Haht of Dahkness: Down the Masshole

Here we are: standing on the cusp of another season of Football.  It seemed like the offseason stupidity might never end, but unless the world explodes between now and the start of tonight’s game, it has indeed concluded.  And all we have to endure is an NBC pregame show where Peter King, Tony Dungy, and Rodney Harrison will give their takes on Ballghazi after which the Patriots will have their championship* banner raised in front of their fans.

My name is Troll-So-Hard University and I am a Jets fan who just moved to Boston.  And I’m telling you that it’s hard being a minority here:

I’ve been trying to figure out what the worst thing is about the Ballghazi ruling and the ESPN Outside the Lines report being released so close together.  The Pats fans have been more obnoxious than normal. They seem to think that the ruling has somehow vindicated Brady and proved beyond a reasonable doubt that he didn’t cheat.  In their minds, the ruling somehow legitimizes all of their Super Bowl Victories* and takes credibility away from any accusations of malfeasance.

This is of course, not true.  Not that you can convince anyone around here otherwise.  My opinion is that at the very least, Brady knew what was going on, he knew that it was against the rules, and he is guilty of this very minor offense.  I tried talking about this opinion with some of the people in my new office.  The overwhelming response was: “NOPE. HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG AT ALL EVER.  I DON’T BELIEVE IT.” There’s no rational thought behind this. It’s like talking to a 9/11 truther or a Trump supporter, only less reasonable.

I am also of the opinion that the Ginger Hammer’s punishment and appeal ruling were way out of line and not consistent with the Collective Bargaining Agreement.  My happiness that Judge Berman laid the judicial smackdown on Goodell and the NFL puts me on the same side as Patriots fans, but for all the wrong reasons.  It reminds me of the time I was sitting at a bar watching an Eagles game.  At one point, I said  “Man, Donovan McNabb sucks.”  I thought that was a pretty reasonable statement.  Apparently, the Eagles fan sitting next to me agreed because he then said  “YEAH, FUCK THAT [N-WORD]!”  We agreed that McNabb wasn’t good, but, we didn’t really agree on why.

It’s mildly amusing that a judge from New York is now one of the most popular guys in all of New England right now.  That guy could come up for a visit and not pick up a check anywhere from Hartford to Bar Harbour.

Judge Richard Berman gets free pizza for LIFE! #TomBrady #DeflateGate

— Papa Gino's (@PapaGinos) September 3, 2015

I’m fairly certain that “Berman” is going to be a popular name for babies this year.  If Chris Berman finally keels over, all of this might have been worth it.

For better or for worse, football is back.  Enjoy the games everyone.  I might try going to a bar in my Wayne Chrebet jersey this weekend.  If you don’t hear from me by Monday night, tell my wife that I love her.