Your Faux-Existential Monday Night Thread

Everywhere you turn around these days it seems like things are going to shit. Whether it’s be-headings abroad or mass shootings here or government officials telling outright lies and not being called on it or hell, not getting that raise you were promised-don’t you think it would be nice to have some semblance of order? I’m not talking law and order, I’m just saying things should occasionally make a little sense. “But scotchnaut”, you interrupted before I was finished my thought-“the world is full of grey areas, there are no absolutes.” Sure, I get that and I’m with you most of the time but it would be nice if things were simpler, just for a bit. I’m not asking for ball-jarring change either. Let’s start off small-say, I don’t know…hmm, what about a Giants victory tonight? A win would separate them from the Eagles, a loss would send the NFC East into a chaotic jumble of two 3-3 teams followed by  a 2-3 team. More messiness for you, me and the world to deal with. Embrace Clarity. Go Giants!

NYG @ Phi: Eli has been a whole ‘nutella QB so far this year. He’s got the 10 TD’s with only 2 picks (though he could regress in a heartbeat and add 3 to the total tonight) and due to some very solid play from O-linemen Pugh, Richburg and Schwartz he’s only been sacked 4 times. Red zone-wise the Giants grade out at 29th in the league. (I read that Coughlin calls it the green zone because ‘green means go’ and of course the lawn thing). The three-headed mediocrity of Vereen, Jennings and Williams aren’t doing the running game any favours, Beckham is hamstringed by a leg injury as is Randle plus Kennard and Prince are out. The Eagles have taken 10 of the last 13 from NY but DeMarco does have a putrid 2.7 ypc and Matthews is out. If it falls on Bradford I’ll take my chances.

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Spur
Redshirt

Is it possible for both teams to get a loss?

Why Thank You Eddie

Yes if you believe Dark Knight Rising

WhyEaglesWhy

So, the Eagles have one inside linebacker now. Makes it hard to play a 3-4.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Billie Piper just because this game is unwatchable. Especially after Eli on that last play

http://www.wallpapervortex.com/ipad_wallpapers/ipad_1000-celebrity_billie_piper_wallpaper.jpg

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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SFW but it isn’t showing up so I added the link

Dick E. Phuck

For fuck’s sake

Gratliff

How the fuck is that a pass?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Moonbatting Average

Any Canadians wanna come down and help with our election? We won’t deport you*

*unless brown

JerryJones-Thugs-N-Harmony

Is Russel Crowe still fighting around the world or is it trailer time?

packman_jon

Marshall Newhouse is still a starter in this league…how?

Brick Meathook

I’m glad Canada is having an election.

Queen Elizabeth II seems like a very nice lady, but she has been your ruler for far too long.

Col. Duke LaCross

I thought that was “The Far Side?”

Col. Duke LaCross

Replied to the wrong comment. Apologize.

King Hippo

Admittedly, I am 2 pills and 1 beer into this Monday night. I gets my cartoonists mixed-up and shit.

Brick Meathook

I get Queen Elizabeth and Charles Addams mixed up all the time.

Gratliff

Eli may retire before Pey Pey.

John Difool

Eli’s idea of a doublemove is eating Pez on the toilet.

Sharkbait

This game has so much herp we’re all going to need Valtrex before the second half.

King Hippo

My American website says that Trudeau (the guy who wrote Doonesbury??) is projected to be PM official-like.

The Maestro

Nah, son of former PM, but essentially the white bilingual Barack Obama. Youth vote has spurred him to power.

Nice hair, though.

makeitsnowondem

Call me crazy, but I don’t think Sam Bradford is going to kick OSZ’s ass for me.

WhyEaglesWhy

Did he just say “one of the best receiving black backs in football”?

Doktor Zymm

THESE GIANTS FANS I CALL THEM PROMETHEUS BECAUSE EAGLES ARE CAUSING THEM SERIOUS LIVER DAMAGE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like this a lot.

Dick E. Phuck

Banner comment

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The ghost of Donovan McNabb smiled upon that pass.

Moonbatting Average

So has Canadia reelected Frostback Dubya yet?

The Maestro

Nope, they’re going with white bilingual Barack Obama instead.

litre_cola

Nope. Looks like we got the young guy, should be entertaining when Murica elects Trump.

King Hippo

He lost. But I can’t help noticing the lack of a cool black guy replacement. FOAR SHAME!

Badger

Guys, I was counting on the Giants kicker to make up the 19 fantasy points I need to win my matchup. What the hell?

Sill Bimmons

Bradford just doesn’t seem to like his teammates very much.

WhyEaglesWhy

Every time Bradford hands off, he looks like Elaine Benes dancing.

The Maestro

*comes home*

*turns on game*

*sees score*

But… what happened to the derp? I WAS PROMISED THERE WOULD BE DERP

Gratliff

Oh, there has been derp.

litre_cola

So much derp.

Dick E. Phuck

“We’ll give you a derp you won’t believe.”
Chip Kelly and Tom Coughlin before the game

Brick Meathook

FanDuel of DraftKings?

King Hippo

So that Donnell drop inside the 5 was mildly vexing, eh?

Why Thank You Eddie

So. How far is Scotchnaut prepared to go win?

/Throws voodoo bones on table

Doktor Zymm

That was the least exciting QB scramble I’ve seen.

John Difool

What the Eagles are doing to Eli right now… well, someone should call Chris Hansen.

WhyEaglesWhy

The only winner in this game? Chuck Pagano.

King Hippo

SHIT, I was gonna go to bed but now I kinda have to see how this shitshow ends.

Sharkbait
King Hippo

2 attempted pick sixes in that 3 and out.

King Hippo

5 meowmeowbeenz

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This is an ugly first half”

– someone watching Andrew Luck slowly open a sliding door

Gratliff

Eli is living in sheer terror right now. That line is falling apart.

Moonbatting Average

THIS GAME I CALL IT DEREK JETER BECAUSE IT’S FULL OF HERP

Sharkbait

Fake…fake….drop.

The derp…it’s so beautiful

Doktor Zymm

“This is an ugly first half”

-From the book of stock phrases they pull out for every NFC East divisional game

Gratliff

It’s part of the TV guide preview, usually.

Redshirt

“This is a defensive struggle”

WhyEaglesWhy

These teams are playing like the winner gets a free trip to Somalia.

King Hippo

WORSE. First place in the NFC East. There is no esacpe, Black Hawk Down forevs.

JustStopDude

comment image

blackroseMD1

Chargers need to sign this kid before next Sunday.

John Difool

This game, I call it…

THE ARISTOCRATS

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To be fair, was Bradford EVER ready for a snap at the NFL level?

King Hippo

His legs were!

Redshirt

That center knew the instant that snapped that he fucked up.

JustStopDude

Center forgot which eye he was suppose to aim for in Bradford’s head.

“What a great looking group of kids”

Holy fuck that was creepy, Jon

Moonbatting Average

Shoulda punted

Doktor Zymm

Yeesh. I go away for a few minutes to put away groceries and everything goes crazy-bananas.

Making lamb/turkey broth tomorrow with lamb bones and turkey backs. Any of you chefy type people have any good broth tips?

Moonbatting Average

Roast the bones in 400 degree oven to brown them

Old School Zero

Brown everything well–the bones, the veggies, everything.

blordinaryfagicmox
Gratliff

Dick kid for MVP

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