It’s One O’Clock-Do You Know Where Your Games Are? Thread.

Atl @ Ten: Looks like Jason McCourty will be the latest CB to bathe in the awesomeness that is Julio. This six point thread seems out of whack. If I had a gambling problem I’d be all over this. The Titans are playing the last of 4 straight games at home and will likely have no wins to show for it. Mariota has missed a few practices so you know what that means-“It’s Somethingberger Time!” He brings the classic “big arm” and a gaudy 0-6 record to the field.

TB @ Was: Hardcore Fans Only! should be posted somewhere. Winston has the highest pick percentage this year. Kirk Cousins replies, “Oh Yeah? If you start from the beginning of last year, I  have the highest pick percentage in the league.” Guys, guys-don’t fight, just try to play well. You can do that can’t you? RB Morris has been given the bum’s rush. The Pro Bowler, after running 25 times for 125 yds in the opener has seen his carries go 18, 6, 17, 8 and 11. Jones looks impressive when he does play but even RB3 Thompson is running the ball here and there. Gruden has no faith in the run game and a pick-friendly QB. Let the search for the next HC commence!

NO @ Ind: The line is 4.5 here. Neither of these D’s can stop dragging their fans’ hearts around, let alone opposing D’s. Will He Sneeze is the Saints WR with the most receiving yards with 436. You would think that at some point Luck is going to turn things around. That’s what my ever-lovin’ fantasy brain repeats to me ad nauseam anyway. But Luck is inside and at home against a below-average D. The stars are aligning, buddy boy.

Min @ Det: Peterson has been down-graded to questionable due to illness but I’m sure the team MD’s will fill him with enough ‘vitamins’ to ensure he’s a go.  Minny has only reached the red zone 17 times this year. Luckily for them the D is crushing it and opposing O’s. They’ve given up more than 20 points only once this year. Stafford’s doughy arm has thrown for 1600 + yds to date. Perhaps always playing from behind has something to do with him dropping back to pass 73% of the time. I don’t know-I’m not an expert.

Pit @ KC: Ben’s out unless he can ‘talk the team into playing him’ which sounds plain stupid until you discover that he’s done it before which sounds doubly stupid. Steelers D is looking okay these days-they would seem to be up to the task of stuffing West/Davis today. Pearl-clutching was the proper response to JC going down but what about Maclin’s concussed bean? Smith’s completion % to Maclin was 70 and good for an average of almost 10 yds. Spaghetti Arm’s percentage drops to 50 when he targets all other WR’s. That’s one hell of a safety valve to be without. Steelers win big.

Cle @ StL: The Browns have given up 16 sacks in the last 4 games and Saint Loo has the third most sacks in the league. Say a prayer for McCown, he won’t be with us much longer. Mr. Gurley has put up 146 and 159 the last two weeks on the road. I wonder how he might do against the 22nd-ranked rushing D at home? This game is over at approx. 1:07pm.

Hou @ Mia: The Texans have no issues in the passing game which is unusual given the fact that they’ve boounced back and forth between Hoyermallet and Mallethoyer. They’re 3rd in the league in total yards and going up against the 4th stingiest passing D. The Dolph’s are 25th in passing and even worse (30th) running the ball. I’m not putting it on Tannehill though. He has made significant progress every year since 2012 in yds thrown, completion % and interception %. So I’ll be looking elsewhere. I’ll let you know when I find it.

NYJ @ NE: We are all Jets fans today, aren’t we? I actually belong to a rather large subset labeled “Jets fan actively cheering for a Brady injury”. I’ll probably feel bad for a minute or two if it happened, thinking that by rooting for it I made it come true. But then I’d come back to reality as Garoppolo(?) comes in and leads the Pats to a come-from-behind win and I try to find a cat to kick. God, even my worst-case Pats scenarios turn into best-case Pats scenarios.

 

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ProzacElf

How’d Houston wind up scoring 26 points?

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Does this shit work?

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Apparently it does. Also, fucking shit.

blaxabbath

Amendola: “I’m not doing an interview unless you give me a reporter I want to fuck!”

34 for 54 for 355 passing yards, 16 running yards on maybe 10 attempts, methinks the NFL has been overly accomodating to the Greatriots style of play.

blordinaryfagicmox

Or have the patriots adapted to the NFL’s rules? I remember when brady first started playing, and for at least the first super bowl, he was kind’ve looked down on as a qb, called a “game manager,” defense won championships, etc. etc.
The truth is probably, as usual, somewhere unsatisfyingly in the middle.

