After struggling with the Fuckroxx posting system last Friday, and finally getting this on KSK as an image at the bottom of the latest PK takedown, RTD invited me to join yous guyses here and give it a proper home. BEHOLD:

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345 Park Avenue, New York

[Roger Goodell is sitting alone in his office in a massive black leather desk chair, facing away from his desk and obscuring him from view with its high back. The intercom buzzes.]

Molly: Sydney Seau is here to see you, Commissioner.

Goodell: Send her in.

[The massive office door slowly creeks open, spilling light across the otherwise dim room. As Sydney enters, it begins to close behind her. She sits in the only available chair in the room, which is almost comically short compared to everything else in the office.]

Sydney: Mr. Goodell, I-

Goodell: Commissioner. You will address me as Commissioner.

Sydney: [Sighs] Commissioner Goodell, I know we have not always seen eye to eye, but I have come here today to ask you for a favor. As I know you are aware, my father will be inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame next month. It has always been his wish that I introduce him before his initiation on stage, and while I know that there are rules in place and that you are not directly responsible for the Hall’s policies, a statement by you endorsing these wishes would be extremely helpful in getting them to make an exception.

[The room becomes silent. After a few moments, Sydney breaks it with a stifled cough. As if on cue, Goodell begins to speak.]

Goodell: I am afraid I cannot do that. Unless, of course, you would be willing to drop this treacherous lawsuit poised by your family, hanging overhead of My League like a dark thunder cloud.

Sydney: You know I cannot do that, even if I wanted to. The players deserve to know the truth about their safety, and deserve compensation for the way they have been treated. My father would’ve wanted that, more than anything.

[Goodell’s chair begins to slowly turn to face Sydney. As he begins to come into the light, his expression is neutral, and he appears to be stroking a grey football in his lap, as if it were a cat.]

Goodell: What your father wants more than anything is for his family to be happy and… safe. His biggest fear is that something might happen to you because of him. Or so he tells me.

[The object in Goodell’s lap fully comes into the light. Sydney gasps.]

Goodell: You know, he’s told me a lot. About his days in My League, about his life and about you… What’s that?

[Goodell lift’s Junior Seau’s brain up to his ear, as if listening to it.]

Goodell: Now now, that would not be very nice, Junior. Even if it is for her own good.

Sydney: YOU ARE A MONSTER!

[Sydney bolts up out of her chair and runs towards the exit. The door flies open and remains as she disappears down the long corridor behind it. Goodell smiles and begins to cackle while calling after her.]

Goodell: See you at the ceremony, my dear!

[The door slams shut as Goodell leans back in his chair.]

Goodell: Molly, any calls for me while I was in my meeting?

Molly: Yes, Commissioner. Mr. King called 4 times asking when you would be returning his brain.

Goodell: Tell him I’m not done with it yet! Now, send in the Stabler family. I want to make sure that they do not have any “issues” of their own.