Your Faux-Existential Monday Night Thread

Everywhere you turn around these days it seems like things are going to shit. Whether it’s be-headings abroad or mass shootings here or government officials telling outright lies and not being called on it or hell, not getting that raise you were promised-don’t you think it would be nice to have some semblance of order? I’m not talking law and order, I’m just saying things should occasionally make a little sense. “But scotchnaut”, you interrupted before I was finished my thought-“the world is full of grey areas, there are no absolutes.” Sure, I get that and I’m with you most of the time but it would be nice if things were simpler, just for a bit. I’m not asking for ball-jarring change either. Let’s start off small-say, I don’t know…hmm, what about a Giants victory tonight? A win would separate them from the Eagles, a loss would send the NFC East into a chaotic jumble of two 3-3 teams followed by  a 2-3 team. More messiness for you, me and the world to deal with. Embrace Clarity. Go Giants!

NYG @ Phi: Eli has been a whole ‘nutella QB so far this year. He’s got the 10 TD’s with only 2 picks (though he could regress in a heartbeat and add 3 to the total tonight) and due to some very solid play from O-linemen Pugh, Richburg and Schwartz he’s only been sacked 4 times. Red zone-wise the Giants grade out at 29th in the league. (I read that Coughlin calls it the green zone because ‘green means go’ and of course the lawn thing). The three-headed mediocrity of Vereen, Jennings and Williams aren’t doing the running game any favours, Beckham is hamstringed by a leg injury as is Randle plus Kennard and Prince are out. The Eagles have taken 10 of the last 13 from NY but DeMarco does have a putrid 2.7 ypc and Matthews is out. If it falls on Bradford I’ll take my chances.

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WhyEaglesWhy

That’s the most encouraging drive I’ve seen from the Eagles all year.

John Difool

SPRAY TALON

blordinaryfagicmox
makeitsnowondem

Hey OSZ, since you’re clearly going to beat me this week: You want Beer Barrel as a prize?

Old School Zero

Sure! I have some special/weird ones I could take a pass at. What day do you usually aim for?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I said I was gonna change it up in the second half and not post Community women. I lied.

http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltwe78rQuI1qam69vo1_500.gif

WhyEaglesWhy

I always wondered what happened to Bananarama.

Lothar of the Hill People

Gillian Jacobs was in a dream I had last night. She took the place of a girl I knew in undergrad. In my dream, she said she wanted to get naked with me.

I like my dreams, sometimes.

Sill Bimmons

Nothing could ever be worse than the prequels.

Please don’t fuck this up JJ.

Martin

J.J. Abrams makes fast-food movies. They’re tasty and full of things you love, but immediately forgettable and really shitty for you when you stop and think about it.

Sill Bimmons

I’m all too aware of this.

Lothar of the Hill People

Other than Empire Strikes Back, you can say the same thing about the original trilogy.

Lothar of the Hill People

Gentlemen, it’s too late for me to start drinking, but I made an autistic kid cry tonight, so I feel like that counts, right?

John Difool

It’s never too late or too early to start drinking. Ice Up, Son!

makeitsnowondem

I don’t accept your premise.

King Hippo

5 minutes to Wopner!

blackroseMD1

What did you say to Eli that made him cry?

Lothar of the Hill People

I took away his carob chips.

King Hippo

I just really want to see JPP’s freaky hand now

WhyEaglesWhy

There are pics online if you’re so inclined.

King Hippo

Yeah, that pretty nasty.

Stay away from teh fireworks, kids. Leave that to a trained, $7/hour on-bath salts professional

Martin

OPEN YOUR MIND

WhyEaglesWhy

HOT TAEK: I’m looking forward to the new Star Wars, because Abrams is 2-for-2 with Star Trek movies, and the previous regime was 3-for-6.

blackroseMD1

That was the most Eli play I’ve ever seen.

King Hippo

to be fair, it’s WAY past his bedtime

Martin

He’s still all hopped up with excitement for Star Wars

Doktor Zymm

One of Chip Kelly’s unorthodox training procedures involves practicing with a football filled with angry, angry bees.

blackroseMD1

comment image

King Hippo

Poor Elisha, still with the herpin and the derpin

King Hippo

Whoa, is potato sauce a real actual thing? I assumed the “it’s adequate!” tag on the poster meant it was a joke.

Martin

“Use in place of catsup, cheese, OR LARD”

Lothar of the Hill People

“Nalley’s is adequate!”

Isn’t that Cincinnati’s slogan about Andy Dalton?

makeitsnowondem

HARPER LOSES, HOORAY FOR CANADA

Old School Zero

HOURAY FOUR CANADA
THAT SCREWY SILLY PINE FOUREST CANADA
WHERE ANY OUFFICE BOUY OR YOUNG MECHANIC
CAN GET TREATED FOUR PANIC
BY JUST BEING A CITIZEN

makeitsnowondem

I love this almost as much as I love Harper losing.

Old School Zero

I aim to please.

King Hippo

Yes, you don;t want to get too far behind whatever progress America has been dragged into kicking and screaming by the courts.

John Difool

THIS GAME, I CALL IT HOSTESS ‘CAUSE THAT’S HOW MANY TURNOVERS IT HAS

WhyEaglesWhy

Thank God for the Giants, because any competent NFL team would be blowing out the Eagles tonight.

