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Duchess’ Arbitrary Debate Awards

Duchess

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If you made it through the debate without, as 5Chan would say, “An heroing”.

 Congrats!

Now for some made up rewards.

Factory

Best Impression of the Factory of Sadness

Three-way tie – Jeb Bush was flat, Rand Paul  lacks the weird charisma his father has, and Chris Christie… can a New York/New Jersey politician run on something other than 9/11? That strategy killed Giuliani’s run.

COWBOYS

Best Impression of the Dallas Cowboys

Marco Rubio – Strong opening remarks, but then fell into the background afterwards.

no chance

Best Performance IMHO Which Means He Has No Chance of Winning This Thing

John Kasich – He was funny begging Trump for money when others balked. His answer to “What if your child was gay” question was on point. He effectively made his points. So he will not win.

perry

Best Rick Perry Impersonator

Ben Carson –  Dear lord he looked like a deer in headlights all night long.

books

Most Likely To Be Running Just To Sell a Book

Mike Huckabee – He just sucks

STOP

This Person Does Know The President Can’t Do That Award

Ted Cruz –  His closing statement was a rip off of Gingrich in 2012 “My first day in office I will blah blah blah” and went on to list things he wouldn’t be able to do.

balls

Biggest Balls Tonight

Trump- He didn’t give a fuck and it was entertaining, like a living PFTCommentator article.

404

The Person I Forgot Was Even Up There

Scott Walker – I tuned him out I couldn’t even of told  you what he said up there. I had to look up who I was missing because that is how little Scott Walker registered with me.

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Jethro

I am a prof. in ohio. Kasich is bad news. He is old fashioned, hates unions repub. Just…not a good guy.

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Sep

My favorite part of the debate last night was all these numbnuts telling what they would do to “make this country great again” without telling anyone how they would make that happen.

Except for Rand Paul. He’s going to balance the Federal Budget using a Dora The Explorer coloring book with a brown Crayola crayon, apparently.

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Duchess

Fox News was full into how can we destroy Trump mode

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Horatio Cornblower

Whoa, whoa, whoa. NONE of the Republicans will be using a brown crayon for anything.

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Lothar of the Hill People

Scat Walker won by not appearing to be there. He’s the wallpaper–if you notice it, it’s because it’s offensive and stupid. He just wants to get through the debates in one piece, because he’s got enough money behind him to win with negative ad buys against his one or two remaining opponents. He’s not for stuff; he’s against stuff. It’s the basic GOP stance, but he takes it to an extreme.

Trump will win all these cattle-call debates because they aren’t platforms for policy discussions. They’re popularity contests. Put Trump in a format where he has to articulate actual policy objectives, and he’ll fall flat. So when it’s Trump, Jeb!, maybe Rubio (for some reason, I keep thinking that he’ll survive a while), Huckabee, and Walker, Trump will flop and the Tea Partiers will go for Huckabee. Now that I’m awake, I’m betting a Jeb!/Huckabee pairing is the probably GOP ticket.

I can hope for Trump to win the nomination, but if I’m wishing, I’ll take the Bears in the Super Bowl instead.

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...

I suspect that Trump will drop out before any policy-articulating debates since he’ll have absorbed all the #brand benefit he can get from this farce of his.

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King Hippo

Wow, we have so many peeps now that I’m not the only one awake in the morning (EST)!

Game theory is one of my poker playin’ brain’s happy places, and I am currently mapping out in my addled head what I think would be the end result of a three-way (sorry for the visual) amongst Hillary, JEB!, and Trump, which I am pretty sure is where this Hunter S. Thompson gonzo tribute is headed.

I mean, I know Hillary wins, but what “red” states go where?

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Doktor Zymm

I’m thinking a fun drinking game would be to take Bill’s 1992 electoral vote and drink whenever she takes a state that he also took!

I would watch a three-way debate between Perot, Bloomburg and Trump.

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Cuntler

A better question is how many interns will Bill bang as “first lady”?

