Hey there, fellow Rams fans!
Well, fuck you guys. I’m only here until they move, so I can just openly root for my fantasy team in lieu of a jersey. ANYHOO, I’m here to talk about the extremely odd Rams season TO THIS POINT. So, what’s gone well, and what hasn’t?
2-0 In the Division
Somehow, the Rams are 2-0 in the NFC West, with impressive victories over the Seahawks and Cardinals. It’s incredibly odd, considering that these are two of the better teams in the conference (even considering Seattle’s post-Graham trade struggles), but I’ll take them.
Todd Gurley Is a Stud
Holy shit, Todd Gurley is going to be a STAR…. In LA. Goddammit… Regardless (Irregardless?) he’ll be fun to watch this year. He looks like AP or Earl Campbell, running angry, like a runaway motor home going downhill. He looks strong enough to tow the moving trucks to LA himself.
The Defense is Legit
The Rams’ defense is exactly as advertised. Big-time, aggressive pass rush, ok linebackers, secondary that’s… there, I guess. They’re actually fun to watch on defense, to watch Aaron Donald split double teams and Robert Quinn whip tackles.
So that’s been nice. What then, has gone wrong? Well…
They Lost To The Fucking [*Redacted] s
That happened. Holy shit. The [*Redacted] s ran all over the Rams, made millions of morons pick up Matt Jones (myself included) and actually let Kirk Cousins look effective. They couldn’t stop the stretch play, really. It was like they’d never seen it. Mesmerized.
They Can’t Move the Ball Consistently
Shockingly, picking most of their line in the last 2 drafts hasn’t led to great pass protection. Mistakes and rookie-level play has gotten Nick Foles’ ass kicked. It’s not an ideal situation, and they did nothing to alleviate the rookies’ learning curve by bringing in a veteran anywhere, only retaining tissue paper made human Roger Saffold, who just injured himself watching film. This leads to sacks, drive killing penalties, and the like. They can’t beat good teams that way, and need them to make mistakes or let the Rams score on special teams or gadget plays. Or just have Gurley stomp a mudhole in them, I guess.
They’re TOTALLY Leaving
I know, I joke a lot, but this is probably my last season as a fan of a football team. Seriously. If the Rams leave, I’m done. It’s like getting attached to a fucking stepdad at this point. You know he’s gonna beat your Ma up and steal from your college fund, but you have to watch something, and they’re the only thing available. Terrible metaphor there. Anyway, that’s the real issue with the Rams. We all know that they’re leaving, but I still root for them, because I’m a dummy. Enjoy them, LA. I’m sure you won’t get bored and stop going to the games for a whole year or two.
“The Rams have given the blueprint for how to beat the Cardinals.”
– Experts
Yeah, just have an absolutely brutal front line and a star rookie RB with no tape on the stud. Oh, and have Nick Foles play out of his mind (16 for 24 — 171 yards).
Trust me, you have plenty of years of frustrating Rams Fandom left. The City, County, or State governments will bend over faster than a blonde with no money to pay the pizza man and will give the NFL and Kroenke what they want: a new stadium that they won’t have to pay for.
I CAN’T HEAR YOU I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
I don’t like your twist on a great porn theme, even though Stan has a pornstashe.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/af3a91a001ae95119ad089e166c57af7/tumblr_nqvhow6Mko1sb75bgo1_500.jpg
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-A0mf5Cux31E/U61a3QOFajI/AAAAAAAAv34/vauirg0hUSA/s1600/tumblr_mvwf19oR1S1r9qhhio1_1280.jpg
http://www.barrylou.com/art/OldCDCovers/IEatKids.jpg
Good little boys play at destroying mankind.
Which team moves first?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/560febe5ca3e65962e36dba422cf95e6/tumblr_nqq2ojjYzF1rv91n5o1_540.jpg
The Belgians are buying all our beer!
Leopold II and Congo all over again.
Is Miller Lite, Bud, etc, legally considered beer? In my mind, it’s soda
What is “something I’d like to hear after me and my buddies run up a huge tab in Bruges”?
Nice!
http://40.media.tumblr.com/808f2f2717c97fbac3884b0d8e0110ae/tumblr_nvy2rhhzU21rk5871o1_1280.jpg
Stay out of the towers!
Worse than the fall of Fort Eben-Emael.
I don’t mean to threadjack, but the absurd is happening in Toronto.
I’m watching it right now. I can’t believe this.
I feel badly for Hamels – he’s been terrific and suddenly Andrus can’t catch a ball.
This is absurd.
Jesus, what the hell did I just watch.
MADNESS!
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0We0H–3e7g/VbpsFGPQ-EI/AAAAAAABJs0/ZUj1VhC5xdY/s400/tumblr_ln2kxirO3Q1qhep2vo1_250.gif
Fort Rouillé!!
Someone say threadjack? Someone say….TORONTO?
http://s25.postimg.org/cjm6c2zcf/19e044yem88ftgif.gif
http://38.media.tumblr.com/b0d77ff81af33445d5fb28b02fd78641/tumblr_n86dupUcPa1tx91i7o10_r1_250.gif
Seriously though, I totally agree with you about letting go of football team fandom after the Rams leave. I might not have used the awkward domestic violence metaphor, but…
I too root for them because I am a dummy.
It was awkward, but accurate.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/5ea02c335136bfc5cf015c102226bc49/tumblr_inline_nkai2yq49l1s102rq.jpg
The whole Rodger Saffold thing has been a pretty interesting “what if” case for the Raiders. At the time, it looked like a sign of complete and total dysfunction within the Raiders organization. In retrospect, it seems like Mark Davis actually did the right thing by stepping in at the last possible second and saved Reggie McKenzie from making a huge mistake.
It wouldn’t be Reggie’s worst roster move. Just one of them.
At the money involved – $42 million with $21 guaranteed, I think – it’s hard to think of a signing that would have been worse. It’s not that Saffold is a bad player, it’s just that it would have been a huge waste of money. The Rams got him for $10 million less.
Oh, Saffold isn’t a GOOD player. I just don’t get why he was sought after. He can’t stay on the field.
Roger Saffold, who just injured himself watching film.
I know you’re kidding there. He never watched any film.