Sixth Round Draft Pick Ends Jets Quarterback Controversy

Courtesy:
Pictured: Artist Rendering of Ikemefuna Enemkpali’s Handiwork

In a move likely to save improve Fitz?  Really? WHAT THE FUCK? make absolutely no difference whatsoever to the Jets season, Linebacker Ikemefuna Enemkpali ended the Jets’ most intriguing pre-season storyline.  Enemkpali, the Jets’ 2015 6th Round Draft Pick, ended the QB Controversy when he reportedly sucker punched Geno Smith in the locker room, fracturing Smith’s jaw.  Smith is now expected to miss 6-10 weeks.

The Jets now turn their offense over to former Texans, Titans, Bills, Bengals, Rams journeyman Quarterback and Harvard graduate Ryan Fitzpatrick, who is best known for graduating from Harvard.  Fitzpatrick has thrown 101 interceptions in 97 career games* and was signed by the Jets in the offseason as a result of Brian Hoyer refusing to sign with the Jets and instead, signing with the Texans, necessitating Fitzpatrick’s release.  That is the saddest sentence this Jets fan has ever written.

Enemkpali was promptly released after the altercation.  In his brief career, Enemkpali was one of the most historically successful Jets draft picks, recording 0 games played and 0 tackles.

 

 

*Fitz played in two games where he likely just kneeled down or was the holder for the kicker.  I don’t know…look it up yourself if your so goddamned interested.

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trollsoharduniversity
Attorney, Funnyman, Dick-Joke Artist. One day I may refuse to save your life.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

People with glass jaws should not take pun………. shit, can’t do it……… here’s a gif.

http://31.media.tumblr.com/b935c5429b101dd5ec2077942bc459da/tumblr_mf3jp9tYLr1r1wzb3o1_500.gif

IronAvenger6491

So…is this good news or great news?

as far as being an entertaining trainwreck.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is anyone doing a Hard Knocks Liveblog on here tonight? I have absolutely no idea who is on it but I would probably be in to watch it (Texans, I guess, just googled it, ::slowly backs out of room:: ::slinks back in::) I am totally in

Cuntler

So the Jets have the broken jawbone of an ass? They should trade for Samson Satele.

makeitsnowondem

That’s some good Bible.

Cuntler

Or maybe a Dead song. Either way, some story made up for profit

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Jets reached out to Sexy Rexy but won’t sign him because he’s injured. SO CLOSE.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Via 1 random twitter RT: Jets are looking into Sexy Rexy but he suffered an injury in training. I am assuming sprained penis.

blaxabbath

Joining Grumblelord for a spit roast?

/ugh

Curse of Marino

*Jaw breaks open*

scotchnaut

Reporter: Why did you punch him?

Enemkpali: There’s a bonus in my contract. If the Jets get to 6 wins I get an extra 10K. I

All the Farts

Enemkpali becomes a falcon so he can
FALCON PUNCH.

entropy

OK. I am a Jets fan (yeah, yeah) and while my posting on KS was pretty light, you guys made me laugh enough that finding DFO made my fucking week.

Now, I’m not sure if I’m happy or sad. Geno showed flashes of mediocrity in the preseason this year, and Fitz is, well… Fitz. Fucking hell this is going to be a long goddamn season.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

We’re glad to have ya!

But really, does Geno Smith being hurt make the season worse? And I’ve had Sam Bradford’s ghost at QB for 2 years, so I’m legitimately curious.

Curse of Marino

soooo status quo for you guys?

Covalent Blonde

You never know, Fitzmagic might be growing extra special plays in the portable biome that is his facial hair?
comment image

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I’d call this the worst case of a guy with an unpronounceable name destroying a Jet in New York, but…well, you know.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

W-O-W

blaxabbath

::Uproxx editor takes screengrab::

“I thought I was reading a story about Geno Smith. When I finished reading this comment, I had to know more!”

::Post::

whorootbeerdatbe

“The Internet Reacts to Geno Smith’s Injury”

*Posts a dozen clips from other sites*
*Collects paycheck*
*Complains about DFO on Twitter*

ballsofsteelandfury

Uproxx literally just did this for real. I can’t make that up.

Curse of Marino

broken jaws cant melt steel beams

Horatio Cornblower

Please tell me you’re Earl the Squirrel.

Earl ‏@The_Squirrel_ 2h2 hours ago
I’d call this the worst case of a guy with an unpronounceable name destroying a Jet in New York, but…well, you know.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Correct on both counts, sirs.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh good, I was afraid we had another Pelican Pierre outbreak on the Twitters. Instead you just have TOO MANY NAMES!!!

http://screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/Too-Many-Cooks-Smarf.jpeg

Lothar of the Hill People

Shit, KOTW.

blaxabbath

Damn it! I knew in the time it took for my image to upload, someone else would make a post.

And that it would be better than mine.

::Stomps off to take down post and promises to open own site with blackjack and hookers::

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Before you take it down, we could combine it with TSHU’s post – I hate to see your work go to waste.

blaxabbath

Would be super.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Let’s have two; I want to hear………….

your side of the story.

UDFA

I cannot hear or read the name Ryan Fitzpatrick without immediately thinking “and Patrick fits Ryan”
Is this some new disease?
Is it boogie fever?

whorootbeerdatbe

It’s called “Jetslexia.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not to break our arms jerking ourselves off, but it’s nice to see everyone getting back into commenting shape as the season looms.

