This is How September Saturday Openness Ends – EPL and JV NFL Goodness

Ah, September. The most glorious month of all. Football returns. Humidity abates. This is our last Saturday full of footy. But worry not, October pretty much kicks ass too. SLEEPING WEATHER!!

But first, your EPL morning. I know you all must be heartbroken that Everton is slated for England’s version of MNF (3:00pm, NBCSN) this week. I know I am!! And it’s not that bad a matchup, I had no idea West Brom were on 8 points. I always assume they are sucking hind teat. Anyway, I digress. Manchester City plays the ass-crack of dawn (7:45 EST, NBCSN) fixture, and will take out their anger on the poor Hot Spurs of Tottenham. It’s a good test of whether City are truly mortal, or just had one of them days last week against the suddenly 3rd place Hammers (who try to avoid a trap fixture against mid-table but quite meh Norwich at 10 on Extra Time).

The main 10:00 MSNBC game is kind of a dog, 2nd place Manure against dead last Sunderland, but the team frustrated contenders have learned to call “Fuckin’ Sunderland, man” over the past two years is anything but predictable. Fortunately, USA has your back with a cracker matchup of 4th place Leicester and 5th place Arsenal.

You are free to switch to JV footy at noon this week. Woof.

Watford and Palace square off (11:00, NBCSN) in the only Sunday fixture, and that one could be well worth your time. Palace is considerably more progressive and interesting, but each side is on 9 points so far.

[JV Footy Door Flies Open]

BYU at Michigan (noon, ABC)

Have you ever seen a group of pissed off Mormons? This may be your chance. I like that mental image, combined with that of Harbaugh suffering. Worth a look-see.

Georgia Tech at Duke (noon, ESPN2)

This game will set back offense 50 or 60 years. The winner of this game will be in the driver’s seat of its division, and thus a seat in the championship game of a so-called major conference. The world, it just makes no fucking sense. Still, anyone but U*NC.

Central Florida at South Cakalaky (noon, ESPNU)

I just wanted to point out that this is a nationaly televised game. The teams’ combined record is 1-5. The only team vanquished is U*NC. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

Maryland at West By God Virginia (3:00, FS1)

This has always been, and by transitive properly, always shall be, an entertaining shitshow. Nobody fears the turtle. You think WCS ain’t gon drank?

Tennessee at Florida (3:30, CBS)

Remember when this game mattered? Yeah, I old.

TCU at Texas Tech (4:45, Fox)

I like that this game starts at such an odd time, on a major broadcast network. My brain is a strange place. TCU scored 82 on the Red Raiders last year. Guns up, indeed.

NC State at South Alabama (8:00, ESPN News)

OH YEAH! We finally made the broadcast version of the ESPN family of networks. And we get to break into full Communist mode. DOWN WITH USA!! Capitalist pig dogs!!!

UCLA at Arizona (8:00, ABC)

Wait, you wanted a REAL game to watch? Probably go with this one, then. I’m not sure if either team is any good, really. But there will probably be ample scoring.

Utah at Oregon (8:30, Fox)

Also a real game, also from the Pac 12. A good chance to see just how shitty Oregon is this season. I could see Utah really shitting all over them, if what I saw during the Sparty game is any harbinger of teh future.

USC at Arizona State (10:30, ESPN)

For young people, insomniacs, and various tweakers. I will probably DVR it, since they is no early EPL fixture.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

I can’t believe how easily ASU are giving up the ball. Normally their students want it deeper.
/Only took us a couple hours!
http://i.imgur.com/pkdbNHO.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

As a former Valley of the Sun resident, this comment makes me….

….Sooooo happy.

Eff you Sun Devils.

(though the first year I lived out there, we did live two doors down from some very fun Sun Devil Coeds….which is nice)

theeWeeBabySeamus

PS….Screw you, Herb Sendek.

Col. Duke LaCross

As a former University of Utah employee, this game is delighting me to no end.

Sill Bimmons

This game is a TD away from being a crime against humaOHSHITTHEREITIS

theeWeeBabySeamus

That made me loller.
Then again, I am still a bit tipsy.

I just wanna go on record that so far, NCSU’s beating of uSA is still worse than this one.

Impressive? Yeah, I know…. 🙁

Sill Bimmons

Is the comment system getting all cranky at anyone else?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Si

Sill Bimmons
theeWeeBabySeamus

Kanye AIN’T no mofo’ing gay fish.

WCS

GET OUT OF MY BRAIN

Senor Weaselo

Did anyone mention “Hippo called it”? Because Hippo called it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shhhhh….his head will swell. Perhaps his penis as well.

Spanky Datass

“… AND TWENTY DOLLARS FOR A FUCKED UP DUCK!!!!1!!!1”

Senor Weaselo

Wait, it’s only the 3rd in Oregon? Can the 4th be running clock?

Sill Bimmons

Holy FUCKBALLS Oregon

Sill Bimmons

Hai.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, that’s just embarrassing.

Senor Weaselo

THIS OREGON FOOTBALL TEAM, I CALL THEM MONALD MUCK BECAUSE THEY’RE A CHEAP REPRESENTATION OF A HIGHER-QUALITY PRODUCT WE EXPECT.

WCS

Head coach Senor Spielbergo

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey Ducks…what’d the five fingers say to the face???

http://youtu.be/Wp3x6l5dZp8

Senor Weaselo

Punt hits a wire, re-do the down, high snap, and Utah runs it and gets the first. Just wow.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Princess Zelda kicks more ass all the time.

Senor Weaselo

FMK: Peach, Zelda, Samus. I bang Samus, marry Zelda, kill Peach.

WCS

I have no qualms with that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bitch, you and yo sword betta get yo asses off mah Cougah hood.

WCS

Why do you hate MURKICA?

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s what’s great about the proletariat.
We can’t afford to hate anybody.

Sill Bimmons

And the rout is definitely on. 41-13 Utes.

Sill Bimmons

New Lily ad. I like Lily:

http://i.imgur.com/9dREkVn.jpg

WCS

Lily better have those tumors growing out of her forehead looked at. And probably see a dermatologist, too.

Sill Bimmons

I think those are prosthetic appliances designed to make her look like Satan.

But they could also be actinic keratoses, so she’d better have them looked at.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Forehead?

Sill Bimmons
WCS

http://i234.photobucket.com/albums/ee274/imnorthdakotansince76/kenny-powers-american-o.gif

FUCKYOUMARYLANDFUCKYOUMARYLANDFUCKYOUMARYLANDFUCKYOUMARYLAND

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sill Bimmons

Oh, please.

WCS

C’mon, buddy. Bring it in. It’s okay.

http://media.giphy.com/media/vaXnKwhc4cAQU/giphy.gif

Sill Bimmons
WCS

WCS had bitch tits.

(it’s true)

theeWeeBabySeamus

I am WCS’s sweat drenched cleavage.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Haven’t seen this much turtle hatred since………

Senor Weaselo

UCLA could be winning this game by 30 if not for the defensive holdings on picks.

Sill Bimmons

27-14 Utes at the half.

Sill Bimmons

27-13

Sill Bimmons

27-13 Utes, 1:00 left in the half. Ducks got NO defense.

Lothar of the Hill People

So I probably should’ve sobered up before I replied to my student emailing me about how he’s going to miss class Monday because his grandfather died.

I swear, my class kills multiple grandparents every semester. I think since I started teaching college, I’ve had at least 20 grandparents, aunts/uncles, and even a couple dogs die.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Take the Ferris Bueller approach: “you produce the body, we’ll produce your daughter.”

nomonkeyfun

Creepy until you realize Mia Sara was too old for Jeffrey Jones.