[finishes off Bechamel Sauce smoothie] Man that was good! Just like the early games, amirite? But wait! There’s more…
SF @ Ari: Arizona has picked up where they left off before “The Troubles” began last year. Palmer is 36 for 56 and sporting a gaudy 7-1 TD/Int ratio. He’s my “Two Weeks In Comeback Player Of The Year” award winner. Well done, you. The 9ers will have to put up with another D-Line that can bring pressure so I’m not sure about the passing game. Hyde has been a revelation running the rock though. Right now the Cards have too much going their way. They’ll be distancing themselves from the rest of the NFC West as the weeks go by.
Buf @ Mia: Gotta think one of these teams and the Jets will be grabbing a wild card down the road but it’s going to be a friggin’ mess when all is said and done. Both teams need this game badly. Both Miller and McCoy are banged up, Buffalo is going to sack Tannehill 4+ times, Suh is going up against a rook-I see a lot of blood on the field but I’ve been having these crazy visions lately. Buy gold people! Buffalo squeaks out the W.
Chi @ Sea: The “Careful What You Wish For, Bears Fans” vibe is very strong here. Cutler is out so now it’s time for…Strub’s? Vlasic? I can never remember that guy’s name. Seattle’s lookin’ to get into the win column and I think a good old-fashioned whooping is afoot.
Hipster: Smartphones are the best.
Everyone else: FUCK YOU!
Pokemons of the Midway
Well, there went my outside shot at 1-2. FACK YOU, Jimmy Graham
Okay, my Raiders won, I’ve got bourbon within easy reach of my left hand, and my dog is laying next to me with her chin on my knee. Life is good.
Miami does a thing!
http://images2.miaminewtimes.com/imager/bleeding-palm-animated-gif-these-dolphins/u/original/6516924/dolphin_clean.gif
Only upset its fan that started the Bills D this week
HOOPSDOWN
The Last Witch Hunter starring Vin Diesel…. or The Chronicles I’ll Think I’ll Wait For NetFlix
It must be fun to be really heavy and be allowed to just jump on people.
“Oh, it is.”
– Jameis Winston
It’s always kind of interesting to listen to the random crap announcers come up with to talk about during blowouts, cause they sure as hell ain’t watching the game anymore.
So Bushrod is out now. So now we have lost our LT, 1WR, 2WR, 3WR, QB. I think we are still ok. Let’s go back to 6 linemen and 2 TEs and just run it every play again, that was almost working.
My Chargers were down to the point where another injury on the O-Line would have required us to put in a defensive player on it.
“Wait, normal teams don’t do that?”
-Tom Cable
A…Seahawks win? I’d forgotten what that felt like.
http://gifyu.com/images/k8RJk6P.gif
“I think running the wishbone is a sure-fire way for the Bears to win!”
— Mike Ditka tomorrow night, probably
GET PALMER OUT OF THERE
PALMER IS STILL IN THERE!?!?
WHY ARE WE YELLING?!!
BECAUSE HES THE ONLY QB I HAVE LEFT WITH TWO FUNCTIONING KNEES!$@&!1!
http://img.csfd.cz/files/images/user/profile/158/900/158900160_34676e.gif
http://media.giphy.com/media/ToMjGpw6sn0HrSEdih2/giphy.gif
Seconded
– Agent Cooper, upon being told that Leland Palmer was left alone in the morgue with his daughter’s body.
Which one of you lucky bastards had the pleasure of starting Ryan Tannehill today?
BILLS DEFENSE WOO
One more pick 6 and the Arizona D will have more fantasy points than Julio Jones.
Siragusa really has gone full-on performance art.
Tony Siragusa is thinking about buying a boat this year!
Vladimir Ducasse sounds like a vampire who may be more into sucking on a fine block of Brie than a person’s neck….
These games suck.
Are you kidding? This is the most fun football has been all year
Two words, Bears. Quick. Kick.
[Pocket collapses…]
– Vince Young attempts to settle his tab at Denny’s.
Well, it’s become pretty apparent that I should have started Tiny Darren over Carlos Hyde in my Flex spot today.
Can’t they just start running straight-up rugby plays?
And serious, AZ really best get Palmer outta there. They should have noticed what happened last January.
Of course. A safety. Because running the ball is still not as risky as having Kaepernick try to throw the ball out of the end zone.
Cards partying like it’s 2008!
ALL TEH POINTS, CRADS DEFENSE
SAWBUZZ!
MILLENNIUM OF THE SAFETY
DECADE OF THE SAFETY
You’re a fucking M&M! What did you think she meant by dessert?
Hey, I just remembered I started the Cardinals D. Woo me!
Maybe they mean “fence” as in “guy who criminals sell stolen things to”.
But that’s probably more of a Baltimore thing.
I also had to explain the “Sea Fence” thing that dumb Seattle fans do. He agrees it makes no sense. A sea wall is a thing, a sea fence is not. The sea could go right through a fence.
And the Bears have so far proven how many holes there still are in it.
If I have one more glass of bourbon I’ll go from “impaired” to “drunk”.
But the Raiders have won two in a row, so what the hell.
Watching football with my dad is pretty awesome. He’s a Cardinals fan from way back when they were the only team that could beat his brother’s team, which were the Browns.
Hi, I’m Tony Romo. And I have DirectTV.
And I’m Doc Brown. And I have cable.
Casually looking through the stands during the Chi/Sea game and I’m wondering, why are Seattle chicks so fat and ugly, I thought West Coast chicks were supposed to be hot?
Seattle, more like Sea-Cattle, amirite?
BEGIN BRO SUBROUTINE
Dude, I wish you could have seen the waitress we had at Bourbon Steak House last night. Even my wife had to admit that her body was absolutely insane.
END BRO SUBROUTINE
My Bears cover looks less likely. Perhaps Seattle will let their walkons play?
Lynch is out. You have a chance. Well you don’t but a better one than if he was in.
AND IT LOOKS THE PICKLE JUST GOT DUNKED!
That’s the emu equivalent of a Hail Mary.
Dolphins vs Bills is the Cove II: Electric Footboogalo
Lockett? MOAR LIKE ROCKETT AMIRITE
Remember when Chicago had the best Special Teams in the NFL? Me neither.
Somewhere, Dave Toub smirks.
I have nothing to add, so here’s this:http://i.imgur.com/z6YHr0h.gif
That fucks me as a Bears fan and as a person who is playing against someone starting Seattle’s D in FF.
That Tyler Lockett kid might be pretty good at the whole catch-and-run thing.
Dear Bears…your special teams is terrible…very…bad.
http://redright88.cleveland.morethanafan.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/dumpster-358×336.jpg
Dolphins defense is pretty legit.
RedZone is becoming DailyFantasyGamblingZone
Yo Gabbert Gabbert!
Get your helmet on.
The Flow eagerly jumps off bench, trips over own shoes, falls into Gatorade cooler, concusses self.
Jimmy Clausen’s first half:
McDonalds attempts to appeal to the Black demographic always had the grace and subtlety of the Censored 11.
And they weren’t even the “he do like you do” company!
Kaep and Tannehill keeping 56MillilitersOfFury semi-tumescent!
OH SHIT FIDDY