JustStopDude

Is Romo playing yet? Too lazy to bother to open up another window and check…

Dear god…that’s…pathe…someone else finish my comment…too tired…

John Difool

Nope, the Cowboys are going with the Cassel Doctrine this week.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

If Foster is done for the year I’ll have lost both him and Charles in a league. OH COOL

Doktor Zymm

“If you go into the bye with the biggest comeback in franchise history, you’re gonna feel really confident”

Even if that happened because you were down 24 points to the Buccs?!

John Difool

It’s a shot in the arm right before going up to Foxboro and getting raped.

King Hippo

At least you still have the Dirt Jets.

Smithchez

The only ending that could’ve been more “That’s so Jets!” would have been a successful hail mary followed by a missed extra point.

Welp…

Bortleback

Did anybody else notice that the game clock wasn’t running in the Bucs/Washington game? It stayed at 12 seconds for the whole play.

JustStopDude

Yeah. It was a goofy both review because even if the Skins didn’t recover the ball, the clock would not have stopped. I don’t get how they determined there was 5 seconds left…

Dunstan

Andy Reid is intrigued by this notion of time being run off the clock.

blaxabbath

Cocksucking CBS announcers didn’t even know it was a run off!

Doktor Zymm

The Skins game ends with a backbreaking turnover……and it’s NOT the Skins who turned it over?

A TWIST!

King Hippo

Onside butt fumble, sorta

ProzacElf

I’m so glad I’ve been stuck watching WAS/TB here.

ProzacElf

And that the Jets apparently thought college rules applied.

JustStopDude

Congrats DC…that’s your Superbowl..

blaxabbath

Yeah Jets!!!

This is going to be brilliant if Bowles says, “Yeah, we just let them score so we could score 10 straight on their D.”

Oh goody…

John Difool

Wow

Gratliff

OTHER BRANDON!

King Hippo

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Redshirt

Bucs gonna Yuck.

Redshirt

Come on Jets. Somehow pull this off!

(no way in hell)

blaxabbath

Seriously. FUCK this CBS crew. These guys are HORRIBLE (NE/NYJ).

Spanky Datass

Ian Eagle ad Dan CTE Fouts, ugh.

King Hippo

Backdoor? COVERED!!!!!

Redshirt

http://static.fjcdn .com/pictures/Holy_b6d592_535243.jpg

Technically not NSFW but its suggestive (delete the space)

John Difool

Thank you [*Redacted] s, now I can enjoy my Manning face or Cowboy’s Schadenfreude.

John Difool

That is, if you don’t screw the pooch on special teams.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, all this victory talk is premature.

King Hippo

That’s what you dumb muthafuckas get for kicking the FG from the 3.

JustStopDude

Fun Fed Ex Field Fact: Since this game has started, the [*Redacted] s have removed over 1000 seats to maintain their sellout record.

Doktor Zymm

The Buccs tie the franchise record for most flags in a game. All Hail Beergh!

WCS

HAIL BEERGH

WCS

Did Nick Mangold die?

Redshirt

This [*Redacted] s game, I call it “Turnabout Intruder” because its going to end with Kirk doing something crazy.

47 internet points for the person to get this without having to look it up.

blaxabbath

WEEI Post-Game Caller:

“And the best thing about beating the Jets?! We showed them a black man has no business coaching. And ya know why?! CUZ HE’S A FACKIN’ NI –”

Commercial for tartar sauce cuts in.

Doktor Zymm

Time for your weekly episode of “How will Kirk Cousins fuck this up?”

The hot new game show that’s sweeping the nation!

John Difool

It’s not his fault RG3 has learned the art of voodoo.

Bortleback

How do you get a voodoo doll to throw an int?

blaxabbath

Don’t get CBS any ideas…

Redshirt

To those who say the most offensive thing about Washington is there team name, I say they haven’t seen their alternate jerseys. As well as their quarterback. And GM.

Fuck NE, fuck this league for accommodating this pass happy fucks.

blordinaryfagicmox

4 called runs all game as far as I can tell. Not that Im bitter, starting two pats running backs this week

blaxabbath

Hate NE.

Redshirt

I see the Jets have finally said “Fuck it! We wanna go home!”

John Difool

Kirk Cousins pick-six or strip-sack fumble incoming

Senor Weaselo

Well, this is about 95% how I expected this to go. Hell, if they kick a field goal, I’d have the final score.

/Pats proceed to score TD
//Senor loses the spread

WCS

Get this man a bottle of whiskey.

Senor Weaselo

I’m in the process of getting dressed for a concert. So after that.

Senor Weaselo

As I was saying.

Sill Bimmons

Welp, that pretty much all went wrong.

Nap time!

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