While the majority of folks here have been nursing weekend long hangovers due to #07/31 the world kept going and the NFL kept moving. So here is a little primer to catch up everyone who is crawling out of a bottle on what has happened.
Ravens: While you were drinking the Ravens proved you can have addition by subtraction. They may lose Strong Saftey Matt Elam for the season with a torn bicep. The team is waiting on the MRI results, but it doesn’t look good. Now the team is in a scramble to find out who can miss 50% of their tackles in the backfield for them this year. Chris Conte’s ears have started to burn. However, that is just because he has yet to realize he was signed by the Tampa Bay Buccs in March.
Giants: While you were drinking the Giants finally reached out to Jason Pierre-Paul, who has yet to sign his franchise deal. No word yet if the Giants are expecting a three-fingered discount.
Cowboys: While you were drinking the weekends biggest non-story everyone cannot stop talking about is the slap fight wide receiver Dez Bryant and cornerback Tyler Patmon on Sunday. Words were exchanged and punches were missed as two athletes went at it after a play.
Steelers/Eagles: While you were drinking the Eagles sent Boyken to the Steelers for a conditional 5th Rounder. Boykin praised the Philadelphia area and then told reporters he thinks Chip Kelly is “uncomfortable around grown men of our culture”. You’re preaching to the choir thought Nick Foles.
Now the news is out-of-the-way have I told you guys about how I drink my coffee yet? I haven’t well then you are all in luck…
Surprised Jerrah hasn’t brought in Ronda Rousey to make these preseason ‘scraps’ more entertaining.
Thanks for putting this post together! I was really busy with work all day but now I feel I’m caught up.
Thanks, I could have added a few more, but didn’t want to over step and over post.
You’re good. More info is always good.
Maybe people would stop calling Chip Kelly a racist if he stopped employing the horrible Riley Cooper??? I mean, “anyone” is better than Cooper.
Dez v. Tyler
http://i.imgur.com/q8Yhxbe.gif
Less accurate, but I liked it better.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/059dd888c3f947b59d7556a4b4d202f4/tumblr_nsc3w6SjIq1rlb6iho5_400.gif
GIANT SPACE PEANUTS! FUCK MEEEEEEEEEEE!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/eerie-new-asteroid-video-reveals-two-lobed-space-peanut_55bf9a69e4b0d4f33a036bd0?utm_hp_ref=green&ir=Green§ion=green
You’re gonna need a bigger EpiPen
http://31.media.tumblr.com/0a982d57032a5f2f2fac7358af3c51f2/tumblr_non2vaNQzC1r097udo1_400.gif
Most people thought Boykin was talking about race, but he was really referring to LGBT culture after the amount of times he was emasculated last season. Karma karma karma karma chameleon…
So Chip Kelly was right for getting rid of the distraction
What’s Caitlyn Jenner’s 40 time?
She starts out pretty strong through 40 but things really start changing around the 65 mark.
The Broncos might sign Jake Long. Yeah, our OL is that fucking bad.
PeyPey gon’ die.
Can’t 5’9″ Ronnie Hillman pick up those rushers?
Certainly he’ll finally be cut…
/remembers he’s one of Elway’s personal picks
//these wrists ain’t gonna cut themselves ,, smgdh
Hillman was a great runner in college but could never block. You better hope Osweiler is more mobile than Manning.
/everyone is more mobile than Manning
Osweiler can survive the season, but I am pretty certain he’s terrible. Not Tebow-terrible, but shitty nonetheless.
The future involves many slogs between the Bolts and Raiders trying to get to 8-8, or maybe 9-7.
I have no faith in the Chargers and foresee a 5-11 season. And they’ll need a new QB when Rivers opts to be a free agent next year.
Yeah. We should coordinate on the preview stuff. I’ll send you an email soon on what I’m thinking and what delusional ramblings BOLTMAN might utter.
Good call.
Hillman improved quite a bit, but I still think he’ll get beat out for that last RB position.
Seriously close to pulling the trigger on getting tickets (game and plane) for DEN at OAK. Whose got the Broncos preview? I need just a slight nudge to get me to gamble on experiencing that fan base lose their minds beating Peyton.
The Broncos D will be good. At least that’s what everyone in this town keeps saying.
On facebook, the Chargers account announced they were starting full pads practice after two days in shorts.
My first thought was “Great, so we can start getting injured.”
Shortly after, one of our linemen went down with an injury.
Guh.
Bears first rounder has yet to hit the field so he didn’t even wait for full pads to get hurt.
Don’t worry, they can hire some of the new movers to play on the line later this year. Two birds, one stone.
NOW STARTING AT CENTER: MIKE TUNISON
He’s ahead of the game. Reading PK surely gave him CTE.
His feces throwing is already Pro Bowl caliber ,, ppl forget that.
Oh god, that’s so terrible!
/wipes away tears from laughter
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE MONKEY RUN!
Ugh. How do you STILL own the Panthers you racist fuck?
#JagsAlreadyDidIt