It’s One O’Clock-Do You Know Where Your Games Are? Thread.

Atl @ Ten: Looks like Jason McCourty will be the latest CB to bathe in the awesomeness that is Julio. This six point thread seems out of whack. If I had a gambling problem I’d be all over this. The Titans are playing the last of 4 straight games at home and will likely have no wins to show for it. Mariota has missed a few practices so you know what that means-“It’s Somethingberger Time!” He brings the classic “big arm” and a gaudy 0-6 record to the field.

TB @ Was: Hardcore Fans Only! should be posted somewhere. Winston has the highest pick percentage this year. Kirk Cousins replies, “Oh Yeah? If you start from the beginning of last year, I  have the highest pick percentage in the league.” Guys, guys-don’t fight, just try to play well. You can do that can’t you? RB Morris has been given the bum’s rush. The Pro Bowler, after running 25 times for 125 yds in the opener has seen his carries go 18, 6, 17, 8 and 11. Jones looks impressive when he does play but even RB3 Thompson is running the ball here and there. Gruden has no faith in the run game and a pick-friendly QB. Let the search for the next HC commence!

NO @ Ind: The line is 4.5 here. Neither of these D’s can stop dragging their fans’ hearts around, let alone opposing D’s. Will He Sneeze is the Saints WR with the most receiving yards with 436. You would think that at some point Luck is going to turn things around. That’s what my ever-lovin’ fantasy brain repeats to me ad nauseam anyway. But Luck is inside and at home against a below-average D. The stars are aligning, buddy boy.

Min @ Det: Peterson has been down-graded to questionable due to illness but I’m sure the team MD’s will fill him with enough ‘vitamins’ to ensure he’s a go.  Minny has only reached the red zone 17 times this year. Luckily for them the D is crushing it and opposing O’s. They’ve given up more than 20 points only once this year. Stafford’s doughy arm has thrown for 1600 + yds to date. Perhaps always playing from behind has something to do with him dropping back to pass 73% of the time. I don’t know-I’m not an expert.

Pit @ KC: Ben’s out unless he can ‘talk the team into playing him’ which sounds plain stupid until you discover that he’s done it before which sounds doubly stupid. Steelers D is looking okay these days-they would seem to be up to the task of stuffing West/Davis today. Pearl-clutching was the proper response to JC going down but what about Maclin’s concussed bean? Smith’s completion % to Maclin was 70 and good for an average of almost 10 yds. Spaghetti Arm’s percentage drops to 50 when he targets all other WR’s. That’s one hell of a safety valve to be without. Steelers win big.

Cle @ StL: The Browns have given up 16 sacks in the last 4 games and Saint Loo has the third most sacks in the league. Say a prayer for McCown, he won’t be with us much longer. Mr. Gurley has put up 146 and 159 the last two weeks on the road. I wonder how he might do against the 22nd-ranked rushing D at home? This game is over at approx. 1:07pm.

Hou @ Mia: The Texans have no issues in the passing game which is unusual given the fact that they’ve boounced back and forth between Hoyermallet and Mallethoyer. They’re 3rd in the league in total yards and going up against the 4th stingiest passing D. The Dolph’s are 25th in passing and even worse (30th) running the ball. I’m not putting it on Tannehill though. He has made significant progress every year since 2012 in yds thrown, completion % and interception %. So I’ll be looking elsewhere. I’ll let you know when I find it.

NYJ @ NE: We are all Jets fans today, aren’t we? I actually belong to a rather large subset labeled “Jets fan actively cheering for a Brady injury”. I’ll probably feel bad for a minute or two if it happened, thinking that by rooting for it I made it come true. But then I’d come back to reality as Garoppolo(?) comes in and leads the Pats to a come-from-behind win and I try to find a cat to kick. God, even my worst-case Pats scenarios turn into best-case Pats scenarios.

 

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JustStopDude
evilbeaver8

Back in 2011 during the “Suck for Luck” campaign the Colts lost to the Saints 62-7. They’re on pace to lose 56-0 today. Progress!

Gatoraids

All about the U

Senor Weaselo

#Dreamboatflip

Kungjitsu

Remember when J.J. Watt and Andrew Luck were going to win the NFL MVP this year? That was fun.

blordinaryfagicmox

And you thought the Dolphins had built an insurmountable lead
http://i.imgur.com/urf81FH.png

litre_cola

I have a Dolphins/Bucs/ Stillers parlay, I need Boss Todd to get his shit together.

Doktor Zymm

There are lots of things Brady is like. A Cheetah is not one of them.

entropy

Say it with a Boston accent, and that’s exactly what he’s like.

John Difool

+10 and good hustle

entropy

She set it up. I just came along and knocked it down.

litre_cola

Like this a million times

Gatoraids

Not according to Moynahan

Sill Bimmons

BLOWOUTS FOR EVERYBODY

Senor Weaselo

We almost had a big guy INT…

litre_cola

Dolphins up 35????

Dick E. Phuck

That is the purest DERP i’ve ever seen. Great job Texans.

entropy

That’s two weeks running I have seen an opposing defensive player get a rear naked choke hold from a Pats defensive player. That’s bold even for the NFL.

