Spooky EPL and JV NFL Saturday Preview – Be VERY Afraid!!

I set the DVR for the Oregon/Arizona State 3OT thriller, but screwed up how long past the scheduled end time to go, so I missed the conclusion. Based on how earlier Thursday night was, I am a bit leery as to what the weekend has in store. Nonetheless, here’s your lesser footy preview.

Want to wake up early on All Hallows Eve and laugh at two overrated, media fellated managers? NBCSN has Chelski and Liverpool for you at 8:45! The real action kicks off at 11, with good fixtures on NBCSN (4th place Manure against 7th place Palace) and USA (2nd place Arsenal – on goal differential behind top of the table Man City – against 12th place Swansea).

Swans are much like my side, Everton (free falling into 11th place in advnce of an 8:30 Sunday morning date with fuckin’ Sunderland). Two progressive clubs who expected much more, and are in danger of falling out of the Prem’s middle class entirely. It’s depressing as fuck, let me tell you. Roberto Martinez may be running out of ideas. As the squad returns to full health, he really needs it to catch fire against the soft part of the schedule, though that’s usually when the Blues lose focus. FUCK EVERYTHING.

You would think after such a crap slate last weekend, this JV NFL Saturday would be loaded for bear. And you would be wrong.

Ole Miss at Auburn (Noon, ESPN)

Sigh. I can only works with what I gots, people. Johnny Reb and War Eagle really is as good as it gets. Nebraska/Purdue is a national broadcast in the noon window. Let that fucking sink in for a minute.

Clemson at NC State (3:30, ABC/ESPN2)

Once every year or two, my wolven sort will pull a game out of its ass and either beat or scare the shit out of a team it has no business staying within 20 points of. I don’t believe today will be that game, but that’s a combination of (i) the ferver of the converted (as a prior believer that the Tiggers would “pull a Clemson”); (ii) my general pessimistic nature; and (iii) the fucking goddamned year/two years I’m having. Many neutral observers think the signs are there. State does have some raw materials to work with. But I have no fucking idea how they expect to slow down Clemson’s passing attack. The Wolfpack secondary is a sieve, to put it nicely.

Georgia vs. Florida (3:30, CBS)

They don’t like people calling it The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party anymore, but it’s the only reason to take notice of it. Well, that and the coeds, right Mr. Musberger?

Oklahoma State at Texas Tech (3:30, ESPN)

An actual game to watch when the first two make your eyes bleed. I wonder what the Pokes fans’ paddles do to Sterling Mallory Archer’s wee-wee. /no homo

Miami at Duke (7:00, ESPNU)

This is the world we now live in. Da U’s hoops team goes into Durham and wins all the time, even when they have an NIT squad, and the Devils ultimately cut down the nets in the real tourney. And the footy squad goes into Duke’s sad, 3/4 empty stadium…and they have virtually no shot. This was even funnier when I figured it was where Al Golden was gonna be fired.

Notre Dame at Temple (8:00, ABC)

/wanking motion

Stanford at Washington State (10:30, ESPN)

I’m actually quite intrigued by this matchup. Wazzu has been really interesting teevee viewing so far, and they’ve been winning, to boot. Stanford has recovered nicely after the early bedshitting against Northwestern (that gave make it snow so much false hope). The contrast in styles couldn’t be more vast. Fire up them DVRs!

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Dear god, BC is looking like a group of fucktards.
Which of course means we will lose to them next week.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Seagram’s Lime Twisted Gin.
Cut out da middle man.

Sill Bimmons

Missed high tackle by NZL.

AUS have a legit gripe about the officiating.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“…his name is Sio and he’s coming off the field…”

Sill Bimmons

AUS having their way in the second half.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Terrible kick. Practically went backwards.

Sill Bimmons

Huge try to AUS.

Foley converts.

21-8 NZL

Sill Bimmons

21-10 sorry.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It seems like the rolling maul is more common these days. When I was in ZA it seemed relatively rare.

Sill Bimmons

We always rolled because we had shit backs outside the No. 10.

Sill Bimmons

Careless pile driver penalty to NZL must surely result in an AUS try on the restart.

Sill Bimmons

Yellow to boot.

Sill Bimmons

Giant NZL clusterfuck leads to AUS pressure deep.

Sill Bimmons

Officiating could be said to be biased against AUS.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Could be, but that pickup on the sideline looked like intentional offsides to me (on Aus).

But I’m biased against Australia.

Sill Bimmons

So am I.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m confused. Why are they saying that the guy in the #2 jersey is Dez Bryant’s mother?

Sill Bimmons

Breakaway try to NZL

Carter not automatic.

21-3 NZL

Sill Bimmons

Restart.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That Dan Lyle feller looks sorta….artificial.

Sill Bimmons

FINALLY a try to NZL.

Carter with the tough conversion!

16-3 NZL halftime

Sill Bimmons

Blatant forward pass by NZL goes uncalled, subsequent penalty to NZL.

AUS rightfully pissed.

9-3

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I was laughing when I saw that live.

bourb0nblues

The DERP is strong with Joe Hart.

Sill Bimmons

Stupid penalty to NZL.

Crap kick by AUS.

TO to NZL.

Crap kick by NZL.

Sound and fury, etc etc

Sill Bimmons

High tackle penalty to AUS.

6-3 NZL

Sill Bimmons

Mat The Cake in a spot of bother here.

Sill Bimmons

It’s called a lineout.

Sill Bimmons

NZL so sloppy.

Should be ahead by at least 6.

Sill Bimmons

Not even a yellow.

Fuck. That. Noise.

Sill Bimmons

Blatant dirty shit by AUS. Business as usual.

Should be a red card.

Sill Bimmons

And NZL kills the ball.

So much for that.

Sill Bimmons

AUS still not clearing the breakdown.

Sill Bimmons

Weak penalty to AUS, NZL going for the try.

Sill Bimmons

All Blacks very careless with the ball so far.

Sill Bimmons

The quality of the tackling gives me a tingly feeling.

Sill Bimmons

Big mistake by the All Blacks fullback leads to Australia penalty.

3-3.

blaxabbath

The only thing deader than ASU’s season is the name on the back of their jerseys.

Sill Bimmons

Here we go…

Sill Bimmons

They all hate each other, but above all everyone hates England.

Just like futbol.

Sill Bimmons

Going to piggyback the RWC final onto this thread since:

1. I don’t want to step on Hippo’s post
~> See 1. above

Should be incredible. Go All Blacks.

Sill Bimmons

Coverage starts on NBC at noon.

Martin

Happy Halloween from Charlotte McKinney

http://imgur.com/gallery/w4cWo

ballsofsteelandfury

DE-REK-JE-TER
fap fap fapfapfap

Martin

Charlotte is fucking Stephen Dorff, whose biggest movie role was when she was 5.

bourb0nblues

More like FAPPY Halloween, amirite?!

Martin
Martin

“You’re playing Center.”

Horatio Cornblower

I’m very new at this stuff but I’ve already learned to loathe Jose Morinho, or however they’ll spell it on his upcoming unemployment check.

ballsofsteelandfury

Think Portuguese Belichick.

ballsofsteelandfury

I would be so happy if that were to happen. The players clearly hate him and want to get him gone.

Horatio Cornblower

Being an EPL referee has got to be the world’s most terrifying job, and I’m including “Chinese coal miner” on that list.

Brick Meathook
scotchnaut

I’m watching a Canuck-made movie about a marine biologist searching for an artifact that is protected by a giant squid. Why? Because chicks in bikinis, that’s why.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Channel pleez?

ballsofsteelandfury

Name of the movie?

scotchnaut

It was called Deadly Water-looks like it was filmed in British Columbia.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I will not be saying so elsewhere, at least not with as much clarity. But I do expect the Tiggers to woodshed us today. Maybe not the caliber of the one daU got, but I think we don’t stay within the spread.

Today will not be that once every couple years out of fucking nowhere Herculean Wolven gridiron effort.

Lothar of the Hill People

When I was a freshman, Purdue still gave free game admission to all students, and they still couldn’t come close to filling the stands. I remember one game looking into the stands and thinking my high school had better attendance.

I guess that’s what happens when Jeff George throws you over for Illinois, and your starting QB is also your punter.

So yeah, I think I’m gonna watch Nebraska-Purdue and laugh my ass off at my memories.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Indeed. I camped out often.

February of ’85 (I think…coulda been ’86) I slept in an an ice storm on a fold out lawn chair under about 3 or 4 sleeping bags just outside the doors of Reynolds. No tent. Woke up with a sheet of ice on top. But the treez wuz perty.

Tix behind Heels’ bench for that one. We rode Deano unmerciful the full 40. These days, we’d get an escort out of PNC for some of the shit we talked.

Man, that was fun.