Old School Zero

Just saw the embedded trailer. Do they go to Tatooine AND Hoth AND have a new Death Star?

J.J. Abrams–king of fan service.

Gratliff

I mean, if you got to make a Star Wars movie, wouldn’t you?

Martin

No.

There’s a massive Extended Universe just waiting to be exploited that the hardcore nerds already fucking adore.

Gratliff

I would be foaming at the mouth at the hint of a reluctant red-haired Jedi.

Martin

As if it wasn’t clear from his shitty Star Trek movie.

Old School Zero

Exactly.

Dick E. Phuck

Did you ever see Super 8? That whole goddamn movie was a Spielberg blowjob.

Martin

That’s why I didn’t see it.

makeitsnowondem

I am, and forever will be, your nostalgia dealer.

Spur

Wait, that’s a movie?. I thought that was a Canadian political ad.

Martin

He could be a background extra in the Mos Eisley cantina.

Doktor Zymm

Whew. There was almost a full minute there without a derp. I was getting worried.

makeitsnowondem

I wonder how many Eagles fans yelling at Kelce right now know he’s their best player.

Martin

JON GRUDEN: THIS GUY J.J. ABRAMS! I CALL HIM CUMPILATION BECAUSE HE GIVES YOU ALL THE STUFF YOU LOVE WITHOUT STUPID SHIT LIKE PLOT OR DIALOGUE!

John Difool

“Riley Cooper walked off under his own White Power.”

WhyEaglesWhy

Maybe if all their receivers get hurt, they’ll run the ball.

Sharkbait

Assassins Creed Syndicate is just Robin Hood in the 1880s right?

makeitsnowondem

tbh I haven’t played an Assassin’s Creed game in four years and I want it.

Brick Meathook

That’s a pretty nice truss bridge

Martin

Diora Baird sex scene — https://streamable.com/f6rn

Welcome back, titty lady

Doktor Zymm

Tomorrow, Tom Coughlin is going to distribute eggs with little faces drawn on them to every member of the Giants. If you can’t bring it back, undamaged, after carrying it around all week, you get benched.

Gatoraids

Eli has already bent his Wookie tho

WhyEaglesWhy

So glad I picked up the racist in Sill’s league this week.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gatoraids

Harrison Ford + NFL ad and no Cialis, I’m shocked.

blordinaryfagicmox

I hope the timing of this Star Wars thing means that there will be plenty of elections and political maneuvering in it, that was easily the best part of the other movies.

Gatoraids

Filibuster of Fate

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What in the galaxy are you talking about? The romance was what REALLY made those movies sizzle.

Gratliff

Let’s talk Councillor Borsk Fey’lya. I’ll dig in on some Expanded universe exposition.

WhyEaglesWhy

I disagree, it’s the poetic dialogue.

Dick E. Phuck

It has to be the robot lizard man with empysema. He kind of reminds of George Bush Sr.

John Difool

Riley Cooper might not like the New Star Wars trailer. Usually when someone takes off a white hat while wearing a white outfit, they don’t look like that.

Dick E. Phuck

comment image?w=650

Dick E. Phuck

Is it too much to ask Thunder? Kill him for me!

Badger

Here’s the Army and the Navy and the battles they have won.

Dick E. Phuck

May the wings of liberty never lose a feather.

Brick Meathook

WHAT HAPPENED TO SPOCK? I SAW BIGFOOT, BUT WHERE WAS SPOCK?

WhyEaglesWhy

He’s dead this week.

packman_jon

Stolen from @jimlohmar
[fade in from black]
[hooded figure struggling thru the desert]
[stops suddenly]
enter fanduel daily fantasy promo code [CHEWBACCA SCREAM]

Dick E. Phuck

That new Star Wars movie does look pretty awesome though.

Moonbatting Average

Did Berman just say Toronto vs Texas?

Spanky Datass

Yep. Go home Berman, You’re drunk … and an asshole.

packman_jon

*high

Doktor Zymm

I think the only mainstream first-run movie I’ve been to since I moved to Chicago is The World’s End. The only movie theater walking distance from me is more midnight movie and classic/indie oriented.

ballsofsteelandfury

That is a great fucking movie.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It really is.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Spur

I bent my wookie.

Old School Zero

I’m listening to the game on the radio, and all the Star Wars radio preview was just lightsaber sounds followed by the “cha-ching” of an old cash register for ten minutes.

John Difool

New Star Wars looks pretty awesome…. like J.J. is going to only stick the tip in….

Gatoraids

Star Wars Fan Duel of Fates Sponsored by the Draft Trade Federation

The Maestro

I have an erection from that now.

WhyEaglesWhy

That’s fucking creepy.

packman_jon

This is somehow not the creepiest thing I’ve online

Why Thank You Eddie

I just came on my car keys. Now I can’t go to work tomorrow.

ballsofsteelandfury

You can always come on the bus…

Spur

Neat…..Fuck da Eagles!

Dick E. Phuck

Star Wars: Teasing cocks

Gratliff

Boomer’s contempt can suck my ass.

WhyEaglesWhy

Somehow, nostalgia made me enjoy that even though I think only one of the six films is worth a damn.

packman_jon

It’s okay if you like Attack of the Clones