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Lothar of the Hill People

I don’t think Trump seriously runs 3rd-party. He’ll do like Perot and say he’s doing it, and then bow out because of some bullshit reason, and then come back at the last minute, just to sell books or promote a new show or casino. He won’t win any states, but he’ll siphon enough support away from Jeb! to give Hillary 45+ states. Jeb! won’t even win Florida.

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King Hippo

FWIW, this is a good summary of last night’s events by a Southern Demmycrat like myself (but he offers behind the curtain expertise as a political pro, unlike myself):

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/cafe/fox-news-control-over-gop-debates

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Enrico Pallazzo

Chris Christie looked like he was jonesing for a ten pound plate of gabbagool.

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Doktor Zymm

Yep, this is about right. It looks like Kaisch is one of the consensus winners of the debate, so he’ll probably dip in the polls. I seem to recall him saying things about God being in favor of helping the poor, so no way that resonates with Republicans.

Also, I didn’t realize how creepy I find Rand Paul until last night. I think he reminds me of some asshole at a bar who would hit on me by incorrectly trying to explain my field of graduate study to me, based off of some article he read on the internet. Yes sir, you sure taught me a thing or two about this field I’ve been studying in depth for years!

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King Hippo

Yeah, Kasich not only said that about the poors, but he said that to the trophy wife of one of the bagmen at a Koch conference.

Needless to say, he ain’t been invited back.

Don’t expect a whole lot of logical consistency from a bunch of charlatans who take some CLEARLY poetic language to indicate (against all science and reason) that dinosaurs and man must have walked the earth together BECAUSE BIBLE LITERAL! But the scores of time Jesus goes on rants about poverty and social justice, he clearly must have really meant “poor in spirit” because SHUT UP LIBTARD!!!

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Lothar of the Hill People

It’s so sad that Kasich appears practically progressive compared to the other candidates. This is the guy who passed sales taxes on haircuts so he could cut state income taxes for the wealthy. The guy who tried to roll back unions and got slapped down when his job approval was over 60%.

The guy who in a public speaking engagement, called a cop an “idiot” for pulling him over for speeding.

He’s so steeped in GOP white privilege he’s far to the right of the GOP Jesus (Reagan), but he’s portrayed in the media as a “moderate.”

Jebus, I’m glad he doesn’t have a chance at the nomination. He might get some centrist independents to vote for him. I want the GOP clown to be such a right winger that the GOP dies a horrible death in 2016.

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Duchess

So do most of the moderate/centralist republicans. Hell, I have conservative friends who think this group sucks and won’t vote for them.

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...

Rand Paul is pretty much the face of mansplaining.

And Kaisch was a product of relative perception. He appeared sane and, dare I say it, centrist only because everyone else had moved so far to the right of him. He’d have done nicely in 1988 or 1992.

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Grummmmble

I’d trust Trump as president more than 6 or 7 of the other candidates up there.

Which says a whole hell of a lot about them, of course.

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King Hippo

oh, he definitely doesn’t have a hidden agenda.

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Duchess

Part of me is thinking he is up there to kind of clear the deck by out tea parting the tea party.

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Old School Zero

I didn’t watch the debate.

What do I win?

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Sep

You get to keep part of your sanity and the brain cells you would’ve killed watching it.

Congratulations, you gain an extra night of binge drinking!

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Old School Zero

I cashed that prize in early, and on the work dime today.

HOT TIP: bicycling on 12 oz of a 9% beer is not recommended.

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...

Your skull remains intact.

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ballsofsteelandfury

BTW, LOVE the pop-up!

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ballsofsteelandfury

I really thought the “I’m only here to sell shit” award was going to be a tie between Huckabee and Trump.

Trump really gives no fucks, which is fun, but he’s not doing any favors to the party. I mean, pointing out that you can basically buy politicians on national tv probably won’t go over well. It’s true, but I’m not sure the Republican Party might want that said out loud at their own debate.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Trump:Republican Party :: Al Czervik: Bushwood.

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Duchess

Part of the reason why I used Trumps book on top… He’s in it for himself for sure. However, he is more entertaining than Huckabee and showed his teeth. His remarks on buying and selling does reach the far right because the whole “I’m not beholden to anyone but me and these people here come to people like me to get money and they do I get favors” is a good primary tactic.

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