“There are three types of American Football Fans-the extrovert, the introvert and the pervert. You can find the pervert outside any local school yard, salivating on the fence. Extroverts however can be seen down at nearby ‘watering holes’ on Sundays. They choose to interact with others of their kind as they fill themselves with various liquids. As the day progresses they tend to lose their balance frequently, use an increased amount of profanity and eat ‘fast food’. The take-out menu, in whatever form it takes, is as important to them as the Bible is for other creatures. Not much is known about the introvert AFF, for obvious reasons.” [to be continued]
GB @ SF: Kaep had 4 intercepts and the Packers D have one in each game. Rodgers is playing lights out as is Lacy so let’s move on-nothing much to see here…
StL @ Ari: Gurley, the future of the run game for the Rams had 6 carries for 9 yards in his debut. Nowhere to go but tits up, maybe sideways against a formidable Cards D that gets pressure. Next week the Rams head to Green Bay-against teams over .500 on the road St. Lou is 3-24-1. They are a better team than this now but their sked is making it difficult to manifest it in the win column. The Larry Fitzgerald Renaissance continues unabated. Arizona has scored at least one TD in the last 9 quarters and Palmer is looking for his 10th straight win.
Min @ Den: As Yeah Right mentioned, the Vikes knock down QB’s with frightening efficiency and Peyton is nothing special these days. He may be able to keep Barr and Co. off-balance initially but he’s going to eat quite a bit of dirt today. As mentioned by everyone, even me, the Bronc’s running game is horseshit. They are dead last in yards per attempt. Word is that CJ gets one last chance at being relevant and then the ball gets in Hillman’s hands.
Cle @ SD: I read somewhere that McCown is 1-12 in his last 13 starts? If you’re starting him in fantasy today I must say, “Congrats! Your season is over!”. Good news on the horizon for the Browns though-Ray “Super Texter” Farmer is back from his suspension on Monday. I imagine he’ll bust a few roster moves. The Chargers need to forget about last week’s whalloping by the Vikes and blitz the hell out of the Browns. I can’t see SD’s CB’s getting burned by whatever ‘talent’ Cleveland bothers to send out onto the field. Rivers to Allen alone should lift the Bolts to the W in this one.
TURN AROUND, SON
Fucking Cardinals. 32nd in power rankings. Season is over.
That’s right, Troy. He saw a ghost.
Never change Norv
Peypey herped, Norval derped
Holy shit Torrey Smith cut his dreads?!?!
It would be hard for this footbaw weekend to get much shittier. But it sure keeps trying.
I love how the NFL keeps trying to sell the Tomsula hiring as not just a fucking joke but an example of someone succeeding against the odds.
I’m sure the large number of African American coaches with actual real experience as assistant coaches in the NFL are so fucking happy Tomsula was hired in the parking lot while trying to sell knockoff t-shirts.
Tomsula is a beacon for alcoholic armchair coaches across this great nation.
Tomsula and the 49ers at the ultimate America story: get rid of a guy who gets shit done because he isn’t nice to the bosses. Jerk off the brass first, performance second.
It’s refreshing that this might be the first season where Manning is a huge liability for his team.
PEYPEYCEPTION
At work this week, and keep in mind I am based in Roanoke and actually watched the shooting happened, one of the clowns I work with was arguing loudly that the local news shooting that killed two people on live TV was fake.
I love Roanoke. Its a quiet little city, with an amazing food scene. Great mountain views, hardly any traffic, and an actual downtown that is filled. But dear fucking god the people that live up in the mountains are the biggest collection of fucking right wing, insane freaks.
Come on Zona do something for me.
They are knocking me out of Survivor, does that count?
O shit me too…
Engage Depression Drinking
Isn’t that just normal drinking for you?
TRUE. But with a little extra oomph now
So… on 4th and 1, there’s a hole right up the middle?
I’m just asking questions.
Wow. The Bronco just took a beating.
Also isnt that going to the ground celebrating a touchdown?
It’s a religious celebration. He was going to the ground in the process of sacrificing his son.
