Your Faux-Existential Monday Night Thread

Everywhere you turn around these days it seems like things are going to shit. Whether it’s be-headings abroad or mass shootings here or government officials telling outright lies and not being called on it or hell, not getting that raise you were promised-don’t you think it would be nice to have some semblance of order? I’m not talking law and order, I’m just saying things should occasionally make a little sense. “But scotchnaut”, you interrupted before I was finished my thought-“the world is full of grey areas, there are no absolutes.” Sure, I get that and I’m with you most of the time but it would be nice if things were simpler, just for a bit. I’m not asking for ball-jarring change either. Let’s start off small-say, I don’t know…hmm, what about a Giants victory tonight? A win would separate them from the Eagles, a loss would send the NFC East into a chaotic jumble of two 3-3 teams followed by  a 2-3 team. More messiness for you, me and the world to deal with. Embrace Clarity. Go Giants!

NYG @ Phi: Eli has been a whole ‘nutella QB so far this year. He’s got the 10 TD’s with only 2 picks (though he could regress in a heartbeat and add 3 to the total tonight) and due to some very solid play from O-linemen Pugh, Richburg and Schwartz he’s only been sacked 4 times. Red zone-wise the Giants grade out at 29th in the league. (I read that Coughlin calls it the green zone because ‘green means go’ and of course the lawn thing). The three-headed mediocrity of Vereen, Jennings and Williams aren’t doing the running game any favours, Beckham is hamstringed by a leg injury as is Randle plus Kennard and Prince are out. The Eagles have taken 10 of the last 13 from NY but DeMarco does have a putrid 2.7 ypc and Matthews is out. If it falls on Bradford I’ll take my chances.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless VanBloody LethalMartinHoratio CornblowerWCS Recent comment authors
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Lena Headey. NSFW

h ttp://images.celebritymoviearchive.com/members/thumbs/l/Lena%20Headey%20-%20300_3.jpg

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My grammy has had 10 neck surgeries and her head is permanently on her right shoulder. She still looks better than Stephnie Weir.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

On top of playing just an annoying unlikeable character on Castle, Stephnie Weir looks older that my grandmother who is 35 years older than her. The nose ring to try to make her seem younger had the opposite effect for me

I should just shut up but just grabbed my booze 30 min ago and am going all in on getting wasted before bed. Lena Headey to keep with Martin’s 1 pic theme of GoT.

http://images.latinpost.com/data/images/full/4971/lena-headey.jpg

Martin

Did you click on the link?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I did now. Awesome.

Martin

Sophie Turner has great legs — http://gfycat.com/SleepyMaleGordonsetter

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Horatio Cornblower

I could have watched this game but instead I went up to Boston and saw the Old 97’s tear through a concert.

Judging from the comments I made…(whips off sunglasses)…the right call!!!!

YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Coming back to post another Alison Brie pic. Absolutely no reason to do it but fuck it, just finished Gotham and Castle is gonna take a few min to download and I feel no urgency to watch Blindspot or Minority Report which are already downloaded.

comment image?w=650

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Like 5 minutes into Castle. I should have chose one of the other shows. The least funny MadTV cast member is the guest star and is making this unwatchable

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Ah, the ol’ hatchet to the balls trick. Gets ’em every time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS
Martin

Vacuum, actually.

Martin

Who locked up your mom in a tank car?

Martin

Well, I guess I should be off.

http://i.imgur.com/quqf7mF.jpg,

Old School Zero

*beat

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Martin

YOU CAN’T JUDGE ME!

Old School Zero

Had to go bake a cake. What did I miss?

Martin

The Sadness Factory has an annex in Philly.

WhyEaglesWhy

You made a cake, everyone else made turnovers.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s a perfect Commentist of the Week if we actually had such a thing.

Just perfect.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Martin
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

That was a very tone deaf Toyota ad.

WhyEaglesWhy

Mike Tirico doesn’t know what a shutout is.

WCS

This is what 5+ years of sharing a booth with THIS GUY will do.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WhyEaglesWhy

I’ve never been so discouraged after a 20 point win. Which makes me wonder how Giants fans feel.

Sharkbait

Welp. That was…something

http://i.imgur.com/rmdSx.gif

Doktor Zymm

It’s over? It’s over! We made it! Guys, we SURVIVED!

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Wow.

That was something.

Martin

I refuse to believe an Eagles fan knows what joy is.

Sharkbait

Joy is connecting on a battery toss from the 300 level.

WhyEaglesWhy

“The only true despair is to know joy and be denied it.”

Martin
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Martin

No kitty, but you can see a nipslip and most of her butthole if you look around online.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Anyone but the Flyers.

WhyEaglesWhy

Spoken like a true Penguins fan.

Sharkbait

Damn you Tirico for making me agree with a Penguins fan.

Martin
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

This was just not a very well played football game.

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

But entertaining!

makeitsnowondem

The worst thing about that penalty is that it’s going to wipe out an Ereck Flowers reception.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Do you like fishsticks?

makeitsnowondem

What am I, a gay fish?

Which, like, yes, but

Doktor Zymm

THESE TEAMS, I CALL THEM HOT TAEKS BECAUSE NO OFFENSE IS INTENDED

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

Damn that’s good

Senor Weaselo

Someone might have a quote on the banner!

