Atl @ Ten: Looks like Jason McCourty will be the latest CB to bathe in the awesomeness that is Julio. This six point thread seems out of whack. If I had a gambling problem I’d be all over this. The Titans are playing the last of 4 straight games at home and will likely have no wins to show for it. Mariota has missed a few practices so you know what that means-“It’s Somethingberger Time!” He brings the classic “big arm” and a gaudy 0-6 record to the field.
TB @ Was: Hardcore Fans Only! should be posted somewhere. Winston has the highest pick percentage this year. Kirk Cousins replies, “Oh Yeah? If you start from the beginning of last year, I have the highest pick percentage in the league.” Guys, guys-don’t fight, just try to play well. You can do that can’t you? RB Morris has been given the bum’s rush. The Pro Bowler, after running 25 times for 125 yds in the opener has seen his carries go 18, 6, 17, 8 and 11. Jones looks impressive when he does play but even RB3 Thompson is running the ball here and there. Gruden has no faith in the run game and a pick-friendly QB. Let the search for the next HC commence!
NO @ Ind: The line is 4.5 here. Neither of these D’s can stop dragging their fans’ hearts around, let alone opposing D’s. Will He Sneeze is the Saints WR with the most receiving yards with 436. You would think that at some point Luck is going to turn things around. That’s what my ever-lovin’ fantasy brain repeats to me ad nauseam anyway. But Luck is inside and at home against a below-average D. The stars are aligning, buddy boy.
Min @ Det: Peterson has been down-graded to questionable due to illness but I’m sure the team MD’s will fill him with enough ‘vitamins’ to ensure he’s a go. Minny has only reached the red zone 17 times this year. Luckily for them the D is crushing it and opposing O’s. They’ve given up more than 20 points only once this year. Stafford’s doughy arm has thrown for 1600 + yds to date. Perhaps always playing from behind has something to do with him dropping back to pass 73% of the time. I don’t know-I’m not an expert.
Pit @ KC: Ben’s out unless he can ‘talk the team into playing him’ which sounds plain stupid until you discover that he’s done it before which sounds doubly stupid. Steelers D is looking okay these days-they would seem to be up to the task of stuffing West/Davis today. Pearl-clutching was the proper response to JC going down but what about Maclin’s concussed bean? Smith’s completion % to Maclin was 70 and good for an average of almost 10 yds. Spaghetti Arm’s percentage drops to 50 when he targets all other WR’s. That’s one hell of a safety valve to be without. Steelers win big.
Cle @ StL: The Browns have given up 16 sacks in the last 4 games and Saint Loo has the third most sacks in the league. Say a prayer for McCown, he won’t be with us much longer. Mr. Gurley has put up 146 and 159 the last two weeks on the road. I wonder how he might do against the 22nd-ranked rushing D at home? This game is over at approx. 1:07pm.
Hou @ Mia: The Texans have no issues in the passing game which is unusual given the fact that they’ve boounced back and forth between Hoyermallet and Mallethoyer. They’re 3rd in the league in total yards and going up against the 4th stingiest passing D. The Dolph’s are 25th in passing and even worse (30th) running the ball. I’m not putting it on Tannehill though. He has made significant progress every year since 2012 in yds thrown, completion % and interception %. So I’ll be looking elsewhere. I’ll let you know when I find it.
NYJ @ NE: We are all Jets fans today, aren’t we? I actually belong to a rather large subset labeled “Jets fan actively cheering for a Brady injury”. I’ll probably feel bad for a minute or two if it happened, thinking that by rooting for it I made it come true. But then I’d come back to reality as Garoppolo(?) comes in and leads the Pats to a come-from-behind win and I try to find a cat to kick. God, even my worst-case Pats scenarios turn into best-case Pats scenarios.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/03b92c2472204c87c1ea0a1197f9693f/tumblr_nlohorx7WS1u80nl9o1_1280.png
How’d Houston wind up scoring 26 points?
Does this shit work?
Apparently it does. Also, fucking shit.
Amendola: “I’m not doing an interview unless you give me a reporter I want to fuck!”
34 for 54 for 355 passing yards, 16 running yards on maybe 10 attempts, methinks the NFL has been overly accomodating to the Greatriots style of play.
Or have the patriots adapted to the NFL’s rules? I remember when brady first started playing, and for at least the first super bowl, he was kind’ve looked down on as a qb, called a “game manager,” defense won championships, etc. etc.
The truth is probably, as usual, somewhere unsatisfyingly in the middle.
Is Romo playing yet? Too lazy to bother to open up another window and check…
Dear god…that’s…pathe…someone else finish my comment…too tired…
Nope, the Cowboys are going with the Cassel Doctrine this week.
If Foster is done for the year I’ll have lost both him and Charles in a league. OH COOL
“If you go into the bye with the biggest comeback in franchise history, you’re gonna feel really confident”
Even if that happened because you were down 24 points to the Buccs?!
It’s a shot in the arm right before going up to Foxboro and getting raped.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/af6675af0235835a297244bb21ae773d/tumblr_mly6cuOrdH1rhi0rbo1_500.jpg
At least you still have the Dirt Jets.
The only ending that could’ve been more “That’s so Jets!” would have been a successful hail mary followed by a missed extra point.
Welp…
Did anybody else notice that the game clock wasn’t running in the Bucs/Washington game? It stayed at 12 seconds for the whole play.
Yeah. It was a goofy both review because even if the Skins didn’t recover the ball, the clock would not have stopped. I don’t get how they determined there was 5 seconds left…
Andy Reid is intrigued by this notion of time being run off the clock.
Cocksucking CBS announcers didn’t even know it was a run off!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/23bbd93a11e9dfb410c8e37395c25c81/tumblr_nlml50Siih1qbipv3o1_500.png
http://40.media.tumblr.com/dd5b38ab3b7b231ab72e1652a3105e35/tumblr_nlml50Siih1qbipv3o2_500.png
The Skins game ends with a backbreaking turnover……and it’s NOT the Skins who turned it over?
A TWIST!
Onside butt fumble, sorta
I’m so glad I’ve been stuck watching WAS/TB here.
And that the Jets apparently thought college rules applied.
Congrats DC…that’s your Superbowl..
Yeah Jets!!!
This is going to be brilliant if Bowles says, “Yeah, we just let them score so we could score 10 straight on their D.”
Oh goody…
Wow
OTHER BRANDON!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Bucs gonna Yuck.
Come on Jets. Somehow pull this off!
(no way in hell)
Seriously. FUCK this CBS crew. These guys are HORRIBLE (NE/NYJ).
Ian Eagle ad Dan CTE Fouts, ugh.
Backdoor? COVERED!!!!!
http://static.fjcdn .com/pictures/Holy_b6d592_535243.jpg
Technically not NSFW but its suggestive (delete the space)
Thank you [*Redacted] s, now I can enjoy my Manning face or Cowboy’s Schadenfreude.
That is, if you don’t screw the pooch on special teams.
Yeah, all this victory talk is premature.
That’s what you dumb muthafuckas get for kicking the FG from the 3.
Fun Fed Ex Field Fact: Since this game has started, the [*Redacted] s have removed over 1000 seats to maintain their sellout record.
http://ih1.redbubble.net/image.29595242.8581/ra,relaxed_fit,x3104,white,front-c,600,650,900,850-bg,f8f8f8.1u3.jpg
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vpE6uMJ37dk/UOScrne47aI/AAAAAAAAEL4/Ki-4IWO-SoY/s1600/ron-paul.gif
The Buccs tie the franchise record for most flags in a game. All Hail Beergh!
HAIL BEERGH
Did Nick Mangold die?
This [*Redacted] s game, I call it “Turnabout Intruder” because its going to end with Kirk doing something crazy.
47 internet points for the person to get this without having to look it up.
WEEI Post-Game Caller:
“And the best thing about beating the Jets?! We showed them a black man has no business coaching. And ya know why?! CUZ HE’S A FACKIN’ NI –”
Commercial for tartar sauce cuts in.
Time for your weekly episode of “How will Kirk Cousins fuck this up?”
The hot new game show that’s sweeping the nation!
It’s not his fault RG3 has learned the art of voodoo.
How do you get a voodoo doll to throw an int?
Don’t get CBS any ideas…
To those who say the most offensive thing about Washington is there team name, I say they haven’t seen their alternate jerseys. As well as their quarterback. And GM.
Fuck NE, fuck this league for accommodating this pass happy fucks.
4 called runs all game as far as I can tell. Not that Im bitter, starting two pats running backs this week
Hate NE.
I see the Jets have finally said “Fuck it! We wanna go home!”
Kirk Cousins pick-six or strip-sack fumble incoming
Well, this is about 95% how I expected this to go. Hell, if they kick a field goal, I’d have the final score.
/Pats proceed to score TD
//Senor loses the spread
Get this man a bottle of whiskey.
I’m in the process of getting dressed for a concert. So after that.
As I was saying.
I feel sick…
Welp, that pretty much all went wrong.
Nap time!