TB @ Atl: Winston has 9 TD’s and 7 Int’s-lousy, huh? His opposite today, Ryan has a sparkling 9 TD’s and 6 Int’s (also almost 600 more yards but still). At this point Tampa is just trying to show some progress and get through the season while the Falcons need a win to stay within tobacco juice-spitting distance of the Panthers. I’m not sure how Atlanta is going to pull this out what with Hankerson being out. Hopefully one of the other guys at the WR spot will come through.
Ari @ Cle: The Madden simulation of this game had the Cards winning 149-56. I think RB Johnson is going to break a long one against a Browns run D that almost always falls apart in the 2nd half. Don’t get me started on WR Bowe and his 9 mil. guaranteed contract and his three straight healthy scratches and “redemption time” narrative. Browns fans that want Manziel in are nuts. Why? McCown has made a star (okay, maybe “viable player” is the better term) out of TE Barnidge. What sort of sorcery has gotten these guys to connect for 459 yds. and 5 TD’s? Cleveland gets 3 starters back-CB Haden, FS Gipson and ILB Robertson. It won’t be enough for a win but this will allow them to be more aggressive.
F @ StL: San Fran takes it on the road and most likely on the chin today. The struggling Kaep may be without both Hyde and Boldin today as both are listed as questionable. (much like Kaep’s on-field decisions) Against a top 10 D, that spells more trouble and regression for a guy who doesn’t need either. The Rams are dead last in passing yards per game and Foles is taking some heat for it but I’m not having it. The WR corps consists of Britt, Bailey, Quick, TE Cook, who is inconsistent and Austin. Tavon is talented and just needs to be put into open space with the ball in order to make things happen but that is not happening often enough. I expect with the emergence of Gurley things will sort themselves out somewhat but this group is third rate.
NYG @ NO: Eli should be happy to know that the Saints give up the fifth-most passing yards per game at 275. This stat is actually worse than it seems because the Saints have rarely had a large lead on anyone therefore forcing them to air it out. After losing three straight the Saints have won the last three of four. When they are up they go after the QB hard-13 of their 16 sacks have occurred while they had the lead. The Giants have a measly nine in total. RB Orleans Darkwa of the Giants, a long shot to make the 53 man squad in September is pushing his way into the Giants RBBC.
Min @ Chi: Minny looks to be entering into a multi-year window of competitiveness given what they’ve done in the draft the past two years. Bridgewater, Kendricks, Barr, Diggs, Clemmings and Wayne are young, solid and talented. Also, most of them have no memory of having lost 7 straight at Soldier Field. Here’s this week’s “Stat Dis-Connect of the Week”. The Bears have the 26th ranked rush D yet have only given up 2 TD’s on the ground. Wah? Perhaps AP will close the gap a bit today.
SD @ Dal: Philip “The Loin Master” Rivers just had his eighth kid. Or maybe his wife did. I don’t know. That’s six girls and two boys and increasing pressure on the cervix and the population density of greater San Diego. Speaking of easy to score on, both these D’s like to give it away so we should be in for a bit of a TD/FG bonerama.
Cin @ Pit: “Big Ben Is Back!” yelled the owner of my fantasy team just now. I expect the Two B’s (Bell and Brown) to put it into a higher gear today. Hell, I’m calling it-Bengals get their first loss of the season today. Dalton can’t keep his insane numbers going much longer, can he? The world-weary Bengals fans shout “NO WAY!” in unison. WR Green is getting CB Antwon Blake today because Gay is banged up so Cincy should put up some points. Kudos to the guy who drafted RB Hill right in front of me. Buddy, I owe you one.
Ten @ Hou: This is our third game featuring a one win team playing a two win squad. Whoopee! Say goodbye to Hoyermallet and the lousy run they had and welcome Hoyersavageyates to the party. I’m just kidding, I saw TJ Yates in pre-season and I doubt that the coaches trust him with a clipboard. Foster done tore himself his Achilles and is gone for the year. To those mothers dipping their incipient football-playing sons into the River Styx I can’t stress this enough-DUNK THE WHOLE KID IN, DON’T BE LAZY ABOUT IT! Jeezuz!
Drew Brees is almost Nick Foles-esque!
The refs in Pittsburgh apparently think that we all came to see them.
Horrible calls going both ways.
I find it really odd that the “local” broadcast for the early games on FOX for Oregon is the Cards/Browns game. Is there some big Browns fandom in Oregon? Are there a number of high profile Oregon players now on the Browns or Cards? I’m seriously curious.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/121b56004a95336af7fa694ce6e4a6df/tumblr_nww6vz3xGh1qz5q5oo1_500.jpg
Man, I have really enjoyed watching Steve Smith be a one-man receiving corps at age 36.
Awesome athlete. It’s a shame for the road to come to such an abrupt end.
Agreed. Pouring one out.
Dat Giants’ D tho. Has anyone seen it?
Coughlinger’s Cat?
Did they all do a Mallet and miss the flight?
Update from Soldier Field: referee is down and hatless. He got jacked.
http://i.imgur.com/en3Xuc5.jpg
NFL Week 8 MVP: Cushman Carts
https://twitter.com/ekaycbs/status/660915114514583552
http://tinypic.com/view.php?pic=25tyszr&s=5#.VjZ1xNaLQUU
RED FLAG RISING IN PITTSBURGH
So I went to put in a waiver claim for Deangelo Williams–because what good is a horrible, tragic injury if I can’t capitalize on it?– and he’s still on a team that picked him up after Bell’s return and hasn’t set their lineup in 5 weeks.
Nooo not Steve Smith Sr!
Yeeep. THat’s an achilles.