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Niiiiiiiiiiiceeeeee

Sharkbait

I feel like this game has Illegally touched us all.

WhyEaglesWhy

And like many illegal touchers, this game will simply be reassigned to a new location. In this case, Arizona next week.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Martin

Mmmmmmmm. Sacrilicious.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
makeitsnowondem

Okay, I’ve got a very technical football question: Why are the Eagles winning?

Martin

God is punishing us.

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

Because of things. You know, stuff.

WhyEaglesWhy

I guess someone has to.

– Donovan McNabb

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

THESE GUYS I CALL THEM PR GUYS BECAUSE OF ALL THE PROLAPSED RECTUMS

Gratliff

62.4 to 59.7. Sam Bradford clearly the superior QB in this fucktastrophe.

Senor Weaselo

Hey everyone, what’s going on in this gaaoooddammit.

King Hippo

By any reasonable measure, Elisha should have 7-10 picks tonight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
makeitsnowondem

Millennials are soft because they weren’t exposed to fiction like this.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t think I’m tired, I think the derp has spread to my brain and is slowly shutting down the elements of my conscious brain.

WCS

That disease took over the entire city of Cleveland in 1960, and still rages to this day.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dad turned off the game. Sure, it was most likely because he wanted to watch something else and my tv uses a wireless box that watches whatever is on in his room, but I’d like to think he also didn’t want me to subject myself to any more of that shitshow of a game.

Jenna Coleman gif just because

http://data.whicdn.com/images/81748254/large.gif

Martin

Your father is doing the Lord’s work.

Gratliff

Just play Ecstasy of Gold, you dimwit fucks.

makeitsnowondem

I just want to say one more thing about fantasy football: I am a victim of Colin Kaepernick scoring more than zero points.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
King Hippo

Now THAT is a most beautiful lady. People don;t talk enough about teh Parker Posey.

Martin

The world is a cruel place.

King Hippo

Seriously, if she ever said hello to me and shook my hand…I’d die instantly. Immensely talented, too.

WhyEaglesWhy

Well, she’s not a skinny blonde with giant tits.

Martin

She’s too old.

That’s the real answer, and it’s fucking disgusting.

Doktor Zymm

I found an illegal feed for this game :
comment image?w=590&h=590&crop=1

Sharkbait

Electric football QB>Bradford/Manning

WhyEaglesWhy

I think that guy just signaled for the Eagles to fuck the Giants in the ass.

Gratliff

Bradford is terrible, but I’m almost terrified to admit that I think this D may be legit.

John Difool
John Difool

Except when they’re not.

WhyEaglesWhy

The D is definitely legit. There’s simply no other way a team with this kind of offense can be 3-3.

makeitsnowondem

I drafted Peyton Manning and Sam Bradford this year, and these two quarterbacks are on track to make several defenses apiece, including their own, better.

Doktor Zymm

They didn’t do great at stopping the offensive juggernaut that is Kirk Cousins.

makeitsnowondem

Sorry for not following up on this earlier, OSZ: I usually post Beer Barrel on Saturday morning or early afternoon, because I can rarely spend enough time with an individual beer before Friday evening to write a proper review. Cuntler used to do it Thursday or Friday. So, like, whenever you’re comfortable with? It doesn’t matter.

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

How will Sam Bradford punt to the Giants this possession?

WhyEaglesWhy

How is Sproles back in this game? Someone’s derelict.

Doktor Zymm

The Eagles beat the Giants. The Giants beat the [*Redacteds]. The [*Redacteds] beat the Eagles.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
THE CIRCLE OF DERP

John Difool
John Difool

Or Circlederp..

King Hippo

The transitive property and the NFC East will lead one to very disturbing conclusions indeed.

I am pretty sure Steve Spurrier was the second shooter on the grassy knoll. The pieces fit.

John Difool
John Difool
King Hippo

WHERE THE SLAVE WOMEN AT, AMIRITE BRO??

King Hippo

I don;t find AT&T Lily attractive. COME AT ME, BRO

Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

You’re dead to me

Dunstan
Dunstan

Great! Now I only have to compete with the other 3,499,999,999 men on the planet!

Redshirt

I’m glad you’ve come to terms with your homosexuality. Be proud!

King Hippo

I don’t understand how women can possibly be attracted to us at all. Men are just the worst, there is nothing appealing about the male body whatsoever.

WhyEaglesWhy

She’s okay, but she’s no Flo.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

I know the best eye doctors in the world, bro.

I’ll hook you up.

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King Hippo

And I’m usually REALLY into Eastern European ladyfolk, too. Katarina Witt, mein Gott.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

She’s Central Asian, not Eastern European.

King Hippo

I get lost in the line of demarcation within the former Soviet bloc. I just know inferior potassium!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

To each their own, man.

Somebody yesterday called Brittney Daniel a man.

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King Hippo

As my teenagers would say, that cray-cray

Martin

I like her twin sister.

Martin
Moonbatting Average
Moonbatting Average

HI LILY CALL ME

Redshirt

She’ll call you to invite you to our wedding.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

CANT SPELL DERPOCALYPSE WITHOUT OCALYPSE