Your Faux-Existential Monday Night Thread

Everywhere you turn around these days it seems like things are going to shit. Whether it’s be-headings abroad or mass shootings here or government officials telling outright lies and not being called on it or hell, not getting that raise you were promised-don’t you think it would be nice to have some semblance of order? I’m not talking law and order, I’m just saying things should occasionally make a little sense. “But scotchnaut”, you interrupted before I was finished my thought-“the world is full of grey areas, there are no absolutes.” Sure, I get that and I’m with you most of the time but it would be nice if things were simpler, just for a bit. I’m not asking for ball-jarring change either. Let’s start off small-say, I don’t know…hmm, what about a Giants victory tonight? A win would separate them from the Eagles, a loss would send the NFC East into a chaotic jumble of two 3-3 teams followed by  a 2-3 team. More messiness for you, me and the world to deal with. Embrace Clarity. Go Giants!

NYG @ Phi: Eli has been a whole ‘nutella QB so far this year. He’s got the 10 TD’s with only 2 picks (though he could regress in a heartbeat and add 3 to the total tonight) and due to some very solid play from O-linemen Pugh, Richburg and Schwartz he’s only been sacked 4 times. Red zone-wise the Giants grade out at 29th in the league. (I read that Coughlin calls it the green zone because ‘green means go’ and of course the lawn thing). The three-headed mediocrity of Vereen, Jennings and Williams aren’t doing the running game any favours, Beckham is hamstringed by a leg injury as is Randle plus Kennard and Prince are out. The Eagles have taken 10 of the last 13 from NY but DeMarco does have a putrid 2.7 ypc and Matthews is out. If it falls on Bradford I’ll take my chances.

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Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

I love this game so much

King Hippo

It’s amazing. The Iggles are complete ass, and playing ass-y even by their own ass-y standards, and ARE WINNING BY 17 AFTER THREE QUARTERS.

Lady and gentlemen, the NFC EAST!!!

Sharkbait
Redshirt

This is the type of game Dr. Forrester would show on the Satellite of Love.

Gratliff

So this is just a friendly game of catch at this point right?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

hoo boy

Doktor Zymm

comment image

makeitsnowondem

Victory Prima Pils is still real good.

WCS

95% of Victory is real good.

WhyEaglesWhy

Victory just did a tap takeover at my local. REALLY good stuff. Storm King plz.

Gratliff

Holy shit, this isn’t the end of the game.

WhyEaglesWhy

Memo to dumb Eagles fans: Nobody needs to employ any shady tactics to slow the Eagles offense down.

Sharkbait

Bradford does that well enough.

Martin

Berman was saying Brady doesn’t look like a 38 year old QB, which further reinforces the claim that OF COURSE HE’S USING PEDS YOU FUCKS

Sharkbait
Martin

JESUS CHRIST IS THAT RED

That’s so much worse

WhyEaglesWhy

The NFL is weird this year. Five undefeated teams after 6 weeks, and everyone else looks like…this.

Gratliff

MILES AUSTIN! CANCEL THE SEARCH!

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

What comes after going to plaid?

WhyEaglesWhy

Paisley?

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Martin

Pollock?

John Difool
John Difool

Argyle?

Sharkbait
Doktor Zymm

On the plus side, can’t really accuse anyone in this game of using PEDs. PDDs maybe.

makeitsnowondem

Sam Bradford made the right choice in the face of a defense that could rush four and still cover with eight.

Redshirt

derp-condition-plaid.jpg

John Difool
John Difool

Is this game real?

Or is it just fantasy?

Martin

I never expected to Germany not to have public nudity laws.

https://twitter.com/martin_dfo/status/656301113646288896

Old School Zero

Doktor Zymm

They even derped their way out of the derpiest score of all, the safety.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sharkbait

You’re gonna need more coke

King Hippo

Really, can one ever have enough?

Gratliff

SO. MUCH. DERP.

Doktor Zymm

Just……just…..I have no words strong enough to describe this game.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Holy FUCKBALLS this game

Sharkbait

Holy fuck the third isnt even over yet???

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I got to call it a night folks. Japan finally woke up and I got a shitload of emails to get through.

Got to love fucking working for a company on the other side of the goddamn planet…

Doktor Zymm

Is anyone on either team NOT injured?

litre_cola

Tiny Darren! Nooo

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Tiny Darren, he dead.

WhyEaglesWhy

Somehow, Sproles has been a nonfactor, the Eagles have turned it over 3 times, they’re down to one inside linebacker, and they’re…winning by 17?

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

Two Teams, One Cup

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Pretty much.

WhyEaglesWhy

That’s KOTW material.

John Difool
John Difool

Shitshow? Damn right, this has turned into a full-blown scat porn.

King Hippo

Two wide open Giants, you can;t blame Bradford for taking a shot imo

WhyEaglesWhy

Fuck you, Riley!

Redshirt

…the fuck was that?!

Sharkbait

Bradfordpunt!

Old School Zero

I learned today that the US imported about 1.05 trillion barrels of oil from Canada last year. To put that in perspective, we imported 1.1 trillion barrels of oil from all of the OPEC countries combined. To say this election mattered in the geopolitical realm is to wholly understate that fact.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

MURKA FRIST

WhyEaglesWhy

Hey, you got your politics in my football!

No, you got your football in my politics!

King Hippo

Soooo, you’re saying we should invade Canada because they hate our freedom?

WhyEaglesWhy

Yes, they have WMDs.

Weapons of maple destruction.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Old School Zero

yo I hear they got YELLOW CAKE son

http://media.giphy.com/media/13JIvSwLor9QVW/giphy.gif

John Difool
John Difool

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
WhyEaglesWhy

Kate. I’m a chubby chaser.

blackroseMD1

Kate.

Badger
Badger

Upton. No contest.

Sharkbait

Kate.

Redshirt

Both

Martin

Yes

hippofant
hippofant

Kate.

Martin

Charlotte. I don’t want to fuck a future Republican senator.

WhyEaglesWhy

Now is the time to get scared, because behind by 17 the Giants will start throwing.

WCS

Wolfman Rob’s long-lost twin?

Martin

Yes?

litre_cola

The european guys from family guy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Martin

Maybe Coughlin should offer the players cacao nibs for each completed play.

King Hippo

Hee hee, somebody seen Brooklyn Nine-Nine already

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

Is there some rule that only one NFC East team is allowed to look sorta competent each week?

John Difool
John Difool

Dallas looked pretty competent this week…. oh, wait….

King Hippo

MAXIMUM