Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 107)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 22, 2020May 19, 2020

The scene: Hunter Pond, where a melee has broken out between a group of primates just looking to kick back & have some fun, and a group of DFOers who have been hurled through time, attacked by a giant squirrel, and forced to put up with PK. Currently, Moosemas Gorilla

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 106)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 15, 2020May 13, 2020

The scene: That bright, shining beacon in the midst of The Wasteland, that veritable temple to rampant consumerism, the one and only... Yes, it's Iguana Mart! Covalent Blonde, WCS and Future Clone Debbie Harry stand near the entrance, gazing in wonder at the massive structure that stands before them, as mutants,

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 105)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 8, 2020May 6, 2020

The scene: Still the future! Although we're in a slightly less Wasteland-y part, thanks to Horatio Cornblower and Moosemas Gorilla finding a a rather large pond. They're currently splashing around in it, cleaning off all sorts of squirrel gore. Horatio Cornblower: Good job finding this place, pal! It's nice to

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 104)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - May 1, 2020May 1, 2020

The scene: The DFO clubhouse, where Old School Zero is currently sleeping on the couch while The Principal (starring Jim Belushi!) plays on the TV. There's a recurring beeping sound emanating from a panel on the wall, which is also flashing a blinking red light. It would probably get OSZ's

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 103)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 24, 2020April 21, 2020

The scene: The future! And yes, by that I mean The Wasteland future, so it's all desolation and rocks and tumbleweeds and sand. Much more George Miller than George Lucas. But hey, it could be worse! We could be talkin' a George Romero future! Although that would have cool Tom

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 102)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - April 17, 2020April 15, 2020

The scene: The future. Not the future with spaceships and strange new worlds and going where no one has gone before. No, this is a future ravaged by plagues, wars, natural disasters and the occasional Zymm-related mishap. It's kind of shitty overall, but there are a few bright spots here

Story Time with Fozz: A Place that I Love As Much as Bourbon

*Not A* Sponsored Post

jjfozz - February 12, 2020

About a year ago, a dumb shit friend backed into my car and screwed up the bumper and hood. He didn’t want to report because his son was getting on his insurance. Fine. No problem. So this guy, we’ll call him “Dumb Fuck Jeep Driver,” sends me to this body shop.

Mouth Flies Open: DFO Advice Mailbag #15

BrettFavresColonoscopy - September 19, 2019September 19, 2019

The team at DFO is committed to brightening the world with insights, observations, and dick jokes. This mailbag feature is just one more way in which we extend our mission beyond football to the rest of life’s broad and multi-chromatic palette. The NFL off-season is OVER and the regular season is under way for

‘Twas the Night Before Moosemas…

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 29, 2017December 28, 2017

'Twas the night before Moosemas, and in a corner of Hell A battle was raging, and it wasn't going well Beelzebub was there, he was raging that day As he sent his Beelzebros into the fray Against Moose they raged, growling and grizzled While from the skies the hellfire drizzled Weaselo was there too, and WCS And

Moosemas in Hell (Part Four)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 22, 2017December 21, 2017

The scene: The Secret Island of Doktor Zymm, home to the Secret Base of Doktor Zymm which of course houses the Laboratory of Doktor Zymm where, even now, Doktor Zymm has assembled several DFOers (Marc, Balls, CB and Horatio) and hangers-on (Sharkbait, Man in Plaid #2's head, Moosemas Gorilla) as

Moosemas in Hell (Part Three)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 15, 2017December 14, 2017

The scene: The barren plains of Hell. The Moosemobile is racing across the crimson sands of the diabolic wastelands, with an infernal machine in full pursuit. The infernal machine looks like a vintage Soviet KV-2 heavy artillery tank as re-imagined by famed painter H.R. Giger. So it's a pretty gnarly piece

Moosemas in Hell (Part Two)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - December 8, 2017December 7, 2017

The scene: The Secret Island of Doktor Zymm! Assorted DFOers, Olympian gods, ninjas and hangers-on are currently in the lab with the Dimensional Energy Retrieval Portal as Zymm programs new coordinates into the computer. Ballsofsteelandfury: So...you were serious, Dok? Moose and the others are really in Hell? Doktor Zymm (punching keys):