So much football has been consumed, and we aren’t even 10% into the regular season. Doesn’t that feel good? Let it sink in, deep into your soul…
Now, on to your early Saturday Premier League apertif! Schedule spacing is most excellent this weekend, with interesting fixtures each timeslot. No reason to bother with nauseating pre-game shows of ny varietal! Track your fantasy injury status updates online and don’t let the chatterbox “experts” make you second guess yourself into panic moves you will regret. Enjoy the Lesser Footy, it totes won’t make you gay. OK, not more than a little.
7:45 EST brings the classic London Derby of Arsenal/Chelski. Whilst Arsenal is in their happy/safe place in the table (4th, they basically live there), you have to scroll way the fuck down to find the Russian mob money side…in 17th. One place from the relegation zone, thanks to having their pants pulled down by Everton last weekend. It won’t last, but it’s still fucking hilarious. Karma’s a bitch, “special one” – now eat shit and die, already.
Stay on NBCSN for Everton/Swans at 10, in what should be an entertaining, progressive matchup (and easily the best game in that window). I am a little worried my Blues could have a bit of emotional hangover, plus RB Seamus Coleman might not play. Everton does not have a “major league ready” backup RB. Gulp. West Ham (currently sitting in 5th on 9 points) is next in line for the hurricane that is Manchester City (runaway 1st on a perfect 15), 12:30 on NBCSN.
Sunday Funday! You gotta flip to USA Network for the good early game (Tottenham/Palace, 8:30), followed by the late shit game (Liverpool/Norwich). NBCSN joins in the fun late and hungover at 11, but with the best game of the day by far, Southampton vs. Manchester United. A great opportunity for the Saints to vault back into “interesting top half of the table team” status after a sluggish start. I have a feeling they will come good this weekend.
Everyone ready for some HAWT JV action now? Well, hawt is overselling it more than a little. But footbaw is footbaw:
Connecticut at Missouri (12:00, ESPN)
The Fightin’ Horatios invade Columbia (no, the other, other one) in a crucial battle between two undefeated teams absolutely nobody believes to be any good. Well, I’m sure their mothers think they are absolutely wonderful young men,
Northwestern at Duke (12:30, ACC Network/ESPN3)
Georgia Tech at Notre Dame (3:30, NBC)
This game will make your eyes bleed, and I really despise both head coaches intensely. That said, it’s two Top 15 teams and could have national implications. I probably will have to flip to it at least occasionally. But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Auburn at LSU (3:30, CBS)
This game looked way the fuck more interesting before last weekend happened. Maybe the game will surprise us, but these teams look pretty derpy to me, particularly on offense. But there’s a lot of shit in this window. I mean, Northern Illinois at tOSU is a goddamned national broadcast. I really hate the world sometimes. OK, most of the time. OK, almost all of the time.
Florida at Kentucky (7:30, SECN)
This has “wildly entertaining shitshow” written all over it. I’m mildly annoyed I will be stuck watching NC State/Old Dominion on an old-timey syndicated starwipe network broadcast instead.
Stanford at USC (8:00, ABC)
Open question as to whether the Men of Troy take the Tree lightly and let them hang around for a half, or ass-blast them right out of the gate. I will defer to Martin’s take, should he decide to weigh in on the matter.
Ole Miss at Alabama (9:15, ESPN)
Hey, it only took 9+ hours to get to the kickoff of an actually compelling matchup between two good teams. It’s at Roll Damn Tide though, without Johnny Reb good luck charm Katy Perry. Edge to Nick Saban, which will make him scowl terrifyingly.
BYU at UCLA (10:30, FS1)
DVR the shit out of this game, non-West Coasters/insomniacs/tweakers. Perhaps the most interesting JV footy contest of the slate. I want to know how good the Bruins might possibly be, and whether the Stormin’ Mormons can pull another late win out of their magic underwear covered collective ass.
no fucking way
Iowa going for 57-yd FG.
I AM JANUS
http://davy.potdevin.free.fr/Site/pics/gods/janus-big.gif
BUCS BLOW THE LEAD FUUUUUUU
Darkest Timeline. Small Bears.
Man, I cannot get to my figurative ‘unabomber cabin in the woods’ fucking fast enough.
I’ve just been informed to expect moar damn visitors tomorrow.
Guess what time their ETA is? YES!!! 1 fucking pm. Are you fricking kidding me????
One must literally TRY to be that goddamned disruptive to other people’s lives. I mean, holy shit!!!
/ok end rant
ICE UP, SON!
I spent a good part of the week clearing out the old man leftbehinds. Not to mention the old man stank. Trying to accelerate the process. I can no longer deal. Seriously about to snap my gourd.
Just don’t go around punching pregnant babies. People tend to frown on that.
PITT TIES IT UP WOOOOOOOOOOOO
Bama is going to pull this out.
STILL ALIVE
Pittsburgh has to be better than Des Moines.
Doesn’t it?
White-guy hurdledown. I’m impressed.
Over/under on the number of puppies Saban will murder at the half? 7.5
I think you’re off by a decimal point. O/U 75.
He’s in.
Is it just me, or is the motion that the Bama ladyfolk use to shake their pompoms a dead ringer for that of a disinterested handy?
I’d really like to claim no knowledge of such things, but sadly, there have been nights.
Are you close yet?
SHUT UP AND KEEP GOING!!!!!
DON’T YOU LOOK AT ME!!!!
Seriously, does the disinterested one not know that the nagging breaks the concentration of our imagination? Believe us, we are TRYING to get it over with, too.
Reminds me of the Jim Jefferies bit.
