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Team Preview Schedule: AFC East and NFC East

Cuntler

/

I said I would re-post the team preview schedule for everyone periodically as a reminder for each of the writers to DO YOUR JOB!, so here you go.  Extra special thanks to Horatio for breaking our collective preview cherry.  Nice work, baseball fan.  The folks in bold below have not confirmed whether or not they are doing a preview.  Feel free to confirm or volunteer below (should you want to usurp the preview from one of the slackers).  If no one does a preview for a certain team, we can just post a .gif of Dan Snyder eating pudding or something.

NFC East – 7/27, 7/28, 7/29, 7/30

AFC East –  8/3, 8/4, 8/5, 8/6:

  • Patriots: Electric Mayhem
  • Bills:  Electric Mayhem/Upstate Underdog?
  • Jets: Lord Revisisle (confirmed!)
  • Dolphins: Warthog

 

 

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King Hippo

The only day I celebrate is National Goddamned Nothing Day

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

You goyim can keep Christmas, but don’t take this away from me.

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King Hippo

I earnestly thank ye good Hebes (no ofence) for bringing goyim into the lexicon. It truly is one of my 3-5 favourite non-vulgar words.

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scotchnaut

So you celebrate the absence of something? Whoa.

https://youtu.be/oIb9QUGjdIc

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Horatio Cornblower

I had such a huge crush on Berlin’s singer back in the day.

And I kind of miss videos like this.

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King Hippo

yes and yes!

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scotchnaut

Does anyone think of meatloaf when they click on the ‘dashboard’ feature? Because I certainly don’t.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why aren’t we tackling the important issues? Today is apparently National Scotch Day, and I haven’t had a scotch yet. Damn it all!

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ballsofsteelandfury

And where the hell is scotchnaut?!?

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WhyEaglesWhy

Here is an artist’s rendering of Scotchnaut on National Scotch Day:

http://www.amoeba.com/dynamic-images/blog/Charles/bill-cat-ack.jpg

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s way too articulate.

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King Hippo

I am old enough to remember his run for President in ’84.

Bill the Cat. A Desperate Choice For Desperate Times.

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scotchnaut

[is laying face-down in a puddle of unknown liquids, raises hand]

“Reporting for duty, sir.”

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, scotchnaut, I spent 12 days in Scotland two months ago. What should I bust out from my collection in order to celebrate National Scotch Day?

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scotchnaut

First things first-I love me the scotch but am not an expert.

The Macallan makes folks drool but gives me bad breath the next day because I always have too much of it.

I love The Dalwhinnie. It’s a great “I’ve had a good/bad day” kinda scotch.

When push comes to shove, it’s the The Glenlivet 18 for me. It’s so far beyond the 12. It’s as though they’re two different beverages.

What you be drinking, Brett?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I tend to be an Islay scotch guy. I have a weak spot for Laphroaig Quarter Cask and Triplewood as well as a couple of the new expressions from Ardbeg. Was thinking about busting out the Bruichladdich Laddie tonight but also have a MacAllan 18 that could whet my whistle.

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Cuntler

Ron Swanson supports your choice.

http://swansonquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/s07-ep13-lagavulin1-1000×500.jpg

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lagavulin was freaking beautiful. The 16 is a contender for tonight as well, but I’m leaning in a different direction.

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King Hippo

Thanks for reminding me how much I miss Ron Swanson’s presence in my TV life. Dick.

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scotchnaut

[tries to tamp down his envy]

Did you do a tour of any of the distilleries?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hit 16 distilleries in 12 days. So yeah.

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scotchnaut

You fucker.

[fails to tamp down envy]

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Horatio Cornblower

He hit 8 of those distilleries with his rental car after drinking at the first 8.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I went with the Laddie. Good, but not as good as the other options I listed. May tuck back into the Triplewood before bed.

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Warthog

I’m about ready to go with the Dolphins, once I decide between 8-8 and 7-9. One question, and it’s a pretty dumb one since I am pretty dumb, how do I submit a post?

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a good question, actually. I think DTZM or Rikki should handle that one.