Bad day to work for the NFL
Redzone is completely ignoring Titans/Replacement Oilers, so can someone answer the most important question about that game: Did JJ Watt get a sack and pretend to take a selfie again?
The bloodied, decapitated head of Mettenberger haunts his dreams to this day.
He’s punched his last baby. TOO SOON.
Aw man, he was one baby punch away from retirement.
He’ll have to settle for punching babies while on crutches for a while, by the looks of things
DeAngelo Williams is still pretty decent at this thing.
at least I have him on my bench, original owner cut him last week.
So since Redzone doesn’t want to tell me, did Keenan Alllen comeback from his injury on that touchdown?
Chargers did a good.
How many dead?
Apparently Steve Smith Sr and at least one more Raven.
Giants are starting to pay tribute to Beergh.
Call of Duty is a “Holiday Game”, just as much as this comment is a “Holiday Comment” since it is posted the day after Halloween.
So I just stepped away from the comments for a little bit, but apparently the Falcons had this little fucker performing at halftime today. WHY THE FUCK COULDN’T YOU HAVE ASKED OUTKAST THEMSELVES INSTEAD OF THIS PETULANT LITTLE SHIT YOU MORONS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSwT1uaMvUY
Jesus, somebody should have strangled the new Bieber in it’s crib.
Is there any white dude named Matt that the Falcons aren’t in love with?
UUUUUUUUGH
http://image.spreadshirtmedia.com/image-server/v1/compositions/1002665334/views/1,width=190,height=190,appearanceId=317.png/mattyb-stars-hearts-kids-t-shirt_design.png
Why does my team have to be allergic to success?
Gingervitis is a very dangerous illness.
It’s a common problem with NFL teams. That’s why you can’t bring in cupcakes for the whole league unless they’re success free.
http://i.imgur.com/OfYGY.gif
Is John Brown dead? Has he even been in?
Oh, would you look at that, the Giants got a turnover.
I keep checking Brees fantasy score on my bench, like poking a bruise to confirm that it still hurts.
I am checking Snead like a scab who I keep picking. Until i benched him for Bush…
I also have Brees on my bench. We can have our sads together.
Bungles
One stop giants D. Just one.
And there it is.
Thank you.
Well the Saints defense did a good, so this game’s over.
“3rd and manageable” is also something your mom says in a four-way, Joe.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/f9f2780ea8ffb66d133bf55b6082b72c/tumblr_muzgyaUq7s1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Turkey tasting-wise the older boy sides with me and the younger sides with the mommy. She’s a deadlock within the family.
Your daughter is part of the rebel alliance and a traitor, take her away !
Packaged gravy is worse than the people at a Lyndon Larouche rally.
Just eat yours correctly, then pop half the bird back in the oven to desiccate.
Yup, segregate the bird gravies and the leftovers. Proper stuff on one shelf, shit on the other. Different strokes and all that.
Trust me, I’ve had this battle before.
One certainly can’t say the Giants’ games are boring…
Eli still has that suger rush from last night
Red Zone will apparently go to Titans/Texans next. This will be the first time they’ve shown this game. We were spot on with our Halloween stories.
It was a 5 second update. Gold.
Receiver obviously on the ground in a lot of pain merits only a comment of “he was shaken up on the play” and a cutaway to another game
http://40.media.tumblr.com/6d53e05658cce9fbfbd378989208c443/tumblr_nx1tifzU0f1rsxqqio1_500.jpg
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/2320614/applesauce-bitch-o.gif
Applesauce, bitch.
Winston looked like he was trying to do a waltz with the football there
Injuring Winston using only my mind is proving ineffective. I should employ the aid of some thugs and a lead pipe.
Did someone say hired goons?
http://i.imgur.com/3YkOcnF.jpg
It’s called doing a Tonya Harding
2 Giants, 1 Cooks
3 Beckams 1 Cooks?
The Bears have a “New” New Age Basketball type tight end! That means he knows how to use his hands to catch a ball!
Shouldn’t Derrick Rose be resting on his days off?
Lacks grit. Too ethnic. Give me Iron Mike any day.
Factory Workers Replaced by Scabs, Production Resumes
Both drink on the job
I hope there is an outtake of that stupid “let’s throw an egg at our participants” commercial of someone rubbing that smug asshole’s face in the broken egg on the floor.
At this point, I’m convinced that the Chargers team doctors are either a.) homeopaths, or b.) non-medically-trained posters on internet health forums/mom blogs/health product pyramid schemers.
They got their degrees from hollywood upstairs medical college – the only school teaching you that concussions are made up, and best treated by rubbing some dirt on it
http://dijaxps1e29ue.cloudfront.net/~/media/377258611.ashx?ts=010101120000000
Definitely Zoidberg.
Wife is trying to convince the kids that moist turkey is ‘under-done’ and should be cooked further and drowned with package-made turkey gravy.
/blind taste test for the kids coming up
Do you have a pre-nup?
When we got together she made more dough. Now it’s reversed big time. In a word, No.
This is hurtful to even read.
Consider recording her when she says these things so you can prove that she’s a crazy person
My younger two kids like the “canned” gravy. I keep theirs (including leftovers) completely segregated. My gravy is only the broth from the bird (from the browning bag post-cooking), plus a flour/water roux (and a little kosher salt).
Does Eli get to go to Bourbon Street after the game!
Look at the moves on that rapist!
There are a few playing today, you’ll have to be more specific as to which one you mean
The world giveth and it taketh away. My bag of weed just got blown away in a freak windstorm, then I got a call that a buddy wants to rent out my vacant condo.
I know he’s been around forever, but I didn’t realize Harrison was 37
Demonstrating the shittiness of Jarvis Jones.