Senor Weaselo

Zero penalties?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

He said it was Patriots players

Spanky Datass

Dolphins are whipping out the evil on Youuuston. Nobody cares.
http://www.sickchirpse.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/scary-dolphin-670×341.jpg

evilbeaver8

Frank Gore deserves better than this shit team.

Senor Weaselo

Brandon LaFell down and dropped the ball.

Redshirt
Redshirt

*That’ll do, Chefs. That’ll do.

http://media.giphy.com/media/pKEufUXBqsLi8/giphy.gif

blordinaryfagicmox

Gary Kubiak just looked at the Houston score and had another heart attack.

Dick E. Phuck
JustStopDude

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SACK STRIP FUMBLE TD!!!!

Burn DC BURN!!!!

Sill Bimmons

Todd Haley is the stupidest fuckng man alive.

King Hippo

He went back to Williams. He really will never admit when he’s wrong. Just keep hitting on 17.

“Alive, try last 500 years”

Donuts the Camarro in PNC Park

Spur

Haha fuck the Steelers.

Gatoraids

He blowout gods are appeased in dolphin stadium last two games

Senor Weaselo

Well, the Jets’ offensive competence had a good run.

entropy

I am OK with that lack of a drive…. I was fully expecting the recent success to get the better of them and lead to a stupid turnover.

Sill Bimmons

Griff Whelan: Less grit than some other gritsters.

evilbeaver8

He only fumbled because some of the “urban” players put the rap music on in the locker room during pregame. He went to Stanford.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

I’m enjoying the Texans’ struggle. Only because fuck JJ Watt.

evilbeaver8

It bears repeating….fuck JJ Watt’s steroid ass.

evilbeaver8

Pagano trying to coach against Belichik and Payton is a close approximation of what it would be like to watch Rick Perry play chess against Kasparov and Bobby Fischer in consecutive weeks.

Senor Weaselo

I would watch that.

King Hippo

Does Perry get to wear his glasses?

Sill Bimmons

HOOMYWOOMYDOWN

King Hippo

I think we are about to learn if you can fire a coach with cancer or not.

Doktor Zymm

Apparently the Skins gave up on their season at the same time I did. Though it could just be that the entire team is injured or Kirk Cousins.

entropy

So is RGIII just sitting on the sidelines counting hundreds, saying, “that’s another one for doing nothing….. And this one is for not laughing at Cousins….?”

Doktor Zymm

He’s finally reaping the benefits of having two coaches actively try to destroy his body and reputation.

Sill Bimmons

JAX D/ST put up 79.00 in the insanity league.

Spanky Datass
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Tannehill has 4 TDs? That has to be a mistake

Gatoraids

Sacrifices to the Draft Kings paid off

Dick E. Phuck

I like this new “air defense” scheme from the Texans.

Sill Bimmons

Holy FUCKBALLS Texans D

Doktor Zymm

Is McCown a real life Charlie Brown?

comment image

King Hippo

Holy shit, nice toss by Rapey Jameis

entropy

I made it to 11:30, which was impressive considering we had Morning Football Derp.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I refuse to believe that. I am avoiding work and getting tipsy so I don’t have to paint sober. I can really only hold out for 15 more min so back to Redzone

Spur
Sill Bimmons

Bumbles bounce!

John Difool

He forgot to open up a portal.

Redshirt

Gotta give the guy credit. He didn’t plow the cheerleader in the back.

Spur

Like the Ben does?

Senor Weaselo

Who cut McCown’s brakes?

Senor Weaselo

Wait, how is there a low block on the kicking team?

entropy

I’m trying to figure that out myself…. But it’s New England. The bailout calls have to start *sometime.*

Sill Bimmons

Saints just burned their third timeout of the 1st quarter.

blordinaryfagicmox

Well you don’t get any points if you have extra timeouts at the end of the quarter.

Redshirt

I’ll give you one timeout next Sunday for a fourth timeout today.

litre_cola

Andy Reid nods in approval, then throws the flag again.

Redshirt

I felt a disturbance in the Force. As if a thousand Jets fans started to celebrate but then stopped because they forgot how to celebrate.

Smithchez

Is celebrating where you weep a bunch or the one where you punch your television?

entropy

Ooooo ooooo oooo I know!! It’s the one where your dog hides behind the couch while you throw the coffee table at the wall!!!

Moonbatting Average

Brees REALLY didn’t want to take a sack…

BAILOUT FRAG

entropy

GIMME THAT MOTHAFUCKIN SIX FOOT OXY ALREADY

Sill Bimmons

OHPLEASEDOWN

comment image

Smithchez

Breesus H Christ, what the fuck was that?

Spur

I give Supergirl 5 weeks max

entropy

You’re optimistic, aren’t you? I’m expecting a cancel order by the 3rd commercial break.

Redshirt

I’m surprised one wasn’t done by the previews. I’ve seen better acting in pornos…or so I’ve heard.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They leaked the pilot 5 days after SNL mocked everything there were doing on the show. It is CBS though, it will last a year

Sharkbait

Not liking Jets competence

Sill Bimmons

boo

King Hippo

We will like it enough to make up for your dissent.

Spur

J E T S..JETS JETS JETS

Senor Weaselo

Kerleydown!

entropy

Great minds, sir. Great minds.