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Covalent Blonde

BoS is totally right, but if they don’t get around to addressing it by your team’s date this may help as a substitute. As an absolute fallback, any of us can put it up for you, but since we are all authors on the site (methinks) you should be able to see the little black bar at the top the includes a [DOOR FLIES OPEN], a dialogue box, and then a ‘+’ sign from the left side of the screen. This is definitely a quick and dirty way to get it done. Mousing over the ‘+’ sign will give you a menu for three things, the first of which says ‘Post.’ Clicking that will give you an opportunity to create a new post and to at least save it as a draft. Then when you are at the DFO Dashboard–the page where it lists upcoming posts and recent comments and whatnot–you can access your draft there for future editing.

I hope that helps a bit until the guys can get around to it. I’m sure that’s not super clear.

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Warthog

Thanks so much. I must be doing something wrong. No ‘+’ on the toolbar. Like most places, I snuck in unnoticed and it’s all good until suddenly I need to be noticed.

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ballsofsteelandfury

It looks like you need to get author capabilities. Rikki or DTZM can grant them.

Never mind!

LOVE THE EDIT BUTTON!

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Old School Zero

LOOK AGAIN MOTHERHUMPER! YOU DONE JUST GOT AUTHOR PRIVILEGES! /crotch chop

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Warthog

Woohoo! Such a feeling of impotence.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They have pills for that.

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packman_jon

I’ll take care of the Packers preview tonight.

SPOILERS: Same Team, Different Year

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Cuntler

No rush. Packers isn’t for another week or so. . .

NFC North – 8/10, 8/11, 8/12, 8/13

Packers: Mike Wallace and Gromit / packman_jon
Bears: Cuntler/BFC
Lions: Cuntler
Vikings: yeah right (8/11) /Pickett’s Charge

For anyone else, here is the schedule for non AFC/NFC East Teams: https://www.doorfliesopen.com/wp/index.php/2015/07/21/questions/

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Sep

Finally! We have a Doctor in the house!

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Old School Zero

If I can offer a couple easy tips:

There’s an option when creating a post to schedule it for a specific day and time (in central time, I think?). I would suggest writing up your preview when you can–even if it’s really early–and scheduling it to publish on the suggested day.

With that, you can update it as needed or if you want anyone else to give it a proofreading or editing once-over, you would have the time to do that. Not that such things need to happen around here–we TELL not SPELL, amirithe?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is not the kind of tip I expected you to offer.

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Old School Zero

That tip doesn’t come for free.

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Old School Zero

I’ve been gathering up facts and figures on the Chargers last season (BOLTMAN doesn’t do STATISTICS, NERD! [starts the wave]), and holy shit I’m kind of depressed. The pain will only help the preview, I think.

I cannot wait for all these previews. Like, ridiculously so.

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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Well, if you want me to string together vicious swears at Geno Smith, I will confirm my designation as writer for the Jets preview.

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King Hippo

I figured a proper Jets preview would take the form of a suicide note, but this would also work.

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King Hippo

Who is the emissary to Doktor Zymm? Who among us has the requisite manners and pants?

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Cuntler

I will ping her on KSK to see if she is interested.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He pinged her… heh.

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Cuntler

She is in. I recommended that she create a word press account, and the powers that be hook her up with admin access. And then we can make fun of her for being a Skins fan. HAIL.

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King Hippo

Truly a great day in sports and dick/ball joke history.

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montythisseemsstrangetome

If no one does a preview of a certain team THAT TEAM DOESN’T GET TO PLAY IN THE NFL THIS YEAR.

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makeitsnowondem

I think I’m going to do Tennessee and then Houston, rather than the way it is on the schedule Cuntler put together, if that’s okay.

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Cuntler

I’ve never heard of those teams before. Are they in the AFC East?

/I don’t think you answer to any of us. Unless you do? If that is the case, I have some dry cleaning that isn’t going to pick itself up.

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makeitsnowondem

I mean, it might have mattered if I were trying to swap days with someone other than myself. Then again, I still haven’t actually checked with other snow.

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Old School Zero

there sure is alot of snow happening around here

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Cuntler

So make it snow is the Informer? It’s all coming together, sheeple.

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Sep

I’m going to need a ton of *ahem* snow *ahem* to make it through those previews.

You! I meant You’ll need it!

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