It’s Your “Hope She’s Not A Blow-Out” Fins/Pats Thread

Mia @ NE: Hope. I remember when I felt that. It was quite a long time ago but then a marriage and kids came along and it all came crashing down. The Dolphins and their dozens of fans are feeling that very same thing right now. Don’t tell them that Brady has never lost at home to them. Don’t tell them that Brady has had his biggest games TD-wise and yards-wise against them. It wouldn’t be right. Let them enjoy the fact that they crushed two lousy teams like pretty much everyone else has. You know what my doctor tells me when I’m under the weather?-“take one Texans and one Titans and I guarantee you’ll feel better immediately”. Tannehill, Miller and Campbell are getting ball-washed in the media but there’s the small matter of Cameron Wake that must be addressed. He’d been limping through the season with a hamstring pull and finally got better during the bye week. This has resulted in him collapsing his side of the line and grabbing 6 sacks in those last two victories. On the New England side of things RB Lewis is expected to play and the Pats are expected to win. Big. Look, it’s always nice to see a team get up off the dirt and start hitting back but after this game the Fins get the Bills and the Eagles on the road and a Romo-full Cowboys team at home. Welcome back to Mudville, Miami.

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Spur

When is Suh going to stomp on Gronks nuts?

JustStopDude

HOW YOU FUCKS DOING?!?

FUcking A! What a fucking week. Giving training to a bunch of Texans, Arizonans, and a dude from Michigan on drives. Felt like I was trying to pull teeth from a fucking pile of corpses.

Sill Bimmons

Just turned on the TNF game.

As expected.

Spur

Amendola wants to die.

aceg

Ahh, there’s the Tannehill I know and love…

Spur

Clippers and Mavericks tonight is gonna be good. I plan on Chris Paul being a little bitch and Javale Mcgee to elbow Jordan. Should be good.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
aceg

Yes, all of this. Yes…

Moonbatting Average

Hi guys! How’s the game goin….aw shit, insurmountable lead

WCS

Don’t kid yourself, Scotchy. If a lobster ever had the chance, it kill you and everyone you care about.

Sill Bimmons

This tuna went for $1.76 million because it’s probably one of the last 200+ kilo bluefin left:

http://resources3.news.com.au/images/2013/01/06/1226548/246027-record-tuna-kiyoshi-kimura.jpg

WCS

“He make play good. I make puck. Goal score.” — Evgeni Malkin

tundrajim

How can somebody look so slow yet rack up so much yardage?

nomonkeyfun

Syphillis will be hurled about with great abanson this evening.

...

Welp. This is shit.

entropy

The worst part is knowing all those smug little bastards are happy.

WCS

For fuck sakes…

Sill Bimmons

Pens 3-2.

WCS

4-2 geno wooo

litre_cola

That block just had too much hustle. FACKIN REFS

King Hippo

The host school’s choral director encouraged us to “just grab a kid and congratulate them, even if you don’t know them.”

Yeah, a 42 year old man in track pants grabbing a random teenage girl, that’s not creepy at all.

entropy

That’s a really weird way to spell “molest.”

Redshirt

Me: “Satan, I will sell you my soul for the Dolphins to beat the patriots 105-0.”
Satan: “No can do, pal. You already sold me your soul for the Bengals to make the playoff in ’05.”
Me: “That’s no fair! Palmer had his knee taken out on the 2nd play!”
Satan: “Yeah. Hilarious,wasn’t it?”

Sill Bimmons

The role of Satan is being played tonight by Kimo von Oelhoffen!

Sill Bimmons

JV Stillers going full Andy Reid on the clock management.

Sill Bimmons

I hope this link posts, because you have to see this beached whale steal this kid’s puck.

Unbelievable.

http://youtu.be/rybk4F9Nn8s

entropy

Holy shit. That was awful.

WCS

That guy probably makes $700,000 a year, too.

Croooow

Wow. That was worse than I though. What an asswipe.

tundrajim

I always wondered why Patriots fans are such shitheads. I now realize it starts at birth.

Spur

So the kids are tools too?

entropy

Is it really a surprise?

Redshirt

I have the TV on mute. This is a missed opportunity because the rage I would have felt because of all this smugness, could have caused me to ascend to Super Saiyan status.

Oh, well.

...

These children are the future, folks.

...

This is one of the few times I’ll consider sad, crying children to be a reward.

litre_cola

SWEET JESUS WHAT THE FUCK AM I SEEING!?!?!?!?!?!?

entropy

I don’t advocate harming children.

That said, light these midget fucks on fire, please.

Spur

Coach Campbell looks like he is about to wrestle in a steel cage match.

WCS

“What is… WCS watching this WVU game, Alex?

Redshirt

Bad news, everyone. The asteroid everyone’s asking for is going to be about two days too late.

https://gma.yahoo.com/5-things-know-halloween-asteroid-002900478–abc-news-Halloween.html#

aceg

Hullo all you magnificent bastards!! Working on my buzz now, and just hoping for a good game. Am I wrong for that wish?!?

Spur

Phil Simms has on more makeup than a two dollar whore on payday.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Phil Simms was the whore that Winston Smith fucked.

entropy

Come on Dolphins do your dirty sinful business right on Brady’s fucking head!

Redshirt

So one a scale from “After School Behind the Bleachers” to “Brazzers”, how much verbally cunniligus should we get from the commentators towards Tommy Boy tonight?

King Hippo

Depends on where “mute button” is on your scale.

entropy

I’ll take “husband who has just been drunkenly told in public his wife has never had an orgasm.”

nomonkeyfun

No Man’s Land 69

Senor Weaselo

Evening everyone. This is gonna be a shitshow, isn’t it.

ProzacElf

Gee Phil, NO ONE gives the Pats credit for being “mentally tough”

entropy

It takes a lot of heart to call for penalties even you know are bullshit every play.

entropy

Half-drunk realization time: Saturday is Halloween, DST, *and* the NFL scheduled a 9:30 AM London game? Will ANYONE be awake to watch this travesty? I’m planning on finishing bottle two of my whiskey sometimes around 4 AM, making 9:30 almost impossible.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

I probably will be up, I can’t sleep past 7.

King Hippo

“Fall back” so you get an extra hour!

Awww shit that’s this weekend, hello 5PM nightfalls.

litre_cola

Goddammit, here too so dark so early.

entropy

Thus the DST in my original comment. My 4 AM finish is still realistic, considering I’ll think it’s 5.

Redshirt

I have a bad back. When the sun partially wakes me up once it rises, I turn over and the soreness wakes me up.

Redshirt

Everyone. I got a feeling that the Dolphins might actually pull this one off and here’s why:

At work there is someone who is worse than a complete asshole. They are a insecure, narcissistic prick who treats everyone like shit. They break the rules, milks the timeclock like its a cow to get overtime. They are the antithesis of a good employee. Honestly, I don’t know how they’re still employed. It escapes me.

Anyway, the other coworker who works in the same office (who this person treats as a whipping post), is getting promoted to a better paying, salary job that the asshole wants. And the person they’re getting to replace them, is someone who the asshole hates because they won’t put up with their shit.

So Karmic Justice is alive and well in the world! I believe in Karma! Go Dolphins!

Sill Bimmons

The asshole and the PK wannabe that stole the kid’s puck are going to share a cell in hell.

entropy

God damn it your office ate up all the karma and now the Pats are gonna win. Fucking hell.

litre_cola

Dear God let this be a blowout. I will take 52-52 tie please.

Redshirt

I’ll take a 7-5 OT win.

Spur

Halloween costumes at work, do you participate?

litre_cola

No. Never. Grown Adults should not dress up unless A. with their kids. B. grinding up against a Slutty Nurse at Roscoe’s the local dive bar.

Redshirt

C. Money’s involved.

Sill Bimmons

PK AT PENS GAME AS FAT GUY IN BAD SWEATER STEALS PUCK FROM LITTLE KID

Sill Bimmons

Seriously, biggest dirtbag move ever.

Guarantee you’re going to see that on Deadspin.

WCS

Great arena you have there, Pittsburgh. The coffee wasn’t up to par, though. Decent craft beer selection. I tried this new pumpkin beer called an “Oktoberfest.” Not enough pumpkin for me.

Sill Bimmons

Pucks were plentiful.

Spur

Evening everyone.

Sill Bimmons

hey

WCS

14-0 TCU already. Ah, well.

Sill Bimmons

JV Stillers down 13-3.

Ice Pens 2 — 2 Ice Bills.

Sill Bimmons

Speaking of spray tans, when do you make the decision to go orange?

Like Boehner orange?

Does anyone have even the slightest idea what life events culminate in the irresistible desire to make oneself the color of a basketball?

http://aattp.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/orange.jpg

entropy

I hope everyone reads this in Thurl Ravenscroft’s singing voice, like I did.

nomonkeyfun

Wow until you got to spray-tanned; you were describing every college coach.

Sill Bimmons

I thought they were all spray-tanned these days.

entropy

So Dan Campbell is basically PC Principal from South Park, are we agreed on that?

Spur

Now Craig, what would you say if you wanted to take a gander at Tweek’s asshole?

Sill Bimmons

Tyler Boyd: Talented but stupid.

WCS

LET’S GO PENS

LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MOUNTAINEERS

EAT SHIT PITT

FUCK THE GREATRIOTS WITH A PICKAXE

Sill Bimmons

So if the cousin that you married leaves you and marries your dad does that make her you mom or your aunt?

Mother Puncher

If she had balls she’d be his drunkle.

nomonkeyfun

Drunkles only show up on Thanksgiving, shouting about the FEMA deathcamps.

Fuck
Excretory
Male
Assholes

entropy

I agree with one of these statements. Speaking as someone who doesn’t give shit one about college foobaw, I cannot support any of that nonsense, and I hate the fucking Pens. But I wholeheartedly agree with fucking the Patriots with any rusty mining tool available.

entropy

Jameson is gone, along with the fine motor control necessary to maintain illustration quality. Time to seek alternate alcohol prior to the game. There is no fucking way I’m drinking that case of Mich Ultra in the garage.

Oh boy, I can’t wait for the Greatriots to completely eschew the run game and go to 80% short passes because the league banned pass defense.

Redshirt

Welp! Time to escape the family, I mean watch football!

http://static2.fjcdn.com/comments/5726977+_523a362a664e3349c2a0d37d3f6e485b.jpg

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Sadly, both a vulnerable to Mongol hordes.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

*are

Sill Bimmons

I’m more of a ballista man myself.

Kinda like preferring a rifle to a shotgun.

http://www.siege-engine.com/mistaballista/p6170030.jpg

King Hippo

We are all Pitt fans whilst we wait to all become Dolphins fans.

So. Much. Evil. On the slate tonight.

WCS

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

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