There are currently two big class action lawsuit settlements that are being kindly swept under the rug. The first involves former NFL players suing the NFL for injury from Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, or CTE for short. The second is the class action lawsuit against NASDAQ over the Facebook IPO fiasco.
CTE is a brain disorder that can only be 100% diagnosed after the person suffering from it has died. Symptoms of CTE includes memory loss, confusion, impaired judgment, impulse control problems, aggression, depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, Parkinson’s, and, eventually, progressive dementia. A player gets CTE from concussions and multiple blows to the head.
If you have never had a concussion before, well, good for you because they suck. I know I have received at least two in my football “career”. I say “at least two” because those are the only ones I know I have had, as you can not even be aware you’ve had a concussion.
The worst one occurred in Austin, Texas, where I played high school football for a team that eventually became a perennial dynasty in Texas 5A. The key was that A.) I left and B.) they started doing what all the top high school teams do; recruit. It occurred during a scrimmage, which I joke had a higher attendance than the 98% of my division III college football games. I was an agile DT and it was 2nd down. I noticed my top snap was not staying on. Before the next play, I turned to my teammate to ask for help, and he told me he couldn’t because the snap had broken off, and there was a crack on my helmet. So I did what all Football players do, and said “fuck it I’ll get it fixed after we make these assholes punt.”
After the series was over I sprinted off the field like a true gritty player would, and got the team a manager to check the helmet. During this time, a began to feel dizzy. The medical staff examined me asked me how I was doing. I remember seeing a rainbow-colored ribbon in my field of vision. I got the brief nickname of Batman because, this happened right around the time of that Snickers commercial that made fun of concussions on the football field. Needless to say, I did not return to the game.
The following week was like I was living in a dream world. The concussion happened on Friday night and Saturday morning I was taking part in film study and special teams walk-through. Medical staff told me not to practice and to take it easy. They conveniently do not work on Saturdays, so when I reminded the coach of this, he barked back that it’s just a walk-through and conditioning, so “shut up and get in position.” I lined up on punt return as a blocking dummy for the punting team. The kick went off with a boom, and I turned around and bolted towards it. Chasing it down and leaping onto it like I was recovering the fumble. I didn’t know why I was doing it I just did. Needless to say, I didn’t return to practice that day or the rest of the week.
I know I could have CTE. And unlike Big Ben, who went riding without a helmet, crashed, and woke up an “alleged” sexual predator, I have yet to see any changes in my personality. No loss of cognitive skills, or bouts of depression, or other symptoms that Junior Seau and multiple living ex-football players show. Had I been an NFL player, I would probably have a better chance of collecting money from the $1 billion settlement offer than Seau and his family do.
See, the settlement doesn’t look at behavior changes, depression, or even memory loss. It’s purpose is to help players who show signs of dementia. It is estimated that the settlement offer may only apply to 17% of the 21,000 former players who are a part of the class action lawsuit.
Just like the Facebook settlement. In 2012, I had a few dollars that I was playing the market with, and I decided to try to buy stock in the Facebook IPO. Just playing around, I bought ten shares. The NASDAQ transactions messed up so much that I ended up losing about $150 in the exchange. I didn’t know that a class action lawsuit was filed. I just received a notice saying there was a settlement offer I need to sign. The settlement is for $26.5 million to be divided by the number of shares held at the time. Twenty-six and a half million is a lot of money. So I am happy to announce the settlement offer is for $0.0155 per share purchased. A total of $0.155 back!
I bring up these two high-profile settlements because they are both utter bullshit. The NFL puts out a billion dollar offer full well knowing that it won’t help the majority of folks who need it. In fact, most of the folks in the CTE class action suit are opting out. NASDAQ throws out an offer so low in hopes that folks who may have been hurt the most won’t even bother joining in. Now I was tossing around what I considered play money and lost $150. There are people who lost a great deal of money in proportion to their savings. But every cloud has a silver lining: at least the lawyers will get their fair share.
/edit the flow of the paragraphs. ot an Edit by the Flow
The scariest thing (for me) about CTE and other results of brain-scrambling is that new research is showing that repeated concussions are not the only way you get your brain scrambled: routine, minor contact has been shown to cause changes in white matter.
So you don’t need to have a 200-lb SS drilling you in the earhole during a crackback drill to have some long-term effects. Even though you didn’t fall down, and your heartless coach for the first time in your experience told you “take a knee” while you figured out what your name was and whose shoes you were wearing, probably the repeated nutcracker drills did more damage than that concussion did.
That fed into the way the judge ruled the way they did, and guarantee you there was a discussion that said “Make the settlement a 1 billion dollars, no one can really get it, but it makes the SHIELD look good in the court of public opinion.”
Next year on HBO, Duchess stars in “Forgetful Financial Planner”
Client: “Uh, where did you invest my money?”
Duchess: “YOUR money? How can a kangaroo have money?”
Client: “…”
Duchess: “Now hop on out of here, into the rainbow, before I call elf security!”
(“Don’t You Forget About Me” plays over closing credits)
“Don’t mock that kangaroo, he taught me everything I know about the judicial process.”
– Roger Goodell
If concussions don’t give players CTE then I am sure listing to Goodell’s bullshit will.
The problem is that we, the people, have no good lobbyists. I liked what Jared Lee Loughner was pushing but — as is always the case — the powers that be felt threatened so they threw him in jail.
Talk about click bait. I came here to read about Jamestown and Plymouth.
There’s some new research into what happened to Roanoke.
Nicely done. The personal touch really brings home the message, Batman!
I could have gone on but maybe for a rainy day I will talk about my experiences coaching little league football and going through “Heads Up training”
I REALLY want to hear how much BS that was!
After extensive research, the NFL has concluded that CTE has not once occurred in one brain that participated in the NFL’s Heads Up (For Whatever???) Program.
I hope I never get sued period, but I *really* hope I never get sued by the government. My wife is working on an SEC case right now and the endgame for the client is basically LOSE = government gets all his money and WIN = his attorneys get all his money.
Lawsuits are the most efficient government program. If it gets as far as Uncle Sam knocking you’re pretty much screwed.