone.
As the boys make their plan, a girl in a scout uniform approaches. She looks exactly like the Angry Girl Scout, but less angry and more perky.
Perky Girl Scout: Hey, guys! What’cha doin’?
Li’l WCS: We’re forming a gang.
Li’l Scotchnaut: Hey! That’s a secret, WCS!
Baby OSZ (making another mud pie): Une tarte au chocolat!
Perky Girl Scout: A gang? Like the Greasers? Hey, I wanna join!
Li’l Scotchnaut: No, not like the Greasers! That’s just dumb! An’ besides, yer a girl.
Perky Girl Scout: So?
Li’l Scotchnaut: Well, girls can’t be inna gang. Everyone knows that!
Perky Girl Scout: That’s stupid! Girls can too be in a gang!
Li’l Scotchnaut: Can not!
Perky Girl Scout: Can too!
Li’l Scotchnaut: Well, it’s my gang an’ I say you can’t! C’mon, guys!
Li’l Scotchnaut gets up and leaves. Li’l WCS shrugs and grabs Baby OSZ’s hand and follows.
Baby OSZ (burping and waving): Bye-bye!
Perky Girl Scout (alone now, and looking angry): So, I’m not good enough, huh? Well, I’ll show ’em! Someday I’m gonna show ’em all!
Cut to: The present day, where the Angry Girl Scout is drawing the last of the arcane symbols on the floor.
Angry Girl Scout: So, on that day I swore vengeance on Scotchnaut, and vowed to destroy anything he created.
JJ Fozz: That still doesn’t explain why you’re…you know…a kid.
Angry Girl Scout: Oh, that. Well, you know, when you pledge your soul to the dark powers, immortality is one of the fringe benefits.
Lord Revisisle: Really? That’s kind of nice…
Angry Girl Scout: Of course, I have to keep the dark powers fed. Which is where you guys come in.
JJ Fozz: Uh-oh.
Ballsofsteelandfury: I do not like the sound of this.
Angry Girl Scout (chanting): Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cookiethulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.
As the room gets dim, an eerie glow forms in the pentagram. A shape begins to take form, wrapped in supernatural mist.
Angry Girl Scout (repeating the chant): Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cookiethulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!
From inside the mist a guttural voice answers.
To be continued…