Unless otherwise specified, the mixing instructions for all these drinks are the same. Put in glass, maybe with some ice if you’re fancy, drink.

NFC EAST

The Giants

1/4 oz Creme de Violette

3/4 oz Blue Curacao

1 Grape Capri Sun (Eli’s favorite)

2 oz gin

The Eagles

1 Mickey’s Grenade

2 oz Absinthe

Pour over snow cone, throw at Santa

The [*Redacted] s

6 oz Wine from the Burgundy region of France

1 oz Goldschlager

The blood of Dan Snyder

The Cowboys

1 part Mercury

1 part Blue fluid from a sanitary napkin commercial

The NFC North

The Packers

2 oz Midori

1 oz Cheez Whiz

Float the Cheez Whiz in the Midori, share the drink with 360,000 other “owners”

The Bears

1 package Berry Blue jello

One bottle of Mike Ditka “The Player” Merlot

Vodka

Make Jello shots with the above ingredients. Serve in orange halves.

The Vikings

1 bottle Purple cough syrup

1 handful purple Jolly Ranchers

1 bottle Coca-cola

Mix together, serve with Lutefisk

The Lions

1 oz Bacardi Silver

1 oz Blue Curacao

Drink in a run down house you bought for $2000

The NFC South

The Saints

1 bottle Chocolate Stout

1 oz Kinky Gold Liqueur

Rim glass with Cajun Spice. Drink until you wake up with a stranger in your bed and say “Who Dat?”

The Falcons

Cranberry Juice

Alize

Hair of a murdered dog

The Buccaneers

MRSA

Red Rum

Cherry Kool-Aid

The Pathers

1 oz Blue Curacao (Too many teams in this league have blue as a team color)

Patron Silver

Fig Newton

Peter King’s scorn (optional, for QBs)

The NFC West

The Seahawks

Skittlebrau. Nuff said.

The Rams

Blueberry Jam

2 oz Bacardi Gold

3 wasted 1st round draft picks from Washington

The 49rs

1 oz Smirnoff Gold Vodka (Also lots of teams with gold as a color, though for the 49rs it makes sense)

1 oz Goldschlager

1 oz Gosling’s Gold Seal rum

1 oz Campari

Chug, throw empty glass at the head of a Raiders fan.

The Cardinals

1 oz Tequila

6 oz Tomato juice

Drink with a confused resident of St. Louis