JEEBUS, Denver
Wow Peterson sure switched up that short-yardage play didn’t he?
/Waits for giant hook to take him offstage
BELTDOWN!
You know…with the success of the Red Zone channel, you would think the NFL would be more proactive about switching from shitty one sided games to more interesting ones.
I don’t expect them to flip constantly, but dear fucking god this Packers-9ers game is boring as shit.
Wade Phillips gonna Wade Phillips
Adrian Peterson. Good at football
Jesus Vikings, you can’t even block a goddamn NT?!
Apparently not.
it’s so much harder to stalk women with good cardio.
That’s the message I take from that FitBit commercial
Cordarrelle Patterson is still alive!?
My friends and I just spent an hour standing around an $8,000 wood-splitter that two of them got for about half that, drinking beers and talking about how much easier it’s going to be to split wood this season.
You might be a redneck if….
Are you really a redneck if you can afford an $8,000 wood splitter, or if you know someone who can?
A fair point.
You don’t work as hard as jj watt chopping wood
By Gawd, Yes! If you can afford a $14,000 ATV and date your cousin, you can get the credit for a wood splitter.
/Does the splitter come with free chew?
Whoever’s got Diggs in Worst. League. Ever. is losing some value on those catch-fumbles.
Honestly my favorite thing I did in Worst. League. Ever. this year is take away points for fumbles but not for fumbles lost.
Wow — the refs really reminding us that the scabs are still available in ARI.
There’s a really simple flow chart for when you’re supposed to go for it on 4th and 1, and it’s like this:
It’s 4th and 1 -> Go for it
NAWT with Denver’s OL (and defense)
who woulda thunk Factory/Bolts would be the best game of the window?
GODDAMN YOU CARSON PALMER YOU GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Thank you Packers for showing up in the 2nd half.
New Game: guess how Jed York will try to explain why he voluntarily decided to destroy his own team.
I’m gonna go with something involving the window closing and wanting to rebuild a year too early rather than a year too late.
So Ball and a Biscuit….is FOX implying that the Packers-49ers are going to fuck after the game?
Unfortunately for the Vikings, no one’s surprised anymore when Peterson tries to switch it up.
Low-hanging fruit…
And bruised, at that.
Trick play on 3rd & short.
Fuck you Norv.
Im watching Fox and havent seen 1 promo for sleepy hollow. Is that a thing still?
Yep, Thursday nights.
The Power of Float Compels You! The Power of Float Compels You!
http://www.best-horror-movies.com/image-files/the-exorcist-1973-priests.jpg
Chevy Equinox. Can warn you when eggs are thrown.
You know, unless it can preemptively warn you, what’s the point? You don’t have time to react anyways.
Atlanta Falcons — 48 points.
Roddy White — 0.80 points.
In the insanity league.
http://i.bnet.com/blogs/how-to-be-creative-on-demand1.jpg
FLOAT-DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Neither does than house nor that parking lot backdrop look authentic to Phoenix.
Nor does the black guy.
He was indeed the grittiest player in Mario 2
https://twitter.com/celebrityhottub/status/650797998457376768
Christ, Schofield.
wait, why in God’s name is he playing??
We’re better off not knowing.
It’s a shame Fisher’s porn stache powers only work when he’s playing a better team from his division.
So has Manning and Rogers passed the torch to Watt as the default NFL guy in commercials?
Watt still has to wear a full uniform and pads while chopping wood for anyone to recognize him, so no.
GRIT GRIT GRIT
I hope this Chevrolet guy drives a non-chevy vehicle.
That way he might die in an accident.
Breast cancer awareness is especially near and dear to the Packers’ hearts today in light of BJ Raji’s double mastectomy.
How are you possibly still alive?
REPLY FAIL
VVV
The Chargers are going to make me pay for picking them in my suicide pool, aren’t they?
Oh yeah.
That was you? Then yeah.
See above ^^^
my suicide pool mass mulliganed when all 14 of us remaining missed in Week 2. On FIVE different games.
You make it through three weeks to lose like that?