Cuntler

“Now you tell me.” – Eddie Griffin

montythisseemsstrangetome

I told you guys, THAT’S NOT HOW I BROKE MY ARM.

Enrico Pallazzo

I’m not your EnemkPALi, guy. I’m not your guy, friend. I’m not your friend, EnemkPALi.

Kungjitsu

Maybe this is a good thing. Michael Corleone’s career didn’t take off until he got his jaw broken.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I saw his brains.”

– Jenn Sterger

Beerguyrob

Sounds like time for the further adventures of Shonn Greene’s empty locker. If we can’t have the real story, invention will just have to do.

I’m sure Silky’s in there somewhere.

Sep

Geno Smith’s Wired Jaw: “…..”

sunrisesunrise

Very eloquently put.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think we found our newest kharacter dfoharacter…persdfonality…um…

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

DFOotballer?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Doork?

Lothar of the Hill People

“Kissing Suzy Kolber” becomes “Punching Geno Smith”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Rumor has it that alcohol played a role in the incident.

http://asetniop.com/Random/coldcock.jpg

sunrisesunrise

Why’s it gotta be malt liquor, huh? Why couldn’t it be this?
http://www.coldcockwhiskey.com/res/img/bottle.png

MikeMartzColorsDontRun

HERBAL FLAVORED WHISKEY? holy shit the idea of that pretentious hipster assjuice makes *me* want to punch someone in the jaw

sunrisesunrise

Hey, at least they’re using American herbs. No foreign herbs allowed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Those furinurs is takin’ our herbs!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I believe the Irish hippy that came up with it could kick your ass

…….. but would want to talk it out first with some free samples.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I remember coldcock whiskey signs popping up all over the place during one Vegas trip. It was kind of eerie.

sunrisesunrise

They’re up all over San Diego. I refuse to try it.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I have yet to see those. I feel the need to apologize in advance to whoever is near me when that happens, because I’m going to turn into an expletive volcano.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If you are self-righteously angered by…. herbal whiskey….. there are underlying issues, brother.

whorootbeerdatbe

Good hustle on that headline.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, that was great work!

laserguru

This would have been a Hard Knocks Emmy award moment if only they had chosen the Jest instead of the uh.. The.. Who did they choose again?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think they’re doing it this year.

ballsofsteelandfury

Some team so forgettable that HBO is letting everyone see Hard Knocks for free.

ssi_bulldawg

Jets are gonna Jet

BrettFavresColonoscopy
SonOfSpam

This could really change the Jets’ season. They might go 5-11 instead of 4-12 or possibly the other way around ha ha they really suck.

SonOfSpam

Geno Smith: “Hey, Ikemefuna…did you know your last name is an anagram for ‘Milk a peen?’ That’s some funny shit, right?”

jjfozz

Let’s get this handsome motherfucker back under center:

comment image?w=620&h=349&crop=1

whorootbeerdatbe

If it gets him out of the announcing booth, I’m all for it.

Lothar of the Hill People

Smith’s real weakness was is inability to digest the complexities of an NFL playbook.

Something that will be easier now that he has to ingest all his food through a straw.

Lothar of the Hill People

*his

Spur

From reddit
comment image:large

...

New game: What controversial topic triggered the attempted Geno-cide?

(My vote is obviously greatest prime minsters.)

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The estate tax.

Lothar of the Hill People

Is Donald Trump a Democratic plant engineered by Bill Clinton to torpedo the GOP’s chances?

SonOfSpam

Zayn vs. Liam

makeitsnowondem

pokemon

Cuntler

Since it was something that sixth graders argue about (per Bowles), it had to do with boobs. Or boobs. But definitely boobs.

whorootbeerdatbe

Britta vs. Annie

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I was gonna post just a Gillian one to make it even, Found this first instead. I am ok with this.

http://img005.lazygirls.info/people/avatar/avatar_alison_brie_gillian_jacobs_kyUfj0bI.sized.gif

...

White/gold vs. blue/black

BrettFavresColonoscopy

If you read the playbook left to right or right to left.

Spanky Datass

Possession of a certain empty locker.

Why yes, I am repeating myself … repeating myself.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Which team the quarterback is supposed to throw to.

nomonkeyfun

The seminal Supreme Court case of Smelt it v. Dealt it

ballsofsteelandfury

Heh heh, seminal

PhilSimmsKentuckyMethCookbook

It’s north Jersey. So it’s either the best way to avoid Route 3 or whether to fold a slice of pizza or not.

Spur

Mike Vick is still on the Jets, yes?

Lothar of the Hill People

I think now Smith can get back to his fall-back career.

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5ZxH76Q6nRc/hqdefault.jpg

Doktor Zymm

8/11 WAS AN INSIDE JOB

SonOfSpam

One punch is not enough to melt a jawbone.

...

Counterpoint: this is one case when Jet fuel is a totally plausible cause of a catastrophe.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Solution

http://sportsnaut.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/orton_drunk.gif

All my solutions involve whiskey, so take it for what it is.

Spur

Jet fans are totally buying this guys jersey (until NFL.com stops letting fans make them).

You know, it was a matter of time before one of the Jets defensive players snapped and tried to solve the Geno problem.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

So, is this a good day or a bad day?

pooperscooper

Its a Jets Day. The Jetsiest Day ever.

I was sort of hoping the Jets would distract from the waking-death that is the Bills backfield. On the other hand, I have a Ghost of Empty Lockers Past post rattling around in my head, so “mixed”