+1 coke wank?
Yup. That one and the male fake orgasm too.
You know what’d be great? TWO cocks in my ass!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbvrGiL_s70
Zee Men of Troy are screwing the pooch every bit as much as Bama.
You obviously got one of those Southren abstinence only educations.
Crap fucking bullshit idiocy by Pitt coaches.
Fuck you Pitt coaches, you deserve to lose by eleventy billion.
Roll Damn Tide done has a shitty QB and can’t hold onto teh kickoff any better than a greased pig.
No clue how long of a book ‘Roo will write in response, but at least I’m pleased with myself for attempting to halt the spread of neo-fascism in America….much like Annie in “Field of Dreams”.
Now, I gotta go build a baseball field.
And holy shit….that old fuck made me miss the Rebs open up a 2 TD lead?!?!?!?!
Now I’m really pissed.
I’ve got pork tenderloins brining overnight at 1/3 water, 1/3 salt, 1/6 honey, 1/6 apple cider.
Going to wrap them in Boar’s Head extra thick bacon and smoke them at 200 for about four hours.
MURKAN LOMO WOO
That’s an OK thing.
Hey Nebraska,
I am sorry for what I said about you tonight when I walked away from the television. You can understand that when I bet on you and you were losing by 20 when I need you to cover 3.5, the things I said were a reflection of frustration. Looking back, I was so wrong to treat you this way. If I had known you’d miraculously score 3 touchdowns in 10 minutes and cover, I would have acted totally different. I feel like a real jerk. A real jerk with more money in my pocket because of you. So it doesn’t hurt that bad. I hope we can put it behind us. I know I forgive you, so there’s that. Also corn on the cob is awesome.
Sincerely yours,
Bloody Lethal
Hooray for money!
Hooray for corn.
I like corn…
http://media.tumblr.com/1db2c62e5361801ef7454d20a874135e/tumblr_inline_mfadwjPSuu1qctkcl.jpg
Johnny Reb – 2 Legit 2 Quit? Discuss.
They’re pretty plucky so far, fo sho.
Roll Damn Tide was driving, musta turned it over again?
MOTHER PUS BUCKET
http://24.media.tumblr.com/52b1a7ed521b89fea2fb7bae2dbb8e5a/tumblr_moh0gb5DUq1qfr6udo1_500.gif
MOAST. UNCATCHABLE. BALL. EVAR. IOWA. DICKHEADS.
Give the points, take Bama.
Unless the shitty Bama shows up….like there.
held to a FG, though
Missed it. I was too busy watching our historical trey.
At least we chewed up a shitload of clock tho.
BITE OFF THE TELEGRAPH TAPE MABEL WE GOT OURSELVES A HOOOTENANNY
He was down.
Yup. He could get flagged too.
Not saying I think he should fwiw. Just that officials seems flag happy for that under chin type hit.
On the hit? Nah. QB still had possession. The only time you can unload to kill.
HOLY DESTRUCTION
All the sudden…
http://d.gr-assets.com/hostedimages/1407556281ra/10739144.gif
Pitt is so far thoroughly outclassed by this Iowa team.
http://media.giphy.com/media/cAaTcA2OxFtao/giphy.gif
28-7, huzzah I can watch Johnny Reb and Bama do a thing.
Say what?
working margin in NC State game means I can watch teh better footy contest.
I see.
Fuck sake.
Robert Gallery should be settling into Year 12 of a HOF career.
What a waste.
At least I can pretend that Iowa is the Steelers!
Iowa just honored Robert Gallery for still being alive? I guess?
That’s not good enough, OL. Not even close.
Just working out the kinks.
Yeah, that’s it.
The Denver internet said that all pre-season…
Sure am glad spending all that money to save the football program didn’t go to waste!
Princeton 33-0 Lafayette
Huzzah I haven’t passed out yet
the good games ain’t started yet, hang in brutha
I’m not your buddy, guy!
At least the defense looks good.
The Dawgs are feasting on flaccid Cock, no doubt.
No peanut butter needed.
hoo boy
NC State managed to drag themselves to 21-7, at least. So I don’t have to panic drink.
Why is Cal/Texas on Big Fox? What a fucking shit game.
/apologies to Covalent
Gonna be a long night.
GuuuuUUUS JOHNSON!!!1!! doing the play-by-play in Austin. Like that guy.
And here I am stuck with this no-name pro-Iowa Big Ten crew.
my condolences. watching your team play on BTN is truly a fucking ordeal.
LOOK OUT HAWKEYES HERE COMES THE PITTSBURGH PANTHERS JUGGERNAUT
NC State very sluggish, only up 14-7.
Fortunately, we are in the same division as the stellar BC, Louisville, and Clemson teams you saw earlier in the week.
Who’s the asshole that designed the text of the U uniforms.
They are quite Adidassholeish.
I don’t understand why thd U has been mediocre for so long, that region is a gold mine of talent
every year, they get picked to “break through” in the Coastal division, every year they go 4-4.
TIE GAME in Coral Gables.
Either way, we win.
epic choke in progress by Da U
Real question for his majesty, King Hippo:
I doubt you’ll know this, but, NC State has to be the first Power Five team to play at Old Dominion, right? I know ODU is in Conference USA, but, I can’t imagine teams like UVa or Tennessee have ever gone to Hampton.
Yes, this is the case. Was in the paper and on the pre-game lead-in.
Hopefully, not the first to lose there.
Now knotted at 7, dammit.
LSU should have started throwing because continuing to run was too mean.
Christ, even taking away that 71 yard run, he still averaged about 11 yds/carry.