I Watched It So That You Don’t Have To-One Starry Christmas

Holly (Sarah Carter) is a recently-graduated astronomy gal and her long-time boyfriend is an ambitious (is there any other kind?) corporate lawyer. He needs to go to New York to close a “huge business deal” during Christmas and she’s having none of that whole “Christmas is just a day on the calendar” nonsense. She’s all about family, being together, dreaming while looking at the heavens and wearing really tight jeans. She wasn’t told that business doesn’t conform to her “the world stops during the Xmas season” outlook on life. Off he goes. She gets it in her head to surprise him so she devises a plan. The vehicle by which things take a left turn for her is a bus. See, she doesn’t have a car/can’t drive/has no money for a plane ticket-take your pick. On this aforementioned bus her seat-mate is a gosh darn, down to earth, rodeo circuit-riding Texas cowboy by the name of Luke (Damon Runyan). He’s all about the Christmas and he misses his fam damily, which is only his older brother because we need some feels for the guy.

The bus breaks down at 5am and he finds a car rental place open in a small town at that hour. During the drive it turns out they’ve got a lot in common! Her mom and dad live just outside New York and she invites him in for supper. The mother is completely smitten with this rough-hewn gentle soul that has this uncommon ability to say all the right things at just the right time. Weasel lawyer-guy has a last minute meeting to attend so cowboy guy and astronomy gal spend the day in Central Park just killing time and developing feelings for each other. He teaches her how to ride a horse and she instructs him on how to skate. They’re both open to new experiences (not like that damn lawyer that is trying to guarantee for himself  and his girl a secure financial future). Lawyerman tweeks to what is going on so he proposes at an Xmas party and she says “yes” because she’s a romantic at heart. But wait. Confusion sets in. She thinks she might actually be in love with the guy that rides testicle-constricted horses for a living. The rest goes according to form. The lesson learned in the end is that love has no………………ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

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jjfozz

If somehow they wound up getting a horse on skates, and then skated that fucker around Rockefeller Center, then I’m all in.

Otherwise, the only thing that could spice this up would be an all anal orgy.

Senor Weaselo

See, you all thought threesome in your heads. Mine went with the horse kicking all three of them in quick succession so everyone dies and Scotchy doesn’t have to deal with the end of this tripe.

Former C-G-U-O

I enjoy being a cynical bastard and avoiding my feelings. But this post is forcing me to face the reality that at some point in the next several days when I spend the first Thanksgiving with the gf, she is at some point going to ask me to watch this, or something like it, or this AND something like it. Which is reasonable as I’ll be watching the Bears game and doing my (almost assuredly unsuccessful) best not to get completely wasted and call out Aaron Rodgers for not banging Olivia Munn and never losing to the goddamn Bears. And I will be more than happy to watch a Lifetime marathon because I’m really excited to see her. Fuck my feelings and the Bears giving me false hope!

jjfozz

Relationship hint, when she asks if you want to watch the show, say this, “You know what I want to watch with you?”

And she’ll say, “What would that me, my darling?”

And then YOU say “DEEEEZ NUTS!”

Amirite? Up top bro!

ballsofsteelandfury

I fucking love these posts.

blaxabbath

As someone who hates all lawyers (sorry everyone else on DFO who isn’t an IT guy), I approve of this movie.

Spanky Datass

IT guy? My computin’ box is kinda wonky, mind taking a look?

http://45.media.tumblr.com/21b6ac07e1929a0c5d0871d0310842b1/tumblr_ndxg8hajW11tnyky2o1_400.gif

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So…if you were to give this film a grade or a rating of some kind, how well would it score?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Covalent Blonde

When does the hockey vs. polo death match for the new Martian overlords start?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I would watch that film…

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Wait, so it ends in a three-way?

Hallmark After Dark

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

I believe that’s an Eiffel Tower at the base of the Eiffel Tower. Cause they all went to Paris for a business meeting or something.

WhyEaglesWhy

Yes, but with the girl’s mom, not the lawyer.

Doktor Zymm

Where the hell did he teach her to ride a horse? The stable in Central Park shut down quite a few years back and the only other places that are actually in the city are at the ass end of the Bronx.

I’m bad at suspension of disbelief, but mostly for very random, specific things.

sunrisesunrise

Maybe it was one of those coin operated horses outside a grocery store.

Covalent Blonde

*covered in the stench of end-stage renal disease homeless dude piss

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, he doesn’t teach her using an actual horse, if you get my drift…

Spanky Datass

It’s been almoust thirty years since I took Canadianese for a foureign language credit buuuuut I think “He teaches her how to ride a horse…” is just a Canadianese euphemism for reverse cowgirl in a public restroom.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh