Hey guys, it’s time for something stupid. Inspired by an email chain from today, here’s my team of fictional film baseball players. My rule was one player per film series, no real players played by actors/playing themselves. Feel free to tell me I’m an idiot in the comments, everyone did in the email chain.
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C Crash Davis (Bull Durham) |
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1B Jack Elliot (Mr. Baseball) |
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2B Marla Hooch (A League of their Own) |
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3B Roger Dorn (Major League) |
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SS Tanner Boyle (Bad News Bears) |
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RF Roy Hobbs (The Natural) |
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CF Bobby Rayburn (The Fan) |
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LF Benny Rodriguez (The Sandlot) |
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SP Steve Nebraska (The Scout) |
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RP Henry Rowengartner (Rookie of the Year) |
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DH Stan Ross, (Mr. 3000) |
Brewer to BoSox, Stan Ross would EASILY go down as the greatest DH of all time (even though Jeter was classier about taking that spot in his twilight days).
“Stan Ross would EASILY go down “
Glow in the dark fucktard fingers; I’d buy one.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/9b4813db932da54f52729fc06beadcce/tumblr_nw2umut2B01rni4p3o1_500.jpg
I can’t believe you omitted
http://oyster.ignimgs.com/mediawiki/apis.ign.com/futurama/thumb/9/9a/NNYMetsK.jpg/228px-NNYMetsK.jpg
Huh? Baseball? I’m currently watching Major League Soccer.
Ow. OWWW!! What the……
Damn, Horatio, this locker is rather spacious. I had no idea. If this locker were in Manhattan, you could rent it as a microstudio apartment for $2000/month.
And I’m currently trying to FINALLY get around to change my avatar to a photo of Bunk Moreland. Hope I succeed. I’m tired of seeing Satan every time I comment.
Not working yet, hopefully soon.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/fa8e63b60ca16b41c2c57b2c2a0b2382/tumblr_mgp0izYB0Z1qko4x4o1_500.gif
Testicles. One…..two……three?!?
New badass avatar not showing up. Also, I don’t have an edit button for my comments. Is that normal?
Yes.
I don’t have an edit button in my normal speech either, otherwise I’d be a bit further up the corporate ladder.
That would be bad ass. Bunk was the shit.
Fuck you McNulty.
Sigh. I’m going to have to clear cookies, aren’t I?
and sell your soul.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/a529b46a72aaecdf93af3ded421d4827/tumblr_mtx0it1dNr1r45os0o3_500.jpg
Cookies cleared. Success?
Working now and it is fucking great.
Pimping out one of my favorite bands again. The Heartless Bastards. I am playing the unholy shit out of this song lately.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6nHVJCopj0
One of the band member’s ancestors was an executioner; FACT.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/aa4d46d46b6b91fabb2ee193c54099ed/tumblr_nw84a7vmbj1r0hgato1_540.gif
Otto’s brain tricks PK into drinking a pumpkin latte filled with cigarette ash in celebration.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/0f2947dbb73eebfc58c31ac34e2a12fc/tumblr_nw23qjhP5T1s9bqq4o1_1280.jpg
i just saw a colin cowherd ad
http://media.giphy.com/media/iHaDbbesKYT6M/giphy.gif
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/dr/hln/www/release/sites/default/files/static/images/worldseriesdreaming.gif
To bad you couldn’t fit Kelly Leak in. He’s one bad mother—
http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/culture_test/tim-robbins-bull-durham.jpg
Shut yo mouth!
Mouf?
He’s talkin’ bout Leak!
I can dig it.
/That joke just went over the head of at least half of Commentists under the age of 35.
Let’s not forget the greatest fictional baseball player of all time:
http://www.nsnn.com/FF1045-Baseball-Bugs.jpg
Speaking of baseball movies, I got my first colonoscopy today.
I spent all last night drinking the assigned laxatives and living in the bathroom evacuating my whole digestive tract, right on down the line. I have changed my underwear about seven times in the last twenty hours. Afterwards, the doctor complimented me on my “very clean colon.”
They gave me Propufol before my big close-up. That’s the same drug that killed Michael Jackson; but I had my fix administered by a competent anesthesiologist in a responsible dose and lived to tell the tale. Take THAT, King Of Pop!
Results are great!!! ANYBODY WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF MY ASSHOLE???
So I just learned not to just image search for “baseball bat movie scene.”
I’m trying to find the Bloom County panel where they declare Reagan’s greatest achievement to be that “most of his polyps were benign.”
No luck so far.
And like that, I’ll be reading every Bloom County book I have all weekend.
This is not a complaint.
If I wanted to see a picture of an asshole, I know how to do a Google image search for “Harbaugh” already.
The King of Poop?
A clean, well used colon. Also; pics or it didn’t happen: starfish to nugget.
I was diagnosed with cancerous lesions of the colon when I was 29. I have a colonoscopy every two years now, Thank you Jesus, it used to be annually.
I usually celebrate a clean reading by having a cheeseburger and a few beers.
Not sure I’m doing it right.
The prep is a thousand times worse than the procedure.
Pro-tip: Use extra soft toilet paper.
Pro pro-tip: don’t use toilet paper, use a bidet.
You can get sprayers that attach to the inlet hose on your toilet. For some reason, a place I was staying in the Middle East had one, and when I got the inevitable explosive craps after drinking local water, spraying was so much gentler.
Have you seen all of these movies all the way through?
Hitting Coach Al Capone
(The Untouchables)
http://www.chud.com/articles/content_images/0NICK2/casino_1818.jpg
http://jarviscity.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Inglourious-Basterds-Baseball-Bat-Scene.jpg
This just wouldn’t work.
http://jarviscity.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Shining-Shelley-Duvall-Baseball-Bat.jpg
http://assets.fightland.com/content-images/article/the-warriors-movie-fights-and-why-reality-doesnt-matter/BaseballFuries_vice_670.jpg
Home plate umpire: Frank Drebin (The Naked Gun)
Team Owner: Montgomery Brewster (Brewster’s Millions)
YES!!
Baseball? DDDOOOONNNNNTTTT CCCCAAAARRRRREEEE!!!!!!!
I thought you were #UpForWhatever?
MOAR LIEK #fULLoFsHIT AMIRITE
Catler would make the purfect pitcher.
Liek watcihng grASS grow IMO.
Sill’s comment reminds me I’m taking Jimmy Dugan as my manager. Lou Brown is the obvious pick but Jimmy Dugan hit a spoiled brat in the face with a baseball glove and laughed about it.
AHAHAHA! GOT HIM!!!
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2014-10/7/13/enhanced/webdr02/anigif_enhanced-22032-1412703576-16.gif
There it is! Man he nailed that kid.
The fuuuuuuu? Did Peter King hack this account?
http://31.media.tumblr.com/f0fbfcb936e8b2be3c84c8b055f8dc94/tumblr_nfxiewJYnH1qj4315o1_500.gif
You don’t have to participate.
Gee, that never occurred to me.
Clearly.
Sarcasm as a concept is lost.
You know, I heard that Big Papi was invited to be in a movie but the producers didn’t want anyone who could have been involved in a PED scandal to taint the film.
/gets popcorn ready.
So they’re making a Little League film?
Was he going to be the manager?
Looking at this list is a sad reminder of how few decent fictional baseball films there are.
Right? This exercise was harder than I thought.
There aren’t many good nonfiction baseball films either.
For me it’s Eight Men Out and…?
42 was OK, Moneyball was watchable but flawed, and I didn’t hate *61, but I didn’t love it either.
‘A League of Their Own’ is one of the best movies, period, and may be the best baseball movie ever.
I like ‘Bull Durham’ but acknowledge the argument that it’s not a real baseball movie. I don’t necessarily agree but I can see the point.
I agree with all of your words. I love A League of their Own. The Cardinals played it on the big screen at Busch Stadium during their founders night this year, and I watched the whole thing from the outfield grass.
“League” is as good as it gets.
“Bull Durham” is a real baseball film with a chick-flick B-plot to me, but I can see how it might lose some people at the end.
I’m guessing the only reason there’s no Pedro Cerrano is because Hobbs is in right? And naturally this team is managed by Billy Heywood (Little Big League).
One per movie and I needed Dorn.
Dorn with higher priority over Cerrano/Vaughn/Taylor? That I don’t agree with, where I’d see how I can fit one of the other three even though Hobbs/Gardenhooser/Crash are must-haves. Dorn ends up going in because the other three positions are taken.
That’s the issue with my arbitrary rules. I could have stacked the team with Bad News Bears and Major League Indians, so I wanted to keep that down. Plus, I had a a hell of a time with 3B/SS.
Every single pitcher against the Blue Jays in the ALCS should go straight at Bautista’s earhole.
That bat flip was a fucking disgrace.
I’d like to say, as a dirt Giants fan, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID fucking Rangers. Fucking Romonobyl. Everything’s bigger in Texas except their sports teams in close-out games.
Also still not as stupid as Encarnacion’s parrot on the shoulder.
For a bunch of nobodies who haven’t done shit in over two decades, this Blue Jays team has more than its fair share of assholes:
Bautista’s another one. “I started hitting lots of home runs because all of a sudden I started swinging sooner.”
No. No that is not why you suddenly started hitting lots of home runs.
Encarnacion was a bum until he got to Toronto too. Suddenly he and Joey Bats are hitting bombs…
CANADIAN PEDS DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
I’m fine with it. GW Bush will be associated with the Rangers for as long as he lives. For that time period, I hope the Rangers never win a World Series. Hell, I wish they would never win a game. I hold grudges like that.
True, but still fuck Bautista.
Go Astros/Royals.
Team physician might be Archie “Moonlight” Graham?
Was he a real person? That was my other rule that I forgot to mention, no real players being played by actors/playing themselves.
Shhhh. The Boob Jays are trying to close this thing out!