Atl @ Ten: Looks like Jason McCourty will be the latest CB to bathe in the awesomeness that is Julio. This six point thread seems out of whack. If I had a gambling problem I’d be all over this. The Titans are playing the last of 4 straight games at home and will likely have no wins to show for it. Mariota has missed a few practices so you know what that means-“It’s Somethingberger Time!” He brings the classic “big arm” and a gaudy 0-6 record to the field.
TB @ Was: Hardcore Fans Only! should be posted somewhere. Winston has the highest pick percentage this year. Kirk Cousins replies, “Oh Yeah? If you start from the beginning of last year, I have the highest pick percentage in the league.” Guys, guys-don’t fight, just try to play well. You can do that can’t you? RB Morris has been given the bum’s rush. The Pro Bowler, after running 25 times for 125 yds in the opener has seen his carries go 18, 6, 17, 8 and 11. Jones looks impressive when he does play but even RB3 Thompson is running the ball here and there. Gruden has no faith in the run game and a pick-friendly QB. Let the search for the next HC commence!
NO @ Ind: The line is 4.5 here. Neither of these D’s can stop dragging their fans’ hearts around, let alone opposing D’s. Will He Sneeze is the Saints WR with the most receiving yards with 436. You would think that at some point Luck is going to turn things around. That’s what my ever-lovin’ fantasy brain repeats to me ad nauseam anyway. But Luck is inside and at home against a below-average D. The stars are aligning, buddy boy.
Min @ Det: Peterson has been down-graded to questionable due to illness but I’m sure the team MD’s will fill him with enough ‘vitamins’ to ensure he’s a go. Minny has only reached the red zone 17 times this year. Luckily for them the D is crushing it and opposing O’s. They’ve given up more than 20 points only once this year. Stafford’s doughy arm has thrown for 1600 + yds to date. Perhaps always playing from behind has something to do with him dropping back to pass 73% of the time. I don’t know-I’m not an expert.
Pit @ KC: Ben’s out unless he can ‘talk the team into playing him’ which sounds plain stupid until you discover that he’s done it before which sounds doubly stupid. Steelers D is looking okay these days-they would seem to be up to the task of stuffing West/Davis today. Pearl-clutching was the proper response to JC going down but what about Maclin’s concussed bean? Smith’s completion % to Maclin was 70 and good for an average of almost 10 yds. Spaghetti Arm’s percentage drops to 50 when he targets all other WR’s. That’s one hell of a safety valve to be without. Steelers win big.
Cle @ StL: The Browns have given up 16 sacks in the last 4 games and Saint Loo has the third most sacks in the league. Say a prayer for McCown, he won’t be with us much longer. Mr. Gurley has put up 146 and 159 the last two weeks on the road. I wonder how he might do against the 22nd-ranked rushing D at home? This game is over at approx. 1:07pm.
Hou @ Mia: The Texans have no issues in the passing game which is unusual given the fact that they’ve boounced back and forth between Hoyermallet and Mallethoyer. They’re 3rd in the league in total yards and going up against the 4th stingiest passing D. The Dolph’s are 25th in passing and even worse (30th) running the ball. I’m not putting it on Tannehill though. He has made significant progress every year since 2012 in yds thrown, completion % and interception %. So I’ll be looking elsewhere. I’ll let you know when I find it.
NYJ @ NE: We are all Jets fans today, aren’t we? I actually belong to a rather large subset labeled “Jets fan actively cheering for a Brady injury”. I’ll probably feel bad for a minute or two if it happened, thinking that by rooting for it I made it come true. But then I’d come back to reality as Garoppolo(?) comes in and leads the Pats to a come-from-behind win and I try to find a cat to kick. God, even my worst-case Pats scenarios turn into best-case Pats scenarios.
http://i.imgur.com/8BNVwTh.gif
Back in 2011 during the “Suck for Luck” campaign the Colts lost to the Saints 62-7. They’re on pace to lose 56-0 today. Progress!
All about the U
#Dreamboatflip
Remember when J.J. Watt and Andrew Luck were going to win the NFL MVP this year? That was fun.
And you thought the Dolphins had built an insurmountable lead
http://i.imgur.com/urf81FH.png
I have a Dolphins/Bucs/ Stillers parlay, I need Boss Todd to get his shit together.
There are lots of things Brady is like. A Cheetah is not one of them.
Say it with a Boston accent, and that’s exactly what he’s like.
+10 and good hustle
She set it up. I just came along and knocked it down.
Like this a million times
Not according to Moynahan
BLOWOUTS FOR EVERYBODY
We almost had a big guy INT…
Dolphins up 35????
That is the purest DERP i’ve ever seen. Great job Texans.
That’s two weeks running I have seen an opposing defensive player get a rear naked choke hold from a Pats defensive player. That’s bold even for the NFL.
Zero penalties?
He said it was Patriots players
Dolphins are whipping out the evil on Youuuston. Nobody cares.
http://www.sickchirpse.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/scary-dolphin-670×341.jpg
Frank Gore deserves better than this shit team.
Brandon LaFell down and dropped the ball.
That’ll Chefs. That’ll go.
http://www.thestorestarters.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/chefs.png
*That’ll do, Chefs. That’ll do.
http://media.giphy.com/media/pKEufUXBqsLi8/giphy.gif
Gary Kubiak just looked at the Houston score and had another heart attack.
Griff got his ass kicked. Back to the Future II got it right.
http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/bttf/images/7/7b/Griff-tannen-back-to-the-future-ii.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20111124103720
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SACK STRIP FUMBLE TD!!!!
Burn DC BURN!!!!
Todd Haley is the stupidest fuckng man alive.
He went back to Williams. He really will never admit when he’s wrong. Just keep hitting on 17.
“Alive, try last 500 years”
Donuts the Camarro in PNC Park
Haha fuck the Steelers.
He blowout gods are appeased in dolphin stadium last two games
Well, the Jets’ offensive competence had a good run.
I am OK with that lack of a drive…. I was fully expecting the recent success to get the better of them and lead to a stupid turnover.
Griff Whelan: Less grit than some other gritsters.
He only fumbled because some of the “urban” players put the rap music on in the locker room during pregame. He went to Stanford.
I’m enjoying the Texans’ struggle. Only because fuck JJ Watt.
It bears repeating….fuck JJ Watt’s steroid ass.
Pagano trying to coach against Belichik and Payton is a close approximation of what it would be like to watch Rick Perry play chess against Kasparov and Bobby Fischer in consecutive weeks.
I would watch that.
Does Perry get to wear his glasses?
HOOMYWOOMYDOWN
I think we are about to learn if you can fire a coach with cancer or not.
Apparently the Skins gave up on their season at the same time I did. Though it could just be that the entire team is injured or Kirk Cousins.
So is RGIII just sitting on the sidelines counting hundreds, saying, “that’s another one for doing nothing….. And this one is for not laughing at Cousins….?”
He’s finally reaping the benefits of having two coaches actively try to destroy his body and reputation.
JAX D/ST put up 79.00 in the insanity league.
TANNYFANNYDOWNFOUR: It was a screen pass ….
http://33.media.tumblr.com/a6dbac4fd004d3b8a3f33924cc372e3e/tumblr_nrmwnd7L6a1syvjuco2_100.gif
My first-born son was worth it! So long, fella!
Tannehill has 4 TDs? That has to be a mistake
Sacrifices to the Draft Kings paid off
I like this new “air defense” scheme from the Texans.
Holy FUCKBALLS Texans D
Is McCown a real life Charlie Brown?
Holy shit, nice toss by Rapey Jameis
I’m going to make it past two o’clock on a Sunday before having my first drink. It’s a Jestivus miracle!
I made it to 11:30, which was impressive considering we had Morning Football Derp.
I refuse to believe that. I am avoiding work and getting tipsy so I don’t have to paint sober. I can really only hold out for 15 more min so back to Redzone
GIFs are up
http://i.imgur.com/Uq67cgy.gif
Bumbles bounce!
He forgot to open up a portal.
Gotta give the guy credit. He didn’t plow the cheerleader in the back.
Like the Ben does?
Who cut McCown’s brakes?
Wait, how is there a low block on the kicking team?
I’m trying to figure that out myself…. But it’s New England. The bailout calls have to start *sometime.*
Saints just burned their third timeout of the 1st quarter.
Well you don’t get any points if you have extra timeouts at the end of the quarter.
I’ll give you one timeout next Sunday for a fourth timeout today.
Andy Reid nods in approval, then throws the flag again.
I felt a disturbance in the Force. As if a thousand Jets fans started to celebrate but then stopped because they forgot how to celebrate.
Is celebrating where you weep a bunch or the one where you punch your television?
Ooooo ooooo oooo I know!! It’s the one where your dog hides behind the couch while you throw the coffee table at the wall!!!
Brees REALLY didn’t want to take a sack…
BAILOUT FRAG
GIMME THAT MOTHAFUCKIN SIX FOOT OXY ALREADY
OHPLEASEDOWN
Breesus H Christ, what the fuck was that?
I give Supergirl 5 weeks max
You’re optimistic, aren’t you? I’m expecting a cancel order by the 3rd commercial break.
I’m surprised one wasn’t done by the previews. I’ve seen better acting in pornos…or so I’ve heard.
They leaked the pilot 5 days after SNL mocked everything there were doing on the show. It is CBS though, it will last a year
Not liking Jets competence
boo
We will like it enough to make up for your dissent.
GO MF’ING JETS!
J E T S..JETS JETS JETS
Kerleydown!
Great minds, sir. Great minds.