DFO News: The Mailbag is Returning!

The Maestro
Follow me:

The Maestro

The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn’t in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
The Maestro
Follow me:

Latest posts by The Maestro (see all)

Some good news after our first full suite of Week 1 games has now concluded: after some chatting amongst ourselves in our secret DFOverlords lair, I’m extremely pleased to announce that the mailbag will be making its return to the internet this week!

Like many of us who were frequent visitors to our parent site over at U*****x, I was always enamored of Captain Caveman’s/Matt Ufford’s work on it each week. I can only hope that we can continue to do this fine tradition justice and keep submissions rolling in.

There are still some final details to be worked out, but overall I believe it will be staying on the same writing schedule as it was at KSK: submissions will be open from now until Thursday at 11 PM EST, and the article will be up hopefully by about noon Friday morning.

Please submit all your questions about fantasy football, your sex lives, marital relations, and other related inquiries to dfo.submissions@gmail.com. Reminder that a question that fails to include one of these two options must be replaced by a picture of a beautiful human – preferably female, though I do understand if your sexual preferences differ from my own.

Lastly – we are in need of a name for this new weekly feature – let’s hear your suggestions and thoughts below in the comments section!

The Maestro
The Maestro
The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn't in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/author/the-maestro/
Please Login to comment
10 Comment threads
14 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
14 Comment authors
Brick MeathookMoose -The End Is Well NighHoratio CornblowerSenor WeaseloOsamaBenJarvus Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I hate my older brothers and my dad. I like my mom, but not in a weird way. Please help me, Mike.

http://i.imgur.com/fUPEl6t.png

Senor Weaselo

How about Uncle DFO’s Family Mailbag?

ThePirateSloth
ThePirateSloth

Everything is the same as KSK!1!11!!1!1! Except for the content, and the banner image, and the authors, and the background image, and the editors, and the jokes, and the witticisms, and the dicks, and the fonts, and the ad revenue, and the color scheme, and the anal questions, and the Patriots winning, and the hatred of sports fans, and the award winning writing.

Outside of that, everything is exactly the fucking same. So I say good day to you sirs, good day.

OsamaBenJarvus
OsamaBenJarvus

Dear Mailbag,

How many digits can I blow off and still be an effective defender?

Sincerely,
Mangled in Miami

Senor Weaselo

This made me think “Make it a fake mailbag” but there’s already dozens of those too.

blaxabbath

“Someone say Male Bag?”

-Aaron Rogers

Cuntler

Dear DFO:

So this is just generic KSK now? Okay. Noted. Have fun, kids.

packman_jon

I LOVE HUGE PENISES

packman_jon

Someone edited my post

makeitsnowondem

But you do love huge penises, right?

packman_jon

I love having one

Wakezilla

Speak for yourself. I’m starting to have pelvis problems because mine is so big and girthy. I think I might get a reduction.

OsamaBenJarvus
OsamaBenJarvus

That’s why I love my micropenis. I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER.

Horatio Cornblower

Mine’s so huge I’ve been dead for these last three years.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

in your………… BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
packman_jon

Dear DFO,

How do I ask my long distance girlfriend for anal? I want to ask the universe

ThePirateSloth
ThePirateSloth

Is she a gun carrying, hot Asian chick? If so, you won’t need to ask, she’ll demand it.

Enrico Pallazzo

Why haven’t the Eagles fired Chip Jelly yet?

blaxabbath

He’s also the Texas AD, right?

Lothar of the Hill People
Lothar of the Hill People

The Mail Scrotum?

You know, a wrinkly sack full of scary stuff?

Horatio Cornblower

Dear DFO:

Should I start Tim Tebow as a half-back/TE this week, trusting in the Lord that he will a) actually be on an NFL team and b) do well? Also, how do I get my long-distance girlfriend* to do anal?

Sincerely,

Nat Turner.

*She lives in the Niagara Falls area; you wouldn’t know her.

monty this seems strange to me

Dear Nat, your first mistake is trusting in the Lord. He never fails to disappoint. Secondly, forget it with that chick. I think I know the one you’re talking about and she wouldn’t do shit for me. She’s probably a lesbian.

blaxabbath

Is this Russell Wilson presents, The Mailbag?