Some good news after our first full suite of Week 1 games has now concluded: after some chatting amongst ourselves in our secret DFOverlords lair, I’m extremely pleased to announce that the mailbag will be making its return to the internet this week!
Like many of us who were frequent visitors to our parent site over at U*****x, I was always enamored of Captain Caveman’s/Matt Ufford’s work on it each week. I can only hope that we can continue to do this fine tradition justice and keep submissions rolling in.
There are still some final details to be worked out, but overall I believe it will be staying on the same writing schedule as it was at KSK: submissions will be open from now until Thursday at 11 PM EST, and the article will be up hopefully by about noon Friday morning.
Please submit all your questions about fantasy football, your sex lives, marital relations, and other related inquiries to [email protected]. Reminder that a question that fails to include one of these two options must be replaced by a picture of a beautiful human – preferably female, though I do understand if your sexual preferences differ from my own.
Lastly – we are in need of a name for this new weekly feature – let’s hear your suggestions and thoughts below in the comments section!
I hate my older brothers and my dad. I like my mom, but not in a weird way. Please help me, Mike.
http://i.imgur.com/fUPEl6t.png
How about Uncle DFO’s Family Mailbag?
Everything is the same as KSK!1!11!!1!1! Except for the content, and the banner image, and the authors, and the background image, and the editors, and the jokes, and the witticisms, and the dicks, and the fonts, and the ad revenue, and the color scheme, and the anal questions, and the Patriots winning, and the hatred of sports fans, and the award winning writing.
Outside of that, everything is exactly the fucking same. So I say good day to you sirs, good day.
Dear Mailbag,
How many digits can I blow off and still be an effective defender?
Sincerely,
Mangled in Miami
This made me think “Make it a fake mailbag” but there’s already dozens of those too.
“Someone say Male Bag?”
-Aaron Rogers
Dear DFO:
So this is just generic KSK now? Okay. Noted. Have fun, kids.
I LOVE HUGE PENISES
Someone edited my post
But you do love huge penises, right?
I love having one
Speak for yourself. I’m starting to have pelvis problems because mine is so big and girthy. I think I might get a reduction.
That’s why I love my micropenis. I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER.
Mine’s so huge I’ve been dead for these last three years.
in your………… BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT.
http://media.giphy.com/media/ql8pzHvEvRn4A/giphy.gif
Dear DFO,
How do I ask my long distance girlfriend for anal? I want to ask the universe
Is she a gun carrying, hot Asian chick? If so, you won’t need to ask, she’ll demand it.
Why haven’t the Eagles fired Chip Jelly yet?
He’s also the Texas AD, right?
The Mail Scrotum?
You know, a wrinkly sack full of scary stuff?
Dear DFO:
Should I start Tim Tebow as a half-back/TE this week, trusting in the Lord that he will a) actually be on an NFL team and b) do well? Also, how do I get my long-distance girlfriend* to do anal?
Sincerely,
Nat Turner.
*She lives in the Niagara Falls area; you wouldn’t know her.
Dear Nat, your first mistake is trusting in the Lord. He never fails to disappoint. Secondly, forget it with that chick. I think I know the one you’re talking about and she wouldn’t do shit for me. She’s probably a lesbian.
Is this Russell Wilson presents